Beg, Borrow, or Steal (When in Rome, #3)(90)

“Yes.”

He smiles tensely and makes a casual gimme gesture with his fingers in my direction. I send the plate back his way happily.

“Anyone else want one?” Amelia asks.

There’s a quick and furious mutter of nos and not mes. “Oh, come on! He liked them.”

Madison cackles. “And the poor man was clearly lying through his teeth judging by the way Emily was about to combust from laughing at him! No, thank you. We’ll wait and see on the next batch.”

Amelia looks like a puppy kicked out in the rain on a cold winter’s night, which is no doubt why Jackson raises his hand to get her attention. “Actually . . . I do like them. They’re different. I’ll take another if no one is going to have one.”

I have to grip my thighs, because something about the look on his face has my stomach clenching and swooping at the same time. Jack is giving everyone a dad look. He’s quietly reprimanding my siblings for not supporting Amelia—a job that is normally mine. And it’s going to make me cry.

Madison scrunches her nose. “No—actually. I do want one.”

“Me too,” says Will with a valiant attempt at a smile. “I’m not scared of Tobasco sauce.”

James narrows his eyes at Jack, disliking this new show of dominance in our family circle but seemingly respecting it all the same. “All right, dammit. I’ll take a pancake too.”

Amelia is beaming now even though she knows everyone was heavily influenced by Jack. And it’s hard not to let my voice betray my emotion as I finally ask for the plate to be sent my way too.

The conversation flows back to normal as plates of eggs and bacon and Madison’s breakfast quiche get passed around family style. But Jack’s eyes float in my direction, where I’ve been sitting here trying to choke back tears because . . . he fits perfectly here.

He nudges the side of my thigh with his knuckle. “Emily . . . I need you to know . . . I’m so sorry for pushing you the other night. I was . . .” He pauses. “I was worried about you, and I didn’t know what else to do because I could see you shutting me out and it terrified me. But I was wrong for not giving you space when you asked for it. For going back on my word of being okay with going slow . . .” He breathes out and shakes his head, turning more fully in my direction, seemingly unworried by the fact that anyone could be watching or listening. “You make me feel wild, Emily. I’ve never cared about anyone like I care for you. But I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for all of it, including trying to fix how you felt about that email.” He pauses. “If you’ll let me, I’ll figure out the right balance of taking care of you and pissing you off when you want me to.” His smile is promise. “I’m a quick learner. Whatever you want out of the relationship, I’m happy with that.”

Emotions clog my throat. “So you really do still . . .” I glance around the table to make sure no one is listening. “You still want me? Even after I pushed you away and then made you eat shitty pancakes?”

He looks at me like he’s genuinely confused. “Emily . . . when I told you I care for you, I mean it. It’s not that I care for some aspects of you, not that I care for you when you’re in a good mood . . . I care for you always. I want you, always. The good, the bad, and the in-between. I. Want. You. Sharp edges, hot tempered, fiercely protective, gooey heart . . . all of it. All of you. But I’m not going to rush you again or push you into anything you’re not ready for either. In the end, if all you want is friendship, I’ll take it.”

“I . . .” My breath is an earthquake. “I need to . . .” I don’t finish my sentence. I can’t because these tears that always seem to be hovering on the edges of my skin lately are about to break through.

I push back from the table and run to the kitchen.





Chapter Thirty


Emily


I’m hiding in the kitchen like a coward.

More specifically I’m hiding in James’s walk-in pantry with the door shut like a coward. I’ve never hidden from anything. I’m the one who would jump in front of a moving car for a friend. I would climb to the top of the tallest tree in the town to get your cat down. If there’s a tornado, I’ll cover your body with mine. If someone is chewing out a waitress in a restaurant, step aside because they now have to deal with me. But when Jack said I want all of you, I’m suddenly runaway bride and hyperventilating in a pantry as a bag of potato chips pokes me in the shoulder.

The pantry door flies open. “What the hell are you doing in here?” asks Maddie.

I grab her wrist and tug her inside, shutting the door behind us. “Can you shhhhhh! Obviously I’m hiding.”

The pantry door opens again. “From who?” asks Annie.

Madison grabs the hem of Annie’s shirt and reels her inside. We close the door.

“From him! Jack.”

“Why would you be hiding from Jack?” Madison asks at full volume. “He’s so gone for you it’s almost painful to watch.”

“Can you keep your voice down?” I frantically whisper. “Jeez.”

The door opens again.

“Why are we keeping our voices down?” Amelia steps inside the pantry voluntarily and now me and all of my sisters are squished in here like sardines. A cereal box is pressing into my hip and someone’s bacon breath is wafting into the air like a poorly scented candle.