For the Love of Friends(83)

Jake’s voicemail was concise, at least. “Madison has been crying for an hour. Why can’t you just be a normal sister and make her feel welcome? I can’t believe how selfish you are.”

I grabbed a notepad and started my apology list. Caryn had probably gotten the worst of it in the blog and I was sure her friends were giving her holy hell, so she belonged at the top. Then I wrote Amy’s name above hers. I had forgotten to check if I had called her out about that Luke guy before hitting “Delete,” but if I had, that was actually the worst. Sharon was next, then Jake and Madison. Megan came fifth. She would forgive me no matter what, in the end. Then, after I had made amends with all of the brides, next up were my mother, my grandmother, and my father. I didn’t even write Alex’s name on the list. I was beyond salvation there.

It was one o’clock, and I had a lot of work ahead of me.

I tried Amy’s cell phone. She let it ring twice and then sent it to voicemail. I pressed the call button again. Same result. She picked up the third time, however. “What, Lily?”

“Don’t hang up,” I said quickly. “Amy, I’m so, so sorry.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment. “Is that all?”

“No. I didn’t have any right to—”

“No, you didn’t have any right! If you hated me that much, you didn’t have to be in my wedding at all!”

I hesitated. “I don’t hate you, Ames. If anything, I think I’m jealous. Everything always comes so easy to you.”

“Nothing comes easy to me! I’m working a part-time job and lived at home until two weeks ago! I took five years to graduate college and can’t find an actual career. You walked out of college into a job, you never had to move back home, and all anyone does is talk about how successful you are. But me? No one has ever said anything like that about me. I’m the screw-up baby sister. And God forbid one good thing happens—I find a great guy—and you try to ruin that just because I was talking to someone I knew in college?”

“I didn’t try to ruin—”

“Then why would you say that on the internet, Lily? Do you know how hard that was to explain to Tyler?”

“I’m sorry,” I repeated. “I can talk to Tyler and explain it wasn’t like that.”

“I already talked to Tyler. He loves me, and he trusts me. Which is way more than I can say for you.”

“I—” I took a deep breath. “I’m not going to make any excuses. I was wrong. What can I do to make this right?”

“I don’t know,” Amy said. “It’s not my job to tell you how to fix it when you mess up. You have to figure that out.”

I paused, taken aback. Of all the people to hit me with that truth bomb, she was the last one I would have expected. Which just showed how wrong I had been all along.

“Do you want me to drop out of the wedding?” I asked quietly. “I will if it’s what you want.”

She hesitated. “No. I want you to be my big sister and be happy for me, which you haven’t done yet.”

I felt my shoulders slump. She was right. Not once in this whole crazy year had I taken a moment to be happy that my little sister was happy. I said she was too young, and I said I didn’t think she would actually get as far as a wedding, let alone spending her life with someone, and I was snarky about much of it, even to her face. And if what she said earlier was true, about thinking everything came so easily to me—wow.

“You’re right. And I’m so sorry. I got so wrapped up in feeling like the victim because I was in so many weddings and am so much older and have no prospect of getting married anytime soon that I didn’t think about what was actually important.” She didn’t say anything. “You. Being happy. That’s what’s important. If that wasn’t clear. Because you’re my sister, and I love you, and—I—I—” Tears were flowing down my cheeks and I trailed off, unable to say more.

Amy let me cry for a couple of minutes, and I heard her sniffle. “I love you too. I still hate you right now, but I love you. Don’t you know how jealous I always was of you? You were off living this glamorous life and you didn’t need any guy to make you whole. I—I don’t know who I am if I’m not with someone. And that’s scary because I love Tyler so much and what if it doesn’t work out? You, at least, know how to be on your own.”

“Not entirely by choice,” I admitted quietly. “I want to find all of that. I just—can’t.”

“What about that Alex guy?”

“He—well, he saw the blog too.”

“And—?”

I sniffed hard, trying not to lose it completely. “No, that’s done now.”

“I’m sorry,” Amy said.

“Me too.”

“You know what could start making it up to me?”

“What?”

“Let me be there when you explain this to Grandma. I’m dying to know what she says about the sleeping-with-that-other-groomsman thing after the post you did about her at Jake’s wedding.”

I laughed through my tears. “Okay.”

“I’m not serious—well, a little. Just tell me what she says.”

“I will.”