Five(31)

There is a launch party with champagne, even a sponsored endorsement campaign, and Nicholas is so proud of her, and she is a model for other work-from-home mothers, and gives inspirational speeches at women’s empowerment events, and is offered her own self-esteem podcast, and is even on a list of “Mothers Who Mean Business” in a national magazine. And then there is a cough she has that won’t go away. And then blood tests, hospital visits, surgery, treatment, hushed conversations late into the night about how to tell the boys. It happens incredibly fast, too fast, she is too young, everyone says so. And then one morning she is barely conscious in the hospital bed they moved into the living room, and her sons hug her before they go to school. She is gone before they come home.

Nicholas’s own grief is so huge he can’t even feel it because his worry for his kids is so much bigger. They don’t have a mother anymore, where does he even begin to deal with that. But then he remembers that he still does.

She’s awkward and difficult to hug and she’s cold, but if there’s one thing she knows more about than anyone else it’s this—death. He sends her a letter with details of the funeral. He knows she’d seize up if he called her. She doesn’t reply to the letter, but he’s not surprised. She was never very good with words.





Time





Destination





Expected




                       1st 7:06

                        London Victoria

                        7:09



                       This service has been delayed. We apologise for the disruption to your journey.



                       2nd 7:13

                        Bedford

                        Delayed





07:05




On an empty bench at the end of the platform, beneath a poster for a local orthodontic clinic, lies a discarded newspaper. It is folded in half. The corner of the top sheet lifts slightly and ripples because of a sudden, slight draft. The page is suspended, trembling in the air for just a second before it drops.

The train is coming.

The subtle movement of the newspaper indicates a shift in the atmosphere, the velocity and weight of the train as it hurtles down the track influencing the air currents, signaling imminent arrival, or, in the case of our five travelers, imminent death. The train is not quite visible yet, but it will be, very soon.

Because of the distraction of the emergency alarm, which is not loud enough to encourage evacuation but just loud enough to force everyone to shout, Bad Back, Medical Student, Emma, Gideon, Mrs. Worth, and Sonny have not noticed the slight flutter of the first page of the newspaper on the bench. Liam, unconscious under the platform, also does not notice it. If he were awake, he might feel the rumble under his spine indicating that the train is getting closer. But they all miss the warnings. They do not get the message. They are too busy with what is unfolding in front of them and within them.

To Do List stands paralyzed until 7:05 and eleven seconds, when she realizes that if anyone sees her standing next to the alarm they will assume she triggered it. She run-walks to the elevated covered walkway that bridges Platforms 1 and 2 over the tracks to survey the situation. She notes there was no point in sounding the alarm because no one has evacuated and no help has arrived. To Do List does not know that the alarm does not summon the fire brigade automatically, although that is a common public misconception. Station protocol at such a small station is for staff to first investigate the situation, inform emergency services if necessary, and then evacuate the passengers once they have accurate information. This is due to the prevalence of false alarms pulled for nonemergency reasons, such as personal belongings dropped on the tracks, children playing a prank, or the uncontrollable rage felt by some commuters at the circumstances of their lives that have trapped them in a cycle of early morning train journeys, working, maintaining a terrible diet, drinking too much, and going on budget holidays, only to return to the same station to wait for the same train to take them back to work again two weeks later. But today there are no railway staff emerging to help. It is all for nothing, another useless, meddling thing To Do List did in a fruitless attempt to be—

“Hey!” she calls out. “Hey!” She begins waving her arms. She cannot get anyone’s attention. “Down there!” she squawks and points, but no one can hear her.

“Oh God, oh God!” she pants frantically as she run-walks over to the stairs, another seven seconds closer to someone’s death, intending to descend them, but in her haste twisting her ankle and tripping down half the flight before she catches herself with the banister.