In the Veins of the Drowning(90)

A chill slithered over my skin despite the warm afternoon. I gritted my teeth at the building pressure in my chest when resounding whoops and cheers drew me in. Behind me, the crowd shifted and fanned out as the metallic clacking of armor sounded. I rose up on my toes and saw a flash of gold.

It was Theodore’s retinue. He must have seen the empress off. Princess Halla’s halo of white hair came first, luminescent as a pearl stolen from the seafloor. The glimpse was quick, as his soldiers soon barred my line of sight. Mindless and foolhardy, I pushed my way to the front of the throng. It was as if my body were being drawn by a magnet, my gaze hungry for a parting view of him.

A boot landed on my toe; an elbow jabbed my sternum. I tucked myself behind a tall, broad dockworker and when I saw Theodore, I lost all sense of pain and place. I evanesced into nothing but yearning. He looked like a myth, as stern and beautiful as the God he’d come from. His soot-colored coat and trousers accentuated the stunning lines of his body. The wind had pulled at a few dark locks, and they waved over his brow. I was close enough to see the green of his eyes, the curving line of his full lips. His mood was gloomy, his head bent down to the decking as he passed.

That weight on my chest crushed down harder. I wanted to scream Look at me, but I drove my teeth together. I stared at his back for one more tight breath before I forced myself away from the crowd of onlookers.

“Imogen?”

I froze, then whirled to see Lachlan, suited in his golden, vine-etched armor. He’d broken away from the procession and taken me in with startled hazel eyes. He closed the space between us in a few long-legged steps.

“I’m leaving. I’m just looking for the—”

He threw his arms around me. His rerebraces and vambraces pinched my arms. His breastplate scuffed my chin.

I grunted. “What the hell are you doing?”

He pulled away and held me by the shoulders. “Glad you’re not dead.”

My brows quirked. “Was I nearly?”

His mouth popped open as some memory seemed to surface in his mind. “Theodore certainly thought so,” he said, somber. “Agatha too. They mourned that first day as if you’d gone.”

I shrugged out of his hold, hating the way my eyes stung. “But not you, right, Commander? Death would have been a much cheaper way to be rid of me, after all.”

His mouth twisted sardonically. “You think I wanted you dead?”

“The lover of your king is your enemy, and all that.” My brows rose. “I almost killed you too, don’t forget.”

“I hadn’t.” He shook his head. “I don’t want you dead. I don’t want Theo miserable, which he currently is. I just need this kingdom whole and safe.” He stared out over the bustling docks. He bore a new burden too. It was in the grim line of his brow, the somber set of his mouth. “How do we see all that done?” I gave my head a resigned shake, which he met with a condescending look. “Come now, you’re the embodiment of a Great Goddess. Ichor in your veins. Stubborn and greedy for what’s yours. You’ll find a way.” He pointed to a ship behind me. “That one.” His half smile left his eyes flat, cheerless. “Goodbye, Imogen.”

Despite his words, it was a hopeless farewell. I could only nod in reply as he started on his way. “Lachlan,” I called out, surprising myself. He returned with a question on his face. “I… could use your advice. You spent all those years away from Agatha… How? How did you keep yourself together?”

He scratched at his chin with a gauntleted hand. “You don’t want my advice.”

“I’m low on options, Commander.”

He huffed an uneasy laugh. “All right. If you must know—I drank and I whored. Then after a few years, I took proper lovers. I was never without one. I felt worst when I was alone. It wasn’t until many years later that I took a friend as a lover. And he… he was good for me. He showed me care and helped me climb out of the low places that I’d made my home.”

“And you were happy in that time? With him? Without Agatha?”

Lachlan shook his head. “I’m sorry, Imogen. I was content. I was satisfied and enamored. But I was never happy like I was with her.” He gave me an apologetic shrug. “But you’re not me. Plenty of us fools move on to find better love. Perhaps there’s hope for you yet.”

I blew out a long breath. “I feel worse.”

“I tend to have that effect.”

I laughed, then glanced behind me. Hercule was carved into the nearest ship’s nameboard, the scrolling letters painted red. I moved toward its gangplank. “Tell Agatha I love her.”

“As soon as I can find her.”

I stopped. “What?”

He was unbothered, but an alarming prickle sped down my body. “Haven’t seen her since last night. She’s likely just taking some time to herself after everything that’s happened. You know how she is.”

The oddity of it struck me. Agatha would never have left my side. She would have refused to let me wake in that strange room alone—but I was being absurd. She was no longer my keeper, and I did not want her to be. Besides, Agatha was sharp claws and full of mettle, with a spine like steel. I had no reason at all to feel such foreboding. I gave Lachlan a pointed look. “Find her. The second you get back to the palace go search for her. Tell her I’ll come back safe.”