Before the Sunset (Cottonwood Cove, #4)(75)

“What are you so afraid of?” he asked, his voice harder now than I’d ever heard it.

“I thought my heart had broken when Carl and I ended, but I was wrong. It was beating just fine after everything went down. But this, you and me…” I motioned my hand between us. “This would break me.”

I shook my head and used the back of my hand to swipe at my tears.

“You’ve got to trust me, Reese. I’d never hurt you.”

“I know that. That’s part of what scares me. You’d suffer because you were afraid to hurt me. That’s why I just want you to go and see how you feel. We’ve been in this bubble together for the last few months, but that’s not realistic. You need to be out there, doing your thing, Finn. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere.”

The thought of ever being an obligation to this man would be the worst thing that could ever happen to me.

But the thought of being the one he wanted, the way that I wanted him, would be the best thing that could ever happen to me.

And I was afraid to hope for that because I’d seen the other side when things don’t work out. When you’re twenty years old and sitting at an oncology center on New Year’s Eve, getting a chemo treatment.

Life wasn’t always fair. So, the best you could do was prepare yourself for what might be coming.

“Why is it so hard to believe that you’re it for me?” He ran the pad of his calloused thumb over my bottom lip.

“I don’t know. Maybe things feel too good right now. Maybe being ridiculously happy terrifies me.” I sniffed.

“You’ll see.” He smiled that charming grin that stole the air from my lungs. “But I still think you should stay at my house when I leave. I like the idea of you being there.”

“I’ll tell you what,” I said before taking a long pull of my bubbly water. “If you come back from Tokyo and you still feel like this after that time apart, I’ll move back in.”

“Deal. Don’t unpack.”

“So cocky,” I said as he handed me another cracker with jam and cheese on this one, and I took a bite and groaned. “This is so good.”

“You can’t talk about my cock and then groan and say that the cracker is good.” His tongue swiped back and forth along his bottom lip.

“I said you were cocky.” I chuckled.

“I heard you. I’ll show you cocky later when I put those chaps on for you and let you ride me in nothing but your cowboy hat and boots.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” I teased.

“I never would.” He popped a raspberry into his mouth. “So, tell me about the business. It’s growing quicker than you expected. Do you think you should bring on some help?”

I thought it over. “Yeah, at some point. But the beginning is all about grinding, right? I’m starting a business. I need to put everything I make back into it for right now.”

“Miney. Why is taking help so hard for you? Let me invest in your business. Let me help you get things going.”

“You already did. You bought a building, Finn. I think you’ve gone above and beyond.”

“Yet you keep trying to pay rent when we already had a deal to wait a year.”

“That’s sort of a normal business expense.” I laughed. “I’ve got this. I promise.”

“I don’t like seeing you work so hard. You’re running yourself into the ground.”

“I’m young. You work long hours when you’re on set.”

He nodded. But I saw the look in his eyes. He was worried I’d get sick again. There was always that nagging worry in the back of everyone’s minds, mine included.

“I’m fine. I promise. And I love you for caring so much.”

“Well, I love you, and that’s why I care so much.”

“You always have to one-up me with the fancy words, don’t you?”

“Whatever it takes to impress my girl,” he said, and butterflies fluttered in my belly.

“You’ve already impressed me. How are you feeling about this movie? About being gone?”

“I feel okay about it. I wish you could come with me, but I know you’ve got your own dreams to chase here, and I wouldn’t ask you to give that up. So, I’ll put my head down and go work hard for a few weeks, and then come home and show you what you’ve been missing.”

“I will miss you, Chewy. I used to feel so guilty when I was in London because you were the person I missed the most.”

“Yeah? That year was an eye-opener for me, too. It’s the longest we’d ever been apart. And I, uh…” He paused and looked over at the fire, and I waited. My heart raced a little, wondering what he was going to say. “I didn’t do so well, Miney. I didn’t sleep well on the days that we didn’t speak.”

“I felt the same. Like I’d lost a limb.”

I pulled off my coat because I was either burning up from this fire or from the man beside me. His coat had been off for a while because Finn was never cold. He loved the colder temperatures and the snow and the mountains. I slid over toward him, and he pulled me onto his lap.

“Well, we can’t have that, can we? I think we have something pretty special.” He kissed my cheek.