Lies and Weddings(125)
Rufus clenched his jaw. “As much as I’d like to chat about my artistic process with you, that’s not why I’m here today.”
“No, you’re here to scold me, I know. Cameriere, vorrei un Bellini. Do you want one too? Due Bellini, per favore. You know I haven’t had a single Bellini yet? I tried stopping by Harry’s yesterday but I walked in and it was filled with Japanese tourists, so I immediately turned around. Every one of those women was wearing a sun visor and a fanny pack. Can you believe they are allowing people with fanny packs into Harry’s? I don’t care if it’s a Chanel fanny pack, it’s still the end of the world, I tell you.”
Rufus slumped in his chair, exasperated. “I don’t know how you do it, Mum. You sit there judging everyone in the world except yourself.”
“That’s not true. I judge myself all the time. I judge myself every morning before I walk out of the house and see my public.”
“I wonder if you realize the harm you cause with your words. I somehow developed an immunity to your gibes long ago, but you’ve managed to give both your daughters eating disorders.”
“It’s impossible for a woman to be beautiful without an eating disorder.”
“That’s what I mean—that’s the kind of talk that’s just batshit bollocks! Do you realize that every single conversation we have, whether it’s on the phone or in person, consists of your endless litany of criticisms?”
“Chinese mothers show love through criticism.”
“You always say that, but that just doesn’t excuse your behavior. I’ve learned over the years not to internalize everything you say, but you need to know the damage you’re inflicting. You’ve tortured poor Bea to the point where she felt she needed to hide her pregnancy from you, and Augie—I don’t even know where to begin. She dreads every call from you. All her meditation and mushrooms—she does all of it to cope with you. But all of this pales in comparison to the way you’ve treated Eden—”
“There we go! I knew this was going to be all about that girl. What, did she run crying to you? Look what she did to me!” Arabella lowered her sunglasses for a moment, revealing a small gash on her left cheek.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have much sympathy for you today. That little cut will heal, but you might have damaged Eden irretrievably.”
Arabella snorted. “I did her a favor! I provided her with the truth!”
“Is any of it true? Or is it all just lies that you and Rosina cooked up?”
“The only person who has been lying to Eden is her father,” Arabella shot back.
“But you couldn’t resist being the one to break the news to Eden, could you? And then you had the audacity to try to blackmail her with it. Have you not a single ounce of compassion left in your heart?”
Arabella said nothing for a moment. She looked out to the dome of Le Zitelle, the iconic church on Giudecca island, looming in the near distance.[*] If she squinted and looked past the motorboats to the gondolas bobbing along the waterway, it almost seemed as if a Canaletto painting had come to life. There was only one Canaletto at Greshamsbury Hall, purchased by the earl who liked to dress up in butterfly costumes in the early nineteenth century, and she had moved it from the dining room to her bedroom. The more she thought of that precious painting ever becoming the property of Luis Felipe Tan, the madder she got. “What do you know about compassion? You have no compassion for what I’m going through. Here you are, having a jolly holiday in Venice when I’m desperately trying to save us from being thrown out on the streets by that druggie bastard!”
“Luis Felipe is dead.”
“I only wish.”
Rufus looked at her in surprise. “You haven’t heard? The poor bugger overdosed two days ago in the California desert. They just unplugged him from life support.”
Arabella went silent for a moment, processing the enormity of the news with a renewed sense of dread. “So what happens now? Who are Luis Felipe’s heirs? Who’s next in line to throw us out?”
“I haven’t the faintest clue. Luis Felipe didn’t have any children, as far as I know. Just a bunch of animals. Maybe we’re going to be evicted by a Chihuahua.”
Arabella groaned audibly. “You really don’t give a damn, do you? You’ve been released from the inconvenience of having to live up to the responsibilities of your birthright, and now you can just run wild on a nude beach in Hawaii.”
“Of course I give a damn. You know I’d do anything in the world for our family. But I didn’t cause this mess, and I’ve tried everything possible to help, but I just can’t fix it. I wish you’d stop trying to make me feel guilty about it. Greshamsbury was lost to us long before that volcano erupted. Stop making all our lives hell by trying to change things you can’t. Stop trying to change me. I’m never going to live up to the fantasy of what you want me to be, and neither will Bea nor Augie.”
“I don’t have fantasies, I only have hopes for my children. Until you become a parent, you will never understand what I go through, worrying myself to death about what’s to become of all of you in the future! But obviously I’ve wasted my whole life worrying about you ungrateful children!”
“We are not ungrateful. I’m not, anyway. But I do know that if you can’t find it in your heart to be happy for us and to love us for who we are right now, the next few decades are going to be bloody lonely for you!”