Daydream (Maple Hills, #3)(46)

Sniffing, she wipes her eyes with her cardigan sleeves. “I don’t want people to think I’m boring and stop inviting me to things. I never drank at parties when I was with Will, and they definitely thought I was boring. And it makes me feel more confident, and I like it for the first couple of drinks, but then if I go further, I end up feeling like this the next day. I worry everyone hates me while I also feel like death.”

“You really skipped those peer-pressure talks in high school, huh? Let’s not talk about Will, because then I’ll feel like death and won’t be able to take care of you.” I finally get a short laugh out of her, and the relief is immense. “Halle, nobody with more than two brain cells thinks anybody is boring for not drinking when they don’t want to. Don’t do something you don’t like for other people.”

“I know. Nobody is pressuring me. It’s just in my head, and logically I know I’m being ridiculous.”

“Sometimes you can’t trust your head to think the right thing, especially when you drown it in tequila. People like you, sober you, not the extra-confident version when you’re buzzed you. Getting a new group of friends all at once is a lot, but you don’t need to change for them.”

“Oh,” she says. We sit in silence, and there’s thankfully no more crying. I rub my hand up and down her outer thigh and try to remember when being this close started to feel so natural. Minutes of quiet continue, and I think she’s fallen asleep until she speaks quietly. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can.”

She sits up to look at me, her butt sliding off my knee into the gap between my thigh and the couch end. Her legs stay draped over mine and my hands settle on her shin. “If you aren’t mad at me, why didn’t you stay over last night?”

“When I’m overwhelmed, I need to be on my own to process everything and sleep it off. I’m sorry, I could have explained that to you. I will next time.”

She nods. “That makes sense. Sorry for asking, and for being needy or whatever. It was just when you didn’t want to stay, and you hadn’t actually invited me, so I thought that maybe you hadn’t wanted me there, and the girls sa—it doesn’t matter. Thank you for explaining.”

“I didn’t invite you because I wasn’t going. I only went because I wanted to see you.” I chuckle when her eyes widen a little. “I don’t even like Take Back December. And Russ’s brother is a dick, as you now know. What did your friends say?”

She leans back into me, burying her face in my chest like it’s the most instinctual thing for her. She mumbles into my T-shirt, “Ifyouwantedtoyouwouldbutisaidwe’renotlikethat.”

“Huh?”

She looks up so I can see her face and her cheeks are flushed again. “That if you wanted to you would. But I said we’re not like that. And now I know you weren’t even going so I feel silly.”

“What does that mean?”

“It’s like when guys don’t make an effort for stuff people say oh, if they wanted to they would. Because people always remember to do the things for people that are important to them. So if they don’t make the effort, it’s just not a high priority for them. It’s just because you said you forgot to invite me to your game, then you didn’t invite me to this and, I don’t know. It isn’t a big deal, they were just talking while we were getting ready.”

“I always want to and I always will, but I have to be honest, sometimes I don’t know I should. I need you to talk to me if you feel like I’m not stepping up, because I will. I’ll do anything for you, Halle. I just don’t always know it because sometimes that isn’t how I think. I get wrapped up in things and then I don’t focus on the outside things I want to focus on. You are a high priority to me.”

“This was a really deep conversation to have while simultaneously feeling like I might throw up at any moment. Maybe I am dramatic,” she says as she rests her head against me again. I don’t think she needs me to confirm to her that she is. I’m willing to give her a pass because being hungover clearly isn’t for her. I listen to the pattern of her breathing while twirling a piece of her hair between my fingers. “How did you know to look for me here?”

“Aurora was worried about you because you didn’t show up for class. Some people had their drinks spiked last night and she panicked when she couldn’t reach you. I should text her.”

“I don’t know where my cell phone is. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten anyone. That’s so scary.” I don’t tell her about Poppy because I’m not sure if I’m supposed to, and I don’t want to make her cry again. “Let her know I’m okay, please.”

Pulling out my cell phone, I bring up Aurora’s name.


AURORA

She’s fine. Just hungover.

Omg. I can stop stressing now. Tell her she can have my notes

Thanks Prince Charming

Need to talk to you about an Ethan thing later. Don’t know how to bring it up with Russ.

??

Yeah.

Russ already knows. It blew up after you left last night.

He’d suspected something was up since summer so it wasn’t a surprise

Will talk to you about it later. I’m meeting my professor now