Change of Hart (Wells Ranch, #3)(95)
So I did. Until my lungs nearly collapsed the same way my knees did. Bloodied legs from falling on the rocks underfoot, I bent down so my forehead hit the dirt, and I unloaded every ounce of emotion left in me.
Then I sat there for hours before returning mid-afternoon to find Austin waiting in my room for me.
“No Blair?” he asked.
“No Blair.” I stripped off the clothes I’d been wearing for two straight days and slid into a pair of sweatpants. “I proposed, and then I think she broke up with me, actually.”
“I thought you were going there to bring her home….”
“She called me yesterday and said she made an appointment for an abortion. Thought maybe I could change her mind.” My eyes were instantly heavy when my head hit the pillow. “Thought wrong.”
“That’s a piss-poor reason to break up.”
“Suddenly everything we’ve talked about over the years has apparently been a lie, according to her. Seems like a damn good reason to me.” I rolled to my side, facing the wall. “Can I get some sleep, please?”
“You two will work it out, buddy.” Austin slapped his palm against my leg, and didn’t say a single word when I spent the rest of the week in bed.
Blair
(eighteen years old)
“He’s going to come,” I muttered under my breath to Cassidy, while staring at the glass front door.
“You’re probably right. I’m sure he got lost.” She gripped my hand tight in hers. “Vancouver’s pretty overwhelming for those of us who never leave Wells Canyon.”
“I got so lost trying to find my classes at first.” I used my free hand to keep my knee from anxiously bouncing into another dimension. “We haven’t talked since he showed up at my place. I just…Cass, I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, that seems like a question you maybe should’ve asked before we came to your abortion appointment, but…”
“No, I know I need to do this. I’m in no place to have a baby. Especially since Denver and I aren’t in a good place right now.” I glanced over at the door again. “I don’t know how to handle us. I don’t know if we can ever come back from this.”
“You will. I may have zero dating experience, but I know you two are the real deal. Everyone in town knows it.”
Suddenly a nurse called my name from the swinging double doors.
“Oh, um. Can we wait another minute? I’m waiting for somebody.”
The middle-aged woman gave me an earnest smile. “Honey, your appointment was supposed to be twenty minutes ago…we can’t keep waiting, unfortunately. I’m sure whoever you’re waiting for will be right here when you get back.”
Cassidy let go of my hand with a nod. “I’ll stay right here in this chair, so he won’t panic when he gets here and you’re gone.”
Blinking back tears, I turned to follow the nurse, leaving my best friend and the baby-poop-yellow waiting room behind.
When the procedure was over, so was any chance of fixing Denver and me. Without explanation, the one person I’d always felt safe relying on—trusting—didn’t show up when I needed him more than ever before.
Blair
Letting his ice cream spoon drop into the tub, Denver tugs me into his side, smushing my cheek against his warm, bare chest.
“I carried—carry—so much regret about everything that happened. I know having an abortion was the right choice, but I also know I could’ve handled things differently.” I breathe the musky scent of his skin, holding as tight to him as I can. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it first.”
“You were right—we were in no position to have a baby. I was in no condition to actually make good on the promises I was making. Hell, I was acting like a baby myself.”
“I wish we would’ve been in a situation where we could’ve kept the baby, because then I could’ve kept you. It sucks knowing I’m the one who broke us,” I admit with a tear-filled sigh.
“You didn’t. It wasn’t your fault.” His lips press to my head. “Good to know we’ve both been blaming ourselves, though.”
I settle into the grounding thump of his heartbeat and say, “Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
I take a deep breath and center my palm over the small bear tattooed on his leg. “Why didn’t you come to the appointment back then? Or come to check on me after? You didn’t—” I pause to compose myself, fighting the burning in my lungs. “I needed you to be there. I needed you to be with me.”
“I hate myself for not being there. There’s no excuse that’s worth the air it would take to speak it. I was being a selfish kid, and you deserved better from me.”
“Okay, so no excuses. Give me five seconds of honesty and tell me what you were doing that day, even if it hurts me to hear it.”
I’ve always told myself I don’t need to hear whatever excuse he had for not being there, thinking it would only cause more devastation. Now here I am, practically begging him to destroy me with his words. If there’s any hope for a future, we can’t sit with a live bomb in the room anymore.