Hunt on Dark Waters (Crimson Sails, #1)(42)

But to spend all my time on dry land? To twist myself into knots playing at politics when there are people in need of saving? People I can actually help, instead of arguing circles just for the sake of power?

The thought of that being my future makes something inside me threaten to shrivel and die. “I just lost everything.”

“I’m sorry.”

I turn to Evelyn. It’s so tempting to blame her for this, but if her presence brought my problems to a head, they started well before her arrival. I’ve made my own choices. I can’t blame her for my actions. If I’d let the waves take her, maybe I would have stayed captain for another few months, a year even, but Miles was always going to make his move. Evelyn only expedited it. With every decision since meeting her, I’ve stood at a crossroads of law and heart. Every time, I’ve chosen heart.

I am in a mess of my own making. It doesn’t improve my mood to acknowledge that. “Let’s go. We’ll have to rent a room for the time being.” I pause, studying her guileless expression. “This doesn’t change your situation, Evelyn. If you flee, they will hunt you.”

“What’s the difference between you being stranded here and me being stranded … elsewhere?”

I give her the look that question deserves. “You know damn well the difference. Getting voted out of captaincy isn’t a crime. Reneging on your vows is. I am required to join up with the next crew we happen across, at least long enough to return to Lyari. If I choose not to stay with that crew, I’ll have to stay in the capital until I find a crew—or a job for the Council. Those are the only options. Not settling down on one of the other islands. Certainly not jumping through a portal to another realm. You have the same choices.”

“Seems like semantics to me.” But she falls into step beside me. “But I would kill for a good night’s sleep and a meal, so I’m not going to argue with you here. Maybe later. We’ll see what the night brings us.”

What it brings us is to the little inn nestled just off the road near the entrance of town. With darkness falling, the crowd down the main street has mostly dispersed, though there’s music and loud laughter coming from two separate bars. I stop and stare at the warm light shining through the windows. The people there seem happy.

As if this once-in-a-generation event really is something to be celebrated, rather than feared. I can barely wrap my mind around me.

The inn is run by a person with pale skin, dark hair, and a truly impressive mustache. They start shaking their head the moment I tell them what we need. “I’m sorry, but there’s only one room available. You might try your luck with another inn, but to be honest, I’m surprised we have any rooms left at all. I’m certain the other establishments don’t.”

Frustration threatens to drown me. This is one stumbling block too many. The pottery on the shelves rumbles as my power slips the tight leash I keep it on. Evelyn puts her hand on my arm, and despite everything, that allows me to get a handle on myself. She smiles at the innkeeper. “That will be fine. Could we get a bath and a meal?”

“Of course.” They eye me nervously. As if I’m the monster they fear. “The room has an inset hot spring and we have an agreement with the bar next door to have them bring over meals for our current guests. It’s all part of the price.”

Evelyn squeezes my arm. “Perfect. My friend has had a hard day, but we’re grateful for the service.”

“O-of course.” They slide a key across the counter and snatch their hand back as if they’re worried I’ll throttle them.

The worst part is that I’m not sure if it’s because of my display of anger or the crimson coat I’m wearing. I wasn’t displaying any power at all when we walked through the crowd earlier. Evelyn might not think I noticed how people skittered out of our path, but it was impossible to ignore. Their fear rankled. It always rankles.

Evelyn leads me back to a surprisingly large room, complete with a decent-sized bed and the promised pool of steaming water. It’s a nice space, but I’m not in the mood to appreciate it. She moves around the room, touching things and humming a little to herself. Even the sight of her isn’t enough to chase away the horrible feeling rotting away inside me. My entire life, everything I’ve worked and fought for and believed in … It feels like it’s teetering on the edge of a massive wave. One wrong move will suck me under and I might never surface again. “Don’t steal anything.”

She gives me a sharp look. “I don’t steal from normal people just trying to keep their business afloat. That’s evil.”

“You steal from me.”

“Yeah, I do.” She comes to stand before me. “You’re not a normal person, Bowen. You’re the villain in so many people’s stories. Us villains have to stick together.”

“I don’t want to be the villain,” I say quietly. I don’t know what to feel or think. All I can see is my ship sailing off to the horizon without me, taking the people who were as close to family as I’ll ever get. Not Dia, but I’m not foolish enough to think Dia will stick around. She’s always moved to her own beat, and that may take her away from me. Even if it doesn’t, she’s not immortal.

Eventually she’ll sail on seas I can’t reach.

Evelyn reaches up and tentatively cups my face. “Most people don’t want to be the villain. That doesn’t mean they don’t stumble into it by accident. I know you try to do good, and this hurts right now, but maybe you should use it as an opportunity to look around and see how things truly are.”