Lies and Weddings(3)
suffers from a lack of imagination.
—Lionel Stander
ANNOUNCEMENT IN THE
“FORTHCOMING MARRIAGES”
SECTION OF THE TIMES:
HSH PRINCE M. ZU LIECHTENBURG
AND LADY A. GRESHAM
The engagement is announced between Maximillian, first son of Their Serene Highnesses Prince and Princess Julius zu Liechtenburg, and Augusta, elder daughter of the Earl and Countess of Greshamsbury. A spring wedding is planned.
I
Dr. Eden Tong and Rufus,
Viscount St. Ives
GRESHAMSBURY, ENGLAND ? PRESENT DAY
Eden Tong and Rufus Gresham, who grew up as neighbors and had been the closest of friends since they were very young, used to leave each other secret notes in the hollow of a majestic holm oak that grew on the pathway between their houses. Nowadays, since they were quite often on opposite ends of the world—with Eden in England and Rufus constantly on the go—they would text every morning without fail. Eden (Greshamsbury Nursery School/Mount House/Downe House/Cambridge) would be awakened by her phone alarm playing the first few notes of Radiohead’s “High and Dry,” and after swiping snooze a couple of times, she’d eventually grab her phone and peer at the text message on Signal that was invariably waiting from Rufus (Mount House/Radley/Exeter/Central Saint Martins). Today’s text: RUFUS GRESHAM: What do you think of my nails?
Eden lazily texted back:
EDEN TONG: I don’t.
RG: Do I need a manicure?
ET: Because you chew them to the quick?
RG: That noticeable huh?
ET: Not really. Doubt anyone but your mum would care.
RG: Haha, she’s insisting I get a manicure before the wedding.
ET: Up to you. You might find it addictive.
RG: Hmmm. Seems decadent. Speaking of which, I had Shanghai Fried Buns last night. Like soup dumplings except bigger and pan fried so the bottom’s all toasty.
ET: Yummmmm. Same place as the hand-pulled noodles?
RG: No, new place in Chinatown. Can’t wait to take you there.
ET: Our list keeps growing.
RG: When do you arrive in Hawaii?
ET: Not going to Hawaii.
RG: You wish.
ET: I’m serious. Won’t be there.
RG: What?!?! Those NHS tyrants won’t give you time off?
ET: Um…not exactly.
RG: No excuses then.
ET: I didn’t make the cut. I’m not a royal or a trillionaire.
RG: Wait. SERIOUSLY? Why am I only finding out now?
ET: Thought you knew.
RG: This is bollocks. I’m calling Mum now.
ET: Please don’t. It’s fine.
RG: No it’s not!!! How can YOU of all people not be at my sister’s wedding?!?
ET: I was at the blessing at Greshamsbury Rectory.
RG: Not the same and you know it. I’ll call Augie.
ET: Please don’t. The last thing she needs now is more drama with your mum.
RG: She’s used to it. With Mum there’s drama 24/7. How often did you speak to your dad when you were away at uni?
ET: Maybe every couple of weeks.
RG: Mum calls me 5 times a day. If I miss 2 calls in a row she freaks out and thinks I’m dead.
ET: All mothers worry.
RG: 5 times a day is not normal when your son is 28.
ET: You know you don’t have to pick up every time she calls.
RG: I know. But I have Asian son guilt.
ET: You’re half Asian, so you should only have half the guilt.
RG: ;-) If only. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WON’T BE HERE! I was planning our itinerary. Swimming with dolphins. Flat whites at Arvo. Roadside rotisserie chicken in Waimea. Gill’s Lanai for the BEST fish tacos. Hiking to the waterfalls in Waipi’o Valley.
ET: I’ll come this summer.
RG: You say that, but you never have time. Who am I going to talk to at the wedding now? :-(
ET: All the pretty posh girls strategically positioned by your mum.
RG: She’s up to something…she’s fussing over me as if it were my own wedding.
ET: Maybe it is. You’ll get there and it’ll be: “Surprise! Here’s your bride, just stand on this mark and shove this ring onto her finger.”
RG: Wouldn’t put it past Mum. You know she’s been obsessing over who I should marry since the day I was born. She drives me CRAZY with it. You’re so lucky.
ET: Because my mum’s dead?
RG: Oof. Sorry! Didn’t mean it that way.
ET: It’s fine. I had the dream again.
RG: The one where your mother appears in random places?
ET: This time it was in the ice cream section at Waitrose.
RG: That’s not too weird.
ET: She was INSIDE one of those refrigerators dressed like Glinda the Good Witch.
RG: Isn’t she always in something sparkly when you see her?
ET: Yup. She was trying to tell me something, but when she spoke, there was no sound, just vapors coming out of her mouth.
RG: What do you think she was trying to say?
ET: Wish I knew…
RG: I know this amazing tarot card reader, Viv, who can help decipher your dreams. She’s up in Hawi. Dammit, you NEED to be here.
ET: I’ll come this summer, I promise.