Good at Being Alive(33)

I don’t need him to do it, but it’s refreshing, having someone choose to.

His room is five doors down from my own. We unlock our doors at the same time. There’s something in his gaze as I say good night. As if he’s considering the possibilities here.

I picture the way his weight would feel above mine. The certainty of his kiss. I must be beyond exhausted to be thinking these things, but if I could manage to stay awake long enough, it would…

“Get some sleep, Bex,” he says.

Alas.

I walk inside, but just as I’ve finished taking off my makeup, there’s a quiet knock.

I picture Theo suggesting a drink. Theo suggesting a lot more than a drink. It’s an incredibly bad idea, but when have I ever let that stop me?

I cross the room and open the door, still not sure what I’ll say, and discover Caden standing there. Ugh.

His gaze sweeps over the room behind me. “Thought you might want some company.”

Are you fucking kidding me?

“I’ve been awake for over twenty-four hours, dude,” I say, barely civil. “I’m going to bed.”

“Guess I’ll just have to jerk off to those stills we took of you in your bikini,” he says. “Another time.”

I slam the door in his face. It seems insufficient, but while I’d love to be the girl who tells him to go fuck himself, things will just get worse for me if I piss him off. Caden’s got a powerful dad, one who could probably make sure this show never airs.

And I know from experience that no one’s going to take my side.



* * *



? ? ?

In the morning, I don one of the training outfits Mindy sent and head to the lobby, where Theo is impatiently checking his watch. I’m not even late. He’s just the kind of dork who’s eager to run.

A hot dork, however, and wearing the hell out of those running shorts.

While my mic is being placed, Lars is arguing with someone by phone, and Paula, beside him, looks tense. “What’s going on over there?”

Theo frowns. “Bad weather coming in.” He runs a hand through his hair. “And I suppose you haven’t seen the latest Baby Makes Three tirade. Someone is claiming to have seen me out in a pub with a woman in London.”

My stomach knots. “Were you?” I’m not sure why it will bother me if he says yes. I’m fully aware he’s with someone else, in some capacity.

“I was seen out with a group of friends from childhood, which included married females. You’d think I was in a brothel with the way they’re acting.” Maybe it’s the truth, but if so…why can’t he meet my eye?

Lars concludes his call and walks over. His good cheer is more muted than normal. “Okay, guys, just go for a run. We’ll stop you if we hit a snag but otherwise just try to forget we’re here.”

“So how far are we going?” I ask Theo.

He hitches a shoulder. “There’s a place called Vondelpark not too far from here. A bit of a jog and then we loop around the park, seven kilometers total. You’ll be fine.”

“I have no idea why you’d assume that.”

He acts as if I haven’t spoken and turns down the street. It’s annoying that he just assumes I’ll follow.

It’s annoying that I do it.

We begin to run side by side, at a pace I’d choose only if my life was in danger and probably not even then. He points out various things—solely because we are being filmed, I’m sure—and I mostly nod in response because he’s running so fast that I can’t speak. He doesn’t relent until we’re halfway through the loop at Vondelpark and have temporarily lost the crew, who couldn’t follow us down the narrow path.

“Why don’t we stop for a minute?” he suggests as we reach a small bridge. “The crew has to catch up and I’m worried you’re about to have a heart attack.”

“I’m stunned that would worry you. I’d think it would be a cause for celebration.”

“It’s hard to find a fake wife these days,” he says, lifting his shirt to wipe his face. “Production would be delayed a week at least.”

I laugh, doing my best to ignore that slice of abdomen revealed by his raised shirt as he pulls out his phone to take a picture of the lake. I move out of the shot without being asked this time and follow the camera’s gaze to the water.

“My father would have loved this. He loved to run in new cities.”

He puts his phone away and I brace for the inevitable discomfort that comes when I mention my family to people, which is probably why I always make it into a joke. “He and I would run together whenever he was in London,” Theo says, watching me carefully, not uncomfortable at all. “He was incredibly fit for his age.”

I nod, fighting this thing swelling in my throat. “That’s what pisses me off. You know who’s supposed to die before sixty? Someone who smokes a pack a day and eats a steak wrapped around a stick of butter. My dad ate well and worked out constantly. So did Bronwyn. I drink more in a week than either of them did in a year. I just want it to be…fair. I need there to be a reason for it.”

He gives me a sad smile. “What kind of reason would there be, though?”

I shrug. “Like if you and I were meant to meet. If, maybe, the child we produced from our union had a superpower, one that saves the world.”