Just for the Summer(50)

“Water?” Leigh said. “That stuff that killed everyone on the Titanic?”

Mom burst into giggles.

“I’ll wait for Diet Coke,” Leigh said, taking the water and thrusting it into Mom’s hands. “Drink this. We don’t need you hungover your first day in the clink.”

“If you couldn’t get a rideshare home, what exactly was the plan?” I asked, pulling away from the curb. “And how’d you get here?”

“My date picked us up,” Leigh said. “Supposed to take us home too, but his wife showed up! That son of a bitch said he wasn’t married! He looked plenty married to me, getting hauled out by his collar. J-named men are the worst.”

Emma was laughing now.

“Hey—” I said.

“Not you, you don’t count,” Leigh said, loudly crunching a celery stick.

Emma leaned over and whispered, “I agree, you don’t count. So,” she said over her shoulder, “how’d you get banned from Uber?”

“Oh, this is good,” Leigh said. “Because it was your mom’s fault, Justin.”

“We had to do it,” Mom said. “They were too little, they would have died.”

“We found some baby raccoons,” Leigh said. “Real young, maybe five, six weeks old. Mama Coon was dead in the street and so Christine’s like, ‘I can’t leave them,’ so she gets on her hands and knees and pokes around the bushes until she catches ’em. I told her to put them in her purse and I’d take them to the wildlife rehabilitation center in the morning. So we get in this Uber, and we’re not a block from the place and one of ’em gets out and jumps right on the driver. He’s hooting and hollering, and he pulls over and kicks us out. So that’s how I got banned.”

Emma was laughing. “And how did Christine get banned?”

“Same thing, not fifteen minutes later, only this time on her account. We figured out how to keep ’em calm after that. They like sleeping in your shirt. See? Show ’em, Christine.”

“Wait, WHAT?” I started braking reflexively. “You have raccoons? In this car? Right now?”

“Well yes,” Leigh said, like I was being ridiculous. “All this happened tonight.”

Emma was dying.

I looked at my mother and her wasted best friend in the rearview. “You didn’t think to mention this? That you have wild animals in your bras?”

“Only three,” Leigh said, like that was better.

“What if they have fleas?” I asked.

“We washed ’em in the sink at the Circle K,” Leigh said. “A little Dawn soap, dried ’em with the hand dryer.”

Emma looked impressed. “That does work.”

“Emma, you want to hold one?” Mom asked.

She gasped. “Yes!”

A hand emerged from the back seat with a tiny chittering raccoon in it wrapped in a bar towel. “This is George Cooney.”

Emma took it and held it to her chest and looked at me with hearts in her eyes. “Look at his little hands!” she said.

“Oh my God…” I muttered.

“Justin, how can you be mad about this? They’re heroes,” Emma said, stroking the little gray head. “These sweet babies would have died.”

“Thank you,” Mom said. “I feel like a hero.”

Leigh leaned over the seat. “Now, you just tuck that little trash panda into your cleavage. Quiets him right down.”

Emma pulled her shirt open and put the swaddled raccoon inside.

“Are we even sure this is safe?” I asked, glancing at the lump under her shirt.

“If they’re not safe, why are they cute, Justin?” Emma said.

“It’s the forbidden puppy,” Mom said.

All three women started laughing.

I tried to look serious, but I couldn’t. Emma was having too good of a time—and Mom and Leigh were actually pretty hilarious drunks.

“Good Lord, these hot flashes,” Leigh said, plucking her shirt in my rearview. “Lets me know I can’t go to hell because I can not take the heat. Justin, you taking us to Culver’s or what?”

“You two don’t think you’ve derailed my night enough?” I said, getting onto the freeway.

“I do not appreciate that tone,” Leigh said. “I feel like I need to remind you that I used to wipe your butt.”

“Uh, you do not need to remind me of that,” I said.

“He had the cutest little baby butt. Do you remember, Christine? Like a little apple.”

“It was soooo cute,” Mom said from the back seat.

Leigh tapped Emma on the shoulder. “Is his butt still cute, Emma?”

“It’s really cute,” Emma said, smiling and waving her raccoon’s little hand at me while I shook my head.

She hadn’t seen it. Not bare anyway. But I couldn’t help but hope that she’d looked.

“Yes, I will take you to Culver’s,” I said.

“Thank you,” Leigh said. “Christine, how we doing on the list?” Leigh asked.

“What’s the list?” Emma asked.

“Prison prep,” Leigh said. “Memorizing your important phone numbers, dying your hair back to your natural color so you don’t see your roots come in, fixing anything wrong with your teeth—I’m gonna put money on your books the second they let me, hon. I’m gonna come every week to visit you,” Leigh said. “Press my boob against the glass.”