Hoarded by the Dragon (Monstrous Matches, #4)(42)

I tap my claws against the desk. “Giving them ownership will ensure that things are run properly. It gives each of them something to protect.”

I grit my teeth against what comes next, but it’s a price to pay. It will not do to promote others over my right hand. I cannot keep Ben indefinitely.

“Do you also want such a posting?” I ask. “You have dedicated many years in my service. You would have whatever branch you want.”

“Stop.” Ben doesn’t look up from undoubtedly typing an email on his phone. He doesn’t appear surprised by my offer.

I narrow my eyes. “You are welcome to do anything in our organization you want—”

“Kalos.” Ben glances up now. “I’m honored to have the position I do. Stop trying to get rid of me.”

I blow out a breath. “I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m trying not to be greedy with you. You are invaluable to me.”

And someday, he’ll be gone. Whether it be from time or his need for something more in his life than I can give. It’s the nature of things, but that doesn’t stop the sharp pain in my chest.

Ben’s mouth curls, and his eyes drop back to his phone to complete the message. “She’s really softening you up, isn’t she?”

I scowl at him.

Ben tucks his phone away. “How is it going?”

“What do you mean?”

“How are you… handling everything? Katarina? The pregnancy?”

I look away. Sometimes I forget that Ben knows every detail of my life. It had been necessary to explain why I kept to myself about a century ago. Why I chose to suffer through my heats alone. Why I’d raised Gage the way I had.

Ben is one of the few to hear my history from me rather than from rumor.

“Maggie says things are progressing nicely,” I say.

“And the two of you are…” Ben trails off.

“Your penchant for gossip is going to get you in trouble,” I say as if it hasn’t already. I found him listening at doors he shouldn’t when he was a youth. A second-generation demon with no one in the world to keep him from taking dangerous jobs.

He rolls his eyes. “It’s only gossip if I share it with anyone else.”

I open my laptop to scan through the large amount of files Mace and Sophia have been continually updating about the Leonid organization. I don’t have to see Ben to know my avoidance is annoying him.

“We only want you to be happy,” he says finally. “And you seem to be in a good mood lately.”

I have been. Other than my dragon wanting to drag us back to Katarina’s side throughout the day and being unceasingly annoyed that she set up her studio on the other side of the house. The pounding of monotonous tasks against my skull has lightened, and I look forward to seeing her each evening.

“She’s kind and honorable. I have been enjoying her company.” And the scent of her arousal makes it hard not to attempt to seduce her, but I will not push her boundaries. Even the simmer of attraction doesn’t douse the calm her presence gives me and my dragon.

Ben grins. “High praise from you.”

“We aren’t going to have a relationship, Ben.”

He frowns. “Why not? She makes you happy.”

“You know why.” The reasons seem to get thinner every day, but the important ones remain. My ability to bond was crushed centuries ago. That space in my chest where connections to those around me reverberated is dead now.

I cannot have another mate.

Even if I were able to bond, I don’t know if I can stomach the possibility of losing a bonded again.

Ben’s brow furrows. “You should tell her about your past. She should know about—”

“Watch yourself,” I cut in. The time I spend with Katarina is a light in an age of darkness, but I can’t keep it. Already it is a struggle to know how I’ll manage to be a father given my past and lack of abilities. My track record is poor, and that was without my dragon harassing my choices.

Ben’s shoulders drop. “I’m not experienced in grief like you are. But you’ve held on to this pain for years. Would it be such a bad thing to let it go?”

The similarity of his words to what I said to Katarina is striking, but it would take more than logic to let go of my pain. Sympathy for Katarina rings in me. I shouldn’t have pushed as hard as I did, but the waste of her devoting so much time to something in the name of alleviating guilt feels like a crime.

I would not have one as bright as her burn her happiness away over past misdeeds. She’s done her best to make amends, doing more will only perpetuate the cycle of guilt and self-worth in her.

She deserves so much more.

“Will you contact Gage?” I ask, ignoring the fact that I’m being cowardly by going through Ben.

Ben arches a brow. “Do you have a job for his crew… or is this a request for a personal visit?”

“He should know about the child.”

My godson should be told before the rumors start. That they haven’t started yet is pure luck.

“Of course, a new dragon will be born. It’s a momentous occasion,” Ben says, back to drafting emails. “Do you want me to contact any other dragons?”

My dragon hisses, and I almost roll my eyes at him. The creature too territorial by half. “No, just Gage for now.”