Fake Skating(28)

I swallowed and stood, grabbing my notes, praying I wouldn’t do something like pass out or throw up.

I walked to the podium at the front of the class, and my chest felt tight as I looked out at all the faces. Unfamiliar faces that didn’t look especially friendly.

And then I made eye contact with Alec, who just swallowed and stared at me but didn’t even smile.

I took a deep breath, but my heart was beating so fast. I could feel it.

It was too fast.

Too fast.

“My name is Dani Collins,” I said, my voice thin and shaky. “I—”

“Louder, please,” the teacher interrupted, smiling but holding her chin up like she was trying to show me how to project my voice.

But I couldn’t catch my breath.

I knew what this was—I always knew what this was—but it still felt terrifying.

It’s just a panic attack, I told myself, but at the same time I wondered if I needed to go to the nurse or dial 911 because I just couldn’t get a good breath.

Help!

I tried taking another deep breath, but it wasn’t working. A wave of dizziness came over me, and I clutched the sides of the podium and tried it again. “My name is—”

“Ms. Sykes!” Alec yelled, and when my eyes shot to him, he was waving his hand in the air like he desperately needed the teacher’s attention.

“What?”She looked at him like he’d lost his mind and snapped, “Mr. Barczewski, can this wait?”

“I am so sorry,” he said, kind of in my direction but also to her, “but I just got a message that I have to leave early for an appointment, and I really, really want to get my speech done today. Since she’s new and obviously not too excited to do this, is there any way I can go in front of her?”

A few people laughed, and I didn’t know what to think as he stared at me. His brown eyes were serious and direct, like he was trying to tell me something.

“I’m not going to make her stop just because you want to get your speech done today, Alec,” she said. “I appreciate your—”

“I—I don’t mind,” I interrupted, a little shocked I was able to find my voice at all. “He can totally go now.” I let my eyes move over Alec’s bizarrely familiar yet unfamiliar face, not sure if he was aware that he was saving my ass.

The teacher gave a heavy sigh before saying, “Well, if you truly don’t mind,” her tone both beleaguered by his request but also amused. “Then, Alec—get up here and get your speech finished.”

A few people laughed as my shaking hands grabbed my notes and I went back to my desk, passing by Alec, who wandered up there with empty hands (not a single note card) and a confident smile like this was no big deal.

“Thank you, Ms. Sykes, for letting me do this,” he said, to which she gave a closed-mouth smile and tilted her head.

“Have you ever wondered what it’s like to work in a hardware store?” he said, causing snickers around the classroom. “It sounds wildly fascinating, I know, but you’d be surprised that a lot of the things that occur inside the walls of your local Ace Hardware are actually not that exciting.”

Even though I knew I was still next, I felt my heart rate slowing down as I took in a deep breath that felt so goodthrough my nose while he casually delivered his speech.

Which almost didn’t feel like a speech at all.

I was a little frozen while I listened, because hearing him speak that way, relaxed and self-deprecatingly funny, reminded me so much of my friend Alec.

And the little half smile he wore was exactly the same.

I missed him as he spoke, missed being someone he spoke to. I knew he was either a full-time jerk now or at the very least uninterested in rekindling our friendship—which was fine—but as someone who’d never had a lot of friends, I was homesick for the ease I used to feel around him.

As soon as he finished the speech, he left, briefly arguing with the teacher because he couldn’t seem to produce the pass that proved he was allowed to leave.

But he was so good at insisting that she ultimately let him go (while smiling).

As soon as he was gone, she called on me to give my speech.

I still had all the butterflies, and my hands were still shaking, but this time I managed to do it. I wasn’t sure if it was because I didn’t have to look at Alec because he was gone, or if his distraction had been enough to convince my body I’d be fine.

Whatever it was, I made it through the speech without passing out or throwing up.

Which felt like a victory.

Until lunch, when I looked up from Invisible Man and saw him entering the library.

Dammit.

Not only was it Alec, but he had three hockey guys with him. And Cassie.

I quickly looked down at the book that I was rereading in preparation for AP Lit, pretending I hadn’t seen them while I delusionally hoped that they were either in the library for some other reason or were going to ask me a quick question and leave.

“Can we sit here?” Alec asked, pointing to the chairs at my table.

“Sure,” I said, my eyes moving to his friends, who were all looking at me as they pulled out chairs and sat down. “I can move to a smaller table if you guys need the big one.”

“No,” Cassie said. “Alec said it was too noisy in the cafeteria and he wanted to go to the library, so we came too because, well… why did we come again?”