Dirty Thirty (Stephanie Plum, #30)(66)

I made a fast stop at Mega Mart for ice cream, and fifteen minutes later we were all back in the apartment. Lula poured herself a glass of wine. Nutsy dug into the ice cream and I called Ranger.

“How’s your nose?” I asked him.

“It’s back to normal. You’ve been doing a lot of driving.”

“Lula, Nutsy, and Bob and I went out looking for Marcus. We found him in a crack house, and I encouraged him to talk to us.”

“Find out anything useful?”

“He backed up Nutsy’s story, and he was able to give me information that will be helpful to Diggery.”

“Simon Diggery? The grave robber?”

“He’s more or less retired, but it occurred to me that he was the local expert on deceased body location. So, I hired him to find Stump.”

“Nice. I assume that’s what you were doing on the road to White Horse.”

“Yeah. Diggery and his cousin Snacker dug someone up, but it wasn’t Stump.”

“My life seems so boring compared to yours,” Ranger said.

“It’s going to get even more boring, because I’m staying here tonight. Lula is in the kitchen working her way through a bottle of wine, and I need to make sure she doesn’t go for a second. Earlier this evening she was chased by Grendel and then she threw up on her shoes because Diggery’s body didn’t have any hands.”

“Why didn’t it have hands?”

“The worms ate them.”

“Babe,” Ranger said. And he disconnected.





CHAPTER NINETEEN




At 2:00 a.m. Lula was snoring so loud the windows were rattling. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom to sleep with Bob, but it was only minimally quieter in there.

Bob and I left the bathroom and tiptoed through the living room, where Nutsy was sleeping and snoring. We stopped in the kitchen and listened. Not much better.

“I can’t take the snoring anymore,” I said to Bob. “I’m exhausted. I need sleep.”

I took my hooded sweatshirt off the hook by my door, and Bob and I went out and slept in the hall. I was dragged out of sleep by someone yelling. I squinted at my watch. Seven fifteen. The day had started. I opened the door and Bob and I stared into my apartment. Lula was in her pink pajamas that had pictures of bunnies, her hair looked like it had been electrified, and she was waving her arms and shouting at Nutsy.

“Grendel got her,” Lula said. “I heard him come in the room last night and now he’s got Stephanie.”

“There’s no Grendel,” I said, stepping into the apartment. “I’m right here.”

“Well, what was all the noise last night?” Lula asked.

“It was you,” I said. “You snore.”

“I definitely don’t snore,” Lula said. “Sometimes I might breathe heavy if I’m dreaming. And anyways I heard growling and snorting.”

“Yeah, me too,” I said. “It was you. It was horrible. And Nutsy isn’t much better. Bob and I slept in the hall.”

“Your problem is that you’ve got sensitive ears,” Lula said.

I filled Bob’s bowl with kibble and went to the fridge. No orange juice. No milk. No food. I looked in the freezer. No more ice cream.

“Somebody ate all the food,” I said. “I’m done. I’m moving out. You guys are on your own. I love you both, but I can’t live with you.”

“I guess I understand that,” Lula said. “It’s hard when you’re accustomed to being by yourself and then there’s someone else. I’m one of those flexible people. New circumstances don’t bother me.”

I shuffled off to the bedroom and stuffed some clothes into a duffel bag. When I got back to the kitchen Bob was done eating, so I took his bag of food and told Nutsy to take Rex’s aquarium downstairs and put it into the Explorer. I added my computer to the duffel bag and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Lula asked.

“My parents’ house,” I said.

“Good plan,” Lula said. “You’ll probably get there in time for breakfast. And I’m thinking your mom will do your laundry and everything. And don’t worry, I’ll take good care of our apartment. I’ll keep beautifying it too. I got a knack for interior decorations.”

“Am I getting kicked out?” Nutsy said.

“No, but I’m not buying your food anymore,” I told him.

“I can deal with that,” he said, following me to the elevator.

Bob and I drove to my parents’ house, and there was a white Subaru SUV parked in the driveway. I idled at the curb and called my mom.

“Hi,” I said. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going good,” she said. “Your aunt Bitsy and uncle Fred arrived last night. They’re staying with us for a couple nights, and then we’re all going to your cousin Loretta’s wedding. You sent in your reply, didn’t you?”

“Maybe,” I said. “I don’t remember. I might have checked off not attending.”

“You and Loretta were never close,” my mom said, “but you really should be going to her wedding.”

“Why are Bitsy and Whatshisname staying with you?”