Goodbye Earl(82)

Her shoulder throbbed; the tender space under her swollen eye did too. My whole body is an exposed heart, painfully beating. The word beating sent her right back to those steps. Right back to Trey’s face pressed against hers, his gritting teeth and the hate in his eyes although she’d done nothing to deserve it except exist.

She kept waiting to feel sad when she heard Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead spinning in her mind, but she didn’t. She felt a lot of things, but none of them were sad.

Many times—only after their big fights, when she felt the most like a small, caged animal—she’d imagined Trey dying in a horrible freak accident at the distillery so she could have a new beginning. She’d imagined someone killing him in a road-rage incident or him getting hit by a truck as he crossed the street.

Trey dying only meant she was free. It didn’t mean anything else to her. He’d stopped being a person she could muster up compassion for. It was either him or her. He tried to kill her. He said it with his own mouth; he couldn’t gaslight her out of knowing that. He couldn’t do anything anymore, because he was dead, and most importantly, he couldn’t hurt the baby.

One day she’d tell the baby the truth—she would. She’d have to.

Right now, she needed Beau to do something for her. Something that made her feel crazy for asking, but the pain medicine helped get her there. She closed her eyes and pictured her and Beau sitting outside somewhere by the water. Instead of beeping machines, there were birds. Instead of that hospital bed, grass. Instead of the white ceiling, nothing but blue sky and fluffy clouds. She’d make a Beau Bramford Pie for him and he’d make his grilled cheese, and nothing else in the world would matter.

“Beau, can I ask you a wild favor? Before I even say what it is, I want you to know that I know it’s crazy. Everything is crazy right now. When Kasey told me you were out in the parking lot the other day, the floor opened beneath me. I…I couldn’t believe you’d come all the way to Goldie just to see me. I still can’t believe I’m looking at you. It’s—” She stopped, trying not to cry. She was so tired of crying.

“Hey. I’ll do anything for you, Muffin Mix. You know that. You’ve always known that,” Beau said.

“I’m pregnant. And because of that and everything…could you…if it comes up, act like…this baby is yours? It’s part of my plan to get away from Trey. You don’t have to do anything. I’m gonna say it and I would just need you…to go along with it,” Caro said, watching his eyes.

“Done,” Beau said plainly. “It’d be my pleasure.”

“Well, only if—”

“Done,” Beau said again.

“Her name is Rosy Magnolia,” Caro heard herself say. She was so sleepy, and her body felt like it was soaring cloud-high.

“That’s a real good name and I know you’ll be an amazing mama to her.”

Caroline reached for his hand and Beau took hers, squeezed it.

“Thank you, Beau. I’m going to take a nap now,” she said.

“Good. I’ll be sitting right here when you wake up,” he said.

*



Caroline didn’t know how long she’d been sleeping when Trey’s mother, Paula, showed up at the hospital. Caro had woken up before and Beau left, saying he’d see her again later. Somewhere after lunch, she must’ve fallen asleep again.

She was scared to be alone with Paula, but she was alone with Paula now and her face was twisted into a snarl. Her eyes were red and wet.

“Nobody’s seen hide nor hair of Trey since last night, Caroline,” she growled. She said her name the same way Trey said her name, and Caroline’s heart was kicking so hard she figured a nurse would be in soon to check on her.

“What? What do you mean?”

“You heard me. I filed a missing person report. He’d never skip town without telling me where he was going. What did he say when he was up here? What did you say to him?” Paula asked. She was pacing in front of the hospital bed, twisting a tissue in her hands.

“He told me he wanted to get me the help I needed, and I told him I didn’t need help. I told him he needed help,” Caroline said defiantly.

“Why’d you tell him that? He’s probably upset about it. That’s a terrible thing to say to somebody,” Paula said, stopping to stare at her.

“Because he tried to kill me, Paula.”

“He didn’t.” Paula shook her head angrily. “You did this to yourself! If you—” Paula stopped. “Oh God, if—”

“He goes to Jesse County all the time—”

“He’s not there. We already checked.”

“Well, he hasn’t been up here today. I haven’t seen him. He hasn’t called either.”

Paula wiped her nose, threw the tissue in the garbage can.

“We’ll find him. When we do, I’ll let you know,” she said, regaining her composure.

“Okay,” Caroline said as Paula moved to leave the room.

Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead, Trey’s dead.

“Trey’s dead,” Caroline said softly to herself as Paula walked out, and the darkest part of her hoped that she’d hear her.