Good at Being Alive(12)
“?‘Let’s Get Wrecked,’?” Theo reads with a wildly unnecessary roll of the eyes. “Even more business appropriate than I thought. Let’s not wear that on television, shall we?”
I give him a saccharine smile. “Babe, you’ll need to keep up with my laundry a little better if you’re going to be so picky.”
“Excellent,” he replies. “We’ve already reached the point in our marriage where we make jabs about the other’s failings in public.”
Paula huffs a weary laugh. “If the two of you have gotten all this out of your system, perhaps we can begin?”
She slides us both the schedule for Iceland, the first country we’ll visit, as we won’t be able to catch the northern lights in the summer and the ice caves will be too dangerous.
“Theo is familiar with this already, since he put most of it together,” she says.
“Yeah, I can tell Theo put it together.” It’s the least fun, most grueling schedule I’ve ever seen in my life. He has us taking the red-eye to Iceland, arriving at sunrise, jumping into the Blue Lagoon and then immediately driving five hours to Iceland’s southeast coast for a full day of filming that won’t end until midnight…only to wake at the crack of dawn and do more shit on the way to the airport. “Who vacations like this?”
He rubs his temples. “Rebecca,” he says, as if he’s talking to a toddler, “we are not going on vacation. This is known as work, and our work is to pretend we are on vacation as efficiently as possible.”
It annoys the living shit out of me that he’s still calling me Rebecca when he knows I go by Bex. The only thing more annoying is that he’s turned what could have been an enjoyable experience into the trip from hell.
I shove the paper away. “This looks miserable, and it’s going to show in the end product.”
“Bloody hell,” Theo mutters. “Now is when you decide to take something seriously?”
Lars holds up a hand. “I agree and we’ll keep it in mind going forward. We need you guys to look like glowing newlyweds, not jet-lagged travelers, because people aren’t just watching this for the scenery—they’re watching it to see how you both endured incredible tragedy and found a way to make it beautiful.”
Something sinks inside me. There isn’t anything beautiful here at all. My story will go back to being a sad one, and I guess Theo’s will too, at least as far as the public is concerned. I’m sure Theo himself won’t be too broken up about returning to his complication or no-strings sex with models, or—if his reputation serves—both those things.
“Now,” says Paula, “the wedding.”
“Is it actually necessary?” Theo asks. “If we just post a picture or two and say we did it, is anyone ever going to check?”
Lars cocks a brow and pulls something up on his phone. “Apparently you haven’t seen the latest from Baby Makes Three.” He comes around the table and leans down between us before hitting play.
Kylie’s eyes are swollen. Jasper is wearing his serious face, one of two expressions he appears capable of (the other is more of a juvenile, Yosemite Sam–style glee, like he’s saying, “Yeehaw, we’re a-fixin’ to get this party started,” while firing pistols in the air).
“Bad news today,” she says to the camera. Jasper gives a solemn nod and rubs her shoulders. “We just heard from the production company, and they’ve decided the show is too similar to another one coming out, which would be really disappointing in and of itself but—” She looks back to Jasper and he nods. “We just found out what the other show is, and we’re pissed.”
“It’s bullshit, man,” says Jasper.
“Remember how their show was initially going to be about one of the owners of Families Travel?” she continues. “The guy who died with his family while traveling? Well now, it’s about the surviving kid who’s theoretically marrying the other surviving owner. There’s so much wrong with this that I don’t know where to start.”
“I’m telling you, they brought in actors,” says Jasper.
“Exhibit A,” she says, holding up a photo of me in a string bikini next to a picture of my dad and Jessie. “This is supposedly Rebecca Daniels. How exactly are we expected to believe that these people, who are both fair skinned and light haired, gave birth to this bitch? I’m sorry but that’s not how genetics work. And here’s the other co-owner, again, theoretically.” She holds up a picture of Theo, looking hot as hell in a suit, next to mine.
I already know where she’s headed with this, and I’ve got to give her props: we do indeed appear impossibly ill-suited. “Does anyone actually believe these two are together? The dude has a master’s degree from the London School of Economics and sold a tech start-up for millions while she didn’t finish college and possibly doesn’t even work. Oh, and here’s the other thing: he lives in London and she lives in LA. So how did this grand romance even take place?” She shakes her head before telling them she’ll be back with more info and reminding them to comment below.
Oh, and comment they do, with the exact sort of garbage I’d expect.
You should sue.
Bring them dooooown!!!
OMG, she’s such a little whore.