Camera Shy (Lessons in Love, #1)(60)

Here’s the problem—I like Avery because we can talk. I would bet the last dollar in my pocket that if I told her I was legitimately into her, she’d turn into the rest of them. Overcompensating, paranoid, defensive, and possessive. It happens every single time. What I have with Avery is perfect because it’s riskless. All reward… Okay, mostly reward. We should be in the same bed right now. That’s the next lesson I’m going to teach her. After great sex, you fall asleep next to each other, then wake up at one fifteen in the morning and do it again—

Buzz. Buzz.

Well, speak of the damn devil. My phone subtly vibrates and my prayers are answered. A little later than I expected, but hell, I’ll take whatever Avery’s willing to give at this point.

Looking at my screen, I see it’s an unsaved number, an area code I don’t recognize.

“Hey, you,” I answer with a wide smile on my face. “Change your mind?”

“Finn?”

I nearly choke when I hear the voice on the other end of the line. Shooting up in bed, I pull the sheet over my lap, trying to cover up like I got caught naked. This seems to be my default around Nora. I’ve done nothing wrong, but I’m always jumpy. “Nora?”

“Change my mind about what?”

I suck in a slow breath. I could hang up. I should just fucking hang up. But I loved this woman for years. Never once in all that time did I treat her poorly. When I ended things, I asked her for civility. Maybe I shouldn’t provoke her. “Nothing, I thought you were someone else. Did you get a new number?”

“Yeah. I’m on Morgan’s plan. Who’s calling you in the middle of the night, Finn?” Her tone grows cool and my jaw twitches with agitation.

It’s not your business who’s calling me at any time of the day or night.

“Apparently you. Why are you calling me this late? Is it an emergency?”

“I had to wait until…” She trails off.

“Until Morgan fell asleep?” Who am I kidding? Of course they’re living together. Nora can’t stand the idea of living alone. “If he doesn’t want you calling me, then you shouldn’t be calling me. I have to go—”

“Wait. Finn, please. I’m just calling to apologize. I know he called you. If he was an ass, I’m sorry…he’s so…so…controlling. He shouldn’t have called.”

I press the speaker button and toss my phone on the bed. It sinks into the down comforter about a quarter inch. This duvet is overly fluffy and not my taste. Nora picked it out. I need to get rid of this thing.

“You shouldn’t be apologizing for him. And it’s not a big deal. I cleared it up, but just so you know, he thinks you’re cheating on him—”

“I’m not.”

“I didn’t ask if you were. I simply said he thinks you are. Whatever you two are going through, leave me out of it this time.”

I hear a door creak open and click closed on her end. I imagine her tiptoeing out of her apartment, well out of earshot. She’s silent except for the sound of her shoes clicking against iron stairs. When she’s finally reached her destination, she says in a huff, “I’m trying, but I…I just don’t love him, Finn. I’ve been trying really hard to move on, but I miss you.”

“Nora, stop—”

“No, please,” she pleads. “Finn, I swear I can do better. I’ve been working on myself. All the things you said, all the awful things you called me out for…you were right. You are right. I’ve been reading some books about anxiety and how sometimes people who come from bad childhoods can kind of project their insecurities—”

“Nora.” One word silences her. It’s my tone. Flat. Unconvinced.

“Please? Can we just meet? For coffee? It’s been a long time. People can change and grow up… I want to show you that I can be a different person for you.”

Nora’s easier to deal with when she’s being unreasonable and cruel. It makes sense to walk away. But every time she’s about to cry, my natural instincts kick in. My primal urge to fix it and make it better gets the best of me. So instead of hanging up, like I should, I do what I’ve been trying and failing at for years—I try to explain.

“It never bothered me that you had anxiety or insecurities. What bothered me is how you treated me. What bothered me is how I was paying for mistakes I never made. I treated you with respect, love, and patience from the very beginning and for some reason you punished me for it. Maybe if I’d been an outright dick to you, you would’ve respected me back.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I wasn’t in control of—”

“Nora.”

“Finn,” she says through a sniffle. “I’m not happy. You’re the only one who makes me happy and I will do better. I will treat you better. I promise. We don’t have to rush. Can we just meet up and talk?”

For once when it comes to Nora, my head and my heart are in the same place. “No. Listen to me. If you don’t love Morgan, leave him. But if the reason you’re unhappy is because you’re holding onto the idea of us…don’t. We’re not going back to our awful relationship. I’m sorry. It’s time to move forward, and us together is not the future.”

I blow out a big breath and rub my hands over my face. Thank you, Avery. I needed to know that talking to a woman doesn’t have to be painful, full of miscommunications and misunderstandings. I should look forward to a call, not dread it. I should be laughing more often than trying to hold back my anger.