Atmosphere(40)

“Have you had those tits this whole time, Joan? My God.”

“Stop it. Please stop that.”

“You have to buy it! Wear it out of the store like I am. Let’s have fun! We’re only in New Orleans for one night.”

Joan looked down at the way the dress hit her body. The hem was so short. She could feel herself curving inward. “It’s too much,” she said. “It’s so flashy.”

“You’re buying the goddamn dress.”

Donna grabbed her arm and led her out past the other fitting rooms. She ripped the tag off the dress.

“Donna!” Joan said.

“I’ll pay for it if I have to.”

Lydia walked over, trying on a jean jacket. “Joan, you look really pretty.”

“Wow,” Donna said under her breath. “Hot enough to melt the ice queen.”

Vanessa was at the front, looking at men’s striped shirts. She glanced up, scanning the store, and saw them. When her eyes landed on Joan, Joan flushed. She put her hands to her opposite shoulders, as if she could cover up the blush of her skin. Vanessa shook her head and smiled. And then caught Joan’s eye and mouthed, “You look great.”

“Excuse me, miss?” Donna said to the saleslady.

When the woman turned to them, it was Joan who spoke up: “I’ll take this.”


The air was sticky, and the light pollution on Bourbon Street was so terrible that you could barely see a star in the sky. Joan was sweating on her upper lip and at the base of her collarbone.

Duke and Hank had each bought her a beer earlier. Harrison bought her a fruity drink that tasted like candy. She’d never had this much attention from them, and she’d had more to drink tonight than she’d ever had in her life. Griff bought her a flower, and she took it and laughed.

Vanessa and Harrison were up ahead, trying to talk Donna out of getting a tarot reading. She imagined Donna asking questions about her future, as if the answers weren’t obvious. Joan saw it all: she was going to marry Hank, and be the second astronaut in that marriage.

“Astronauts shouldn’t fall in love with each other,” Joan said aloud and then looked around and realized she was walking side by side with Griff. When had that happened?

“What?” Griff said.

“We all have bizarre priorities and, let’s be honest, probably God complexes,” Joan said. “There should only be one of us in a relationship. The other person has to make up for all the other things we lack. No, it’s a bad idea to fall in love with one of us. If you’re one of us.”

“I don’t know about that,” Griff said, smiling at her in a way she’d forgotten she didn’t like. They walked past Donna, Vanessa, and Harrison.

“No, I’m right about this,” Joan said. “I think about it a lot.”

“You think about it a lot, huh?” Griff pushed his shoulder into hers. “I think you’re wrong. Who else would put up with us except each other? Who else is going to understand why we might have to miss our kid’s recital or can’t be home on Christmas, or why we’re risking our lives?”

Joan looked at him, considering. She could not ever miss Christmas with Frances. Not ever.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” she said.

“Why not?”

“Because people never fall in love with who they should. This whole world is full of stories of people falling in love with exactly who they weren’t supposed to.”

“I had no idea you were such a romantic,” Griff said.

Joan rolled her eyes. “I don’t believe in love,” she said. “For me. So how can I be a romantic?”

Griff considered her. “What do you mean?”

Up ahead, Lydia was waving everyone over. Duke, Hank, Marty, Teddy, and Jimmy were all walking into a club. Donna ran past Joan and Griff.

Joan felt a hand on her shoulder before she heard Vanessa’s voice. “What are you two talking about?”

“Ford, don’t you think that Joan might just be a secret romantic?”

“I want to stop talking about this,” Joan said.

Vanessa looked at her with a smile Joan couldn’t decipher. “I think Joan still has a lot of things to figure out.”

Joan tightened her jaw. “You can be very condescending,” she said finally. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

Vanessa laughed. “No, actually.”

Griff stopped in place suddenly. “Oh, no.”

“What?”

Joan looked up at the sign, which said, “CONTINUOUS ALL GIRL SHOWS.” There were neon outlines of half-naked women all over the storefront.

“Everyone went into a strip club?” Joan asked.

“Joan’s not going to a strip club,” Vanessa said.

Donna pulled at them. “Come on, everybody, it’s only fun if we all do it.”

Joan looked at the club door. The hairs on the back of her neck started to rise.

“I’ll do it,” Joan said.

“What?” Vanessa and Griff said at the same time.

But before anyone could say anything else, Joan walked through the front door.


Joan had seen women naked in locker rooms.

But she’d never seen this.

There were six or seven women all dancing on the stages. Some with bras on, some without. Some teasingly pulling on the string of their bikini bottoms.