A December to Remember (62)
Simone shook her head and muttered “Shit!” under her breath and then said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. I was a teenager, wrapped up in my own dramas. I guess I never thought about it from your point of view. I just felt like I was too old for playing in tree houses . . .”
Star took a breath and centered herself. “Look, it’s not your fault. I absolutely didn’t mean for this to turn all recriminatory. You had your own lives; I totally get it. I just missed you both.”
“Oh, Star.” Maggie held one hand to her heart. “I’m sorry we weren’t there for you. You shouldn’t have had to go through that alone.”
“I had Troy and his mum, and while Dad didn’t exactly talk about it, he made sure I was comfortable afterward and cooked me soup.”
“That’s not good enough. We’re your sisters! We should have been there. We let you down.” Maggie’s lip wobbled as she spoke, and Star wondered if she was imagining Verity finding herself in the same predicament and having no one to turn to.
“I did wish you were here with me.” Her voice was quiet. “That was probably the time I missed you the most. But I got over it and I’m fine. It was the right thing to do.”
Simone nodded. “Of course it was.”
“Absolutely,” agreed Maggie, dabbing at her eyes. “No question about it.”
“So that’s how I know I can get pregnant. I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, Simone. And I might be the last person on earth you’d want to carry your child. But the offer is there. No strings attached.”
“What if you decide you want to keep the baby?” asked Simone. “You’ll have carried it for nine months, you’ll have bonded with it.”
“I won’t,” she assured her. “It will be your baby. I’m not going to change my mind. I’m healthy; I eat well, I don’t smoke, I haven’t done drugs for years, not class A’s anyway, and I’m still young enough—just. And most importantly, I want to do this for you.”
“I—I don’t know what to say,” Simone stammered. Her face was a flurry of conflicting emotions.
“Quick, put out a news bulletin: Simone North is lost for words!” Maggie joked.
“Can I think about it?”
Star laughed. “Of course! You don’t have to decide right now. I’m just telling you that the offer is there, and it’s a serious one. Take your time, although you know, don’t take so much time that I start the menopause like Maggie.”
“Cheers, Star!” Maggie snorted and gave her the bird. “I’ll have you know that I am in my prime. Hot flashes, sleepless nights, and yo-yoing emotions aside, perimenopause has gifted me with the libido of a horny teenager.”
“No wonder Joe always looks so chipper!”
“I’ll need to talk to Evette, is that okay?” Simone was oblivious to the sidetrack the conversation had taken.
“Well, obviously! It’s Evette’s baby too.”
“Of course. I’m not really thinking straight. I have to go,” she said. “I need to talk this over with Evette.”
“Okay.” Star smiled reassuringly.
“Are you all right?” Maggie asked, standing up and taking Simone’s arm to steady her. Simone was swaying.
“I’m fine. Just . . . a bit overwhelmed.”
“Let us walk you back to the cottage,” said Maggie, a crease of concern between her eyebrows.
“No, honestly, I’ll be fine. It’s just—it’s a lot.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Simone!” Star chuffed. “Stop trying to be so bloody stoic all the time and let us in. You don’t have to handle everything on your own!”
“Says the woman who went through an abortion all by herself at fifteen!” said Maggie pointedly.
Star smiled grimly. “Touché.”
“Or the woman who didn’t tell us she was being evicted because she didn’t want to be a burden!” Simone added, regaining some of her composure under the protection of a sister on either side of her.
“Double touché.” Maggie laughed.
The sisters linked arms as they walked out into the cold night.
“Let’s make a pact,” said Star. “Here and now. Let’s promise to stop being islands and start being sisters again.”
“That’s a good pact,” said Maggie. “I promise.”
“Me too,” said Simone, tilting her head to rest it against Star’s.
It was a cloudless night and the stars looked as though they’d had their wattage ramped up. There was no wind now, and it was so quiet that the clock in the church tower could be heard ticking its way to midnight. Nothing had changed; each sister’s future was still as uncertain as it had been the day before—maybe more so. But that night, with the stars above their heads and promises warming their hearts, their worries didn’t seem quite as insurmountable.
* * *
Her sisters had gone, and Simone was alone with her thoughts in the cottage, phone in hand, ready to call Evette. A mental ravine of possibility had opened up before her and stopped her in her tracks. She was looking down into it, her feet right on the edge of a precipice, deciding if she was brave enough to jump. Could they do this? Could it be as simple as Star was making it out to be? They’d have to find the money for the embryo transfer, which wouldn’t be easy. Okay, so she wouldn’t be pregnant herself, but it would be her egg, her baby, and her own biological sister carrying her child for her.