Do Your Worst(65)
To take on such an immense, oppressive force, especially believing its origins were supernatural . . . as much as Riley didn’t want to claim her hero complex, clearly it was inherited.
“Gran wrote a counter curse that she refused to repeat, said she couldn’t, not again, but she told me she’d gathered all the loved ones of the lost. Took them to the entrance of the mines, where they’d laid their joined hands upon the ground and repeated her chant. All the love those men had lost, the comfort they sought in their final moments, poured back into the earth—a ritual to mirror the curse’s origin. Gran said everyone felt it, the moment when the curse ended. It was a kind of quiet, she told me, a kind of peace.”
There had been so much confession between them in the last twenty-four hours. All of it felt tremulous, dangerous. A different kind of dare.
They were each trapped by fortune’s cage, the bars constructed of legacy and obligation, aptitude and determination. After tonight, Clark could see in her eyes the same heartsickness that he carried, the kind that came from tamping down and tamping down a longing to be accepted. Only unlike him, rather than courting approval, Riley spat in the face of societal norms. No one could reject her, because she existed in a singularity, isolated and enshrined by abilities others couldn’t access.
He’d thought at first that she relished that position, that she’d manufactured it, but after tonight, he knew he’d been wrong. She was born a curse breaker, and any further branding was an attempt to claw back agency from a calling that had stolen her chance at a more ordinary life.
Clark bowed his head. Riley had offered him something fragile here, a piece of her heart. He wanted to believe in the practice she’d dedicated her life to, but how could he?
They were at an impasse bigger than a contrast in temperament or working style. It was like she could see colors he couldn’t, and Clark only knew how to follow his own eyes.
“It’s a lot of responsibility, curse breaking.” He wanted to acknowledge the bravery, the commitment that she and her Gran both displayed, even if he couldn’t offer more. “And it’s impressive. People place control of their future in your hands.”
Riley shook her head. “Curse breaking isn’t about control.”
“What’s it about, then?”
The lingering happiness around her mouth turned gentle, secret. “Hope.”
“Hope?” The word caught in his chest—a concept that seemed flimsy only until you lost it.
For all Riley’s attachment to the occult, hope was an exceptionally mortal concept. A belief in better, knowing that your ability to effect change was limited. Clark, who had spent his whole life wanting—to be seen, to be special—found himself forced more often than not to use grimacing determination as a proxy.
Hope. It was the exact right word for Riley’s particular brand of determination and persistence.
For three hundred years a curse had plagued Arden Castle. The woman before him might be the first to challenge it directly—to try to fix it. One way or another, Clark knew she’d be the last.
“So . . .” Riley said in a way that made it clear he’d been silent for an usual amount of time. “Should we, like, brush our teeth and stuff? It’s pretty late.”
Ah. Clark checked his watch and saw the hour dashing toward midnight. The sun had set hours ago.
“I suppose we should get to bed.” As he stared down at the looming piece of furniture, he gulped.
Though he’d packed a bag to sleep here, Clark hadn’t actually engaged with the reality of climbing under the sheets chained to Riley. Of trying to sleep next to her. You couldn’t maintain your defenses in sleep. What if, in the midst of a dream, he tried to cuddle her?
Completely unaware of his crisis, the woman causing it sniffed her collar.
“Ugh. Okay, that’s it. I can’t stay in this disgusting T-shirt a moment longer.”
Clark jerked his head to stare at her. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I’m not gonna sleep doused in vinegar,” she said, as if this were a foregone conclusion. “I assumed that since you’re, uh, shall we say familiar with the impacted area of my body, it wouldn’t be a huge deal if I just—” She made a Hulk shirt-ripping gesture.
Panic must have registered on his face because she lowered her arms sheepishly.
“Or I can totally keep it on if you’d be more comfortable?”
“No.” Clark was gratified to hear his voice come out even. “No, don’t be silly. Of course you should change.”
“Oh, thank god,” Riley said, sagging in relief. “I’ll grab the scissors for you right now.”
Scissors? Oh. Right. She couldn’t remove the T-shirt over her head because of the manacles.
“Are you sure you don’t want to cut it yourself?”
“Well, yeah.” She tried bending to demonstrate how the angle wasn’t going to work.
In the loo, they fetched the small—tiny, really—pair of scissors she kept in her makeup bag. So much for getting this over with quickly.
Riley stood with her back against the sink, with Clark facing her. He could see himself in the mirror—he looked fucking terrified.
Starting at the bottom, he carefully pulled the fabric away from her skin with his opposite hand as he sliced through the saturated cotton. The soft skin of her belly was warm against the back of his knuckles.