For the Love of Friends(96)

I hung out by the bar for much of the evening, but I nursed the same two glasses of champagne all night. Martin asked me to dance because his wife made eye contact with me and then nudged him. But I returned to the bar after the song was over.

“Mind if I join you?” a male voice asked. I looked over. His name was Finn and he was one of Greg’s groomsmen. He had the kind of Boston accent that made him sound like a Kennedy.

I gave a half smile. “It’s a free wedding.”

He chuckled. “Free is a relative term at these things. But sure.” He tilted his head at me as he leaned against the bar. “You’re the scandalous one? Lily?”

“That’s me.”

“World’s worst bridesmaid?”

“According to Buzzfeed.”

He took a sip of his drink and smiled. “You don’t seem so bad.”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“Clearly. Because you look beautiful.”

I made a disbelieving face. “You mean DC Barbie isn’t your type?” I bit the inside of my cheek hard. I was supposed to be being good.

He laughed heartily. “No, it’s not. I like my women real.”

I turned to actually look at him. He was ridiculously handsome, as all the men in Caryn’s set were, with a full, thick head of hair and an impeccably cut tuxedo. Maybe he was a Kennedy. “It’s Finn, isn’t it?” He nodded. “What do you do, Finn?”

“Investment banking.” He cocked his head. “You?”

“PR. Same company as Caryn.”

“I have a feeling she won’t be working much longer.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“How about you?” I looked at him quizzically. I wasn’t exactly marrying rich and quitting my job anytime soon. “How are you going to spin this whole publicity thing?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve got some buzz going right now. You should use it. Find a way to make it profitable.”

“What does an investment banker know about that?”

He grinned. “My parents are in publishing. I cut my teeth on this stuff.”

The wheels were turning in my head. How much easier would my life be if I went for this guy? Money, parents in publishing, a straight nose and strong chin that would guarantee genetically superior offspring. I pictured a whirlwind courtship and a house in the Hamptons.

But I didn’t own my whole heart anymore, even if the person currently in possession of it didn’t want it. Rebounds were for the old Lily—this one wanted to do right by people. And herself. And feigning interest in someone else, no matter how great he looked on paper, was a recipe for disaster.

“It’s a good idea,” I said finally. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I set the champagne glass down on the bar. “I think I’m going to head out.”

He was surprised. “I was about to ask if you wanted to dance.”

I shook my head. “Thank you, but no.”

“What about the cake? And the bouquet?”

“I don’t want either,” I said over my shoulder as I walked away. “But it was nice to meet you.”





CHAPTER FORTY-THREE


I peeled off the purple dress, minimizing bra, and Spanx as soon as I got home, and then took a deeper breath than I had been capable of for the past several hours. I twisted my ridiculously straight hair into a messy bun to get it off of my neck and went to the kitchen to pour myself a well-earned glass of wine.

Becca must have come by the apartment while I was at the wedding because my mail was on the counter. I paid my bills online, so I was terrible about checking the mail. I took the stack to the trash can and flipped through it over the open bin, dropping the junk as I went until one letter stopped me.

My name and address were written on the envelope in familiar handwriting. Curious, I took it to the sofa and opened it.

Lily,

Maybe I’m a coward for writing you a letter instead of calling, but I didn’t want this to be a conversation.

I would love to say that I’m strong enough to forgive you and move on, but I’m not. You violated my trust, and you said unforgivable things about my mom. She may not be perfect, but she’s my mom. And the lack of respect that you showed her . . . there’s no coming back from that.

I also can’t forgive you for the fact that after thirteen years of thinking you were my friend, those things you said in the blog were how you actually saw me. Do you even know how to be someone’s friend? I thought I knew the answer to that, but apparently I was very, very wrong.

So this is me cancelling your invitation to my wedding.

I hope you can find a way to be happy, Lily. I won’t say you deserve it after this, but I hope you find it anyway.

Please don’t contact me again.

Sincerely,

Sharon

I set the letter on the coffee table with a shaking hand and leaned back against the sofa, a tear trickling out of the corner of my eye and snaking its way down my face before I wiped it away.

I deserved every word of that. To be fair, I deserved it from more than just Sharon. If anything, I had gotten off way too easily by only completely destroying two friendships. But knowing it was my fault didn’t make it hurt any less.



I couldn’t fall asleep, even after a glass of wine and some truly mindless television. I debated texting Becca, but I didn’t want to bring her down. Not now, when she was finally so happy. I had been a crappy enough friend to everyone else already. I would have to downgrade to a smaller apartment when she decided to make it official with Will—I couldn’t afford this on my own, and I didn’t know anyone else single whom I could room with. Not that I could imagine anyone choosing to room with me after seeing how I had just publicly treated my closest friends.