Heart the Lover (48)
‘Even you know it!’
‘I did live in Spain.’
‘I’m just behind. And I want to go on that trip next year. It’s part of the curriculum. You don’t have to pay for it.’
‘You will go on that trip. I promise.’ Please, dear God.
‘Do you think it’s possible for aliens to come and infect us like a virus with their thoughts?’
‘You are not allowed to watch that show.’
‘I’m not watching that show. Otis was telling me about it.’
Otis, the kid who told him about the atom bomb in kindergarten, porn in second grade, who never lets Jack’s surgeries, pain, or months of absences get in the way of a good friendship. The most loyal, foul-mouthed, naughty, generous friend you could ever wish for.
‘What are you at right now?’
‘One.’
‘Truthfully?’
‘Yes.’
‘You take your pill?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Take it before it creeps up on you.’
‘How’s Yash in the Tree?’ That’s what my boys call him, Yash in the Tree.
‘He’s all right. He’s not in pain.’
‘Morphine?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Good stuff.’
Not what the mother of a twelve-year-old wants to hear.
‘I’ll be home later today. Early evening probably.’
‘Okay, cool. Otis asked if I want to be a thruple.’
‘Wow.’
‘You know what that is?’
‘Mmhmm.’
‘I said no.’
‘I think that was wise.’
‘I don’t want to share my first girlfriend.’
‘Or maybe any girlfriend.’
‘Down the line I might feel differently.’
Down the line. Oh, this kid of mine. I have to remember this conversation verbatim for Silas.
‘Otis says it was her idea. He says she was going to ask me out, then she heard I’d be out of school for a month so she asked Otis instead. They want to come visit me when I’m back.’
‘Even if you’re not a thruple?’
‘Yeah. I hope she wears those shoes. So you can see them. Mom?’
‘Yeah?’
‘Do you think, really really honestly and not just to keep my hopes up, do you think I’ll be able to go on that trip to Mexico?’
‘I do. I really, really do.’ And I do. It is my job to believe that, to know that, with my whole heart.
‘I forgot to brush my teeth this morning. And last night.’
‘You should go do that after we hang up.’
‘I can feel crud stuck in places.’ He is moving his tongue across his teeth. ‘Did Yash say that thing about his teeth being shelves for food?’
‘Yes.’
‘I think about that a lot.’
‘Me too.’
‘You do have teeth like that. You always have food in them.’
I laugh. ‘It’s a problem. I should probably get braces.’
‘You wouldn’t, would you?’
‘You don’t want a mother with braces?’
‘Mom.’
‘I could get the invisible kind, that look like plastic wrap and make you slur your words a little.’
‘Mom.’
‘I won’t. Can you tell Dad I’ll be on a later flight? And I’ll grab a cab.’
‘Okay. I’m going to let you go now.’
I laugh. He’s imitating Silas’ mother. ‘Brush your teeth. I love you.’
I stay in the stall and book a flight for early evening.
Outside 508 Marni comforts her girls. ‘They had to put a mask on him and we couldn’t talk to him after that,’ she says.
She comes closer and says to me quietly, ‘God, he looks dreadful.’
Does he? I can’t see that anymore. I nod anyway.
She takes my hand. I’ve never done so much handholding in my life.
‘It’s good you’re here.’ She looks at her watch. ‘Oh shit. We have to go.’
‘We need to say goodbye,’ one of the pigeons says.
‘We will.’ She opens the door and they disappear through it.
I go back down the hallway and sit in the alcove that EJ has vacated. Was he hiding from Marni? Two nurses are nearby, chatting near the opening of their station where they come in and out. They are talking quietly about someone named Kelly. She never takes the tray, she sees it but she never takes it, so annoying. I sit there motionless, numb, knowing Marni and her girls are doing what I will have to do in a few hours. I don’t understand Marni coming for fifteen minutes. It makes no sense. None of it makes any sense.
I return to the room. Yash has a mask on. His oxygen is at 96. Sam is poking his neck.
Yash puts his hand out to me. ‘Feel that,’ he says, a bit muffled through the mask. He tilts his neck for me to poke too.
My finger sinks in, worse than before.
Sam’s phone buzzes. He looks at the screen. ‘He’s on his way.’
‘I’m inflating,’ Yash says.
‘We’ll ask the doctor.’