Into the Fading Twilight (Starlight Grove, #2) (77)

His mouth curved. “Truth.”

My heart fluttered as if it had grown wings and they beat against my rib cage. “It’s the only color.”

Kol shrugged. “Easier this way.”

Because everything fit. Nothing broke the confines he put it into. Nothing was hard to categorize.

“What’s next?” Kol asked gently.

My tongue darted out to wet my suddenly dry lips, and Kol tracked the movement. Because that was what he was good at. Finding people with the barest of hints. It made me wonder what else he could track over my body.

“I want to feel again. To really feel. I spend every day shoving it all down, locking it away. And when it bubbles over, I run, jump, or I—”

“Hurl yourself off a cliff?”

“Or that,” I muttered. “I want to choose feeling for once. I just … I don’t know if I can handle it.”

Kol took a step toward me. “Yes?”

I nodded.

“Words or nothing, Phoenix.”

“Yes.” The single syllable was an exhale.

Kol crossed the distance between us. “This might be hard, but I need you to tell me what the triggers might be. If there are things that won’t feel good. If we talk about them now, the rest might go easier. But you also need to know that anytime you say stop, this stops. Okay?”

I started to nod but then remembered the rule. “Okay.”

“That’s my girl,” Kol whispered, running his knuckles over my cheek. “Think you can tell me?”

“My neck.” The words erupted from me almost harshly, as if I didn’t get them out right now, I’d explode.

“Your neck,” he echoed.

“Feeling like hands could be around my neck. Or someone being on top of me.”

Kol’s throat worked as he struggled to swallow, and the battle for restraint vibrated through him. “Because he strangled you.”

“I think so,” I whispered. “I have flashes.”

Kol jerked his head in a nod. “But he didn’t … ” I was sure he’d know this from my file. The police reports. But I was also sure that some victims lied because they felt shame that wasn’t theirs to carry.

“No. He didn’t hurt me like that.”

Air left Kol in a whoosh. But he still struggled to even his breathing. “I have an idea. But if it doesn’t sound good to you, just tell me.”

My brows pulled together as Kol moved away from me and toward a closed door. I felt the loss of him instantly. That heat that always emanated from him. The knowledge that around Kol, I’d never be cold.

He opened the door to a walk-in closet and scanned a row of shelves above where the clothes hung. His gaze stopped on a box. It looked like it was made of black fabric. Stretching up, he tugged it down and then crossed to a wooden bench at the foot of his bed.

Setting the box down, Kol pulled off the lid. Curiosity had me moving closer. As I did, Kol lifted something.

Black rope.

My breath hitched, anxiety sweeping through me as I remembered a flash. A shackle digging into my ankle, tearing at the skin. I breathed through it. Because this wasn’t a metal shackle. This was rope. Rope that was black and looked incredibly smooth.

Kol’s gaze locked with mine. “I want you to tie me up.”





CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE


Nova




MY MOUTH WENT DRY AS MY BREATH CAUGHT IN MY throat. “You want me to tie you up?”

Kol nodded. “You need to be in control. To know that I can’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”

Everything around me swirled just a little too fast. As if I were suddenly able to feel the earth’s gravitational rotation. But as it all moved, some pieces started to come together.

“Do you do that a lot? Get tied up?” That curiosity was back, but this time with some heat. The kind that settled low in my belly and spread out slowly. The image of Kol tied up would now be haunting my dreams in the best possible way.

He barked out a laugh. “No. Never.”

The corners of my mouth pulled down, but realization dawned. “You like to tie up your partner.”

Kol let out a long breath. “I’m not normal, Nova. What happened with my father, it ripped any sense of trust away. And sex? It requires trust. I could give it in some ways, but I still needed … ”

“Control,” I filled in for him.

He scrubbed a hand over his stubbled cheek. “Maybe I can give you the thing that worked for me.”

A buzz lit beneath my skin, and I pressed my thighs together, trying to alleviate the pressure building there.

Kol didn’t miss the movement. “Phoenix,” he choked out.

I moved closer, my fingers running over the loop of rope. I’d been right. It felt like it was silk woven together. “It’s so soft.”

“The goal isn’t pain. That’s not something I’m into.” His voice had dropped the barest amount, as if another layer of sandpaper coated it now. “It’s about control. Choice. Trust.”

My gaze lifted to Kol’s face. He watched me intently. His focus split between my fingers and my eyes. My heart tripped as another discovery hit me. “This will cost you. Giving me control instead of the other way around.”