Lies and Weddings(36)
At the front of the pavilion, a tall archway composed of gigantic pieces of driftwood framed the spectacular view of the beach for every wedding guest. The Reverend Caleb Oriel, the rector at Greshamsbury, stood alongside Gopal Das as each prepared to deliver his homily. As the sun began to set over the cloudless sky, bathing everything in golden light, Josh the water sports director suddenly appeared on the beach, wearing nothing but a crown of leaves on his head and a traditional grass skirt, his buff torso glistening with oil. He stood perfectly centered in the archway, held up a large white conch shell to the sky, and then blew into it slowly, creating a deep, haunting peal.
As the primeval sound echoed over the sand dunes, a dozen similarly dressed Hawaiian men marched along the beach holding up a Qing dynasty huanghuali palanquin, on which sat Lady Augusta. The men set the palanquin down just as a cluster of young flower girls in white slip dresses approached from the other side. The Earl of Greshamsbury, in a pale blue tropical linen suit from Davies and Son, strutted proudly up to the palanquin, took his daughter by the arm, and walked her up the beach path as the flower girls led the way, scattering rose petals in the sand as they sang “Somewhere over the Rainbow” a cappella.
The crowd stood up and murmured in approval when the bride walked up the aisle toward the archway, allowing the full glory of her exquisite Maison Valentino couture gown to be admired by all. Her sleeveless, high-neckline gown of Chantilly lace attached to a balloon skirt featuring a ten-foot-long train embellished with crystals and golden pearls was a feat that had taken a team of seamstresses three months to sew, and it was fittingly crowned by the heirloom diamond-and-pearl Greshamsbury Tiara, made by Asprey in 1818.
Arabella beamed proudly, savoring her victory. Seeing her beautiful daughter walk down the aisle clutching her crescent-shaped bouquet of white native flowers,[*4] looking like the dignified princess she was meant to be, was worth all the screaming rows they’d had over the dress. If only all those snotty classmates of hers at Maryknoll could see her now. As soon as the rector consecrated them as husband and wife, Augie would automatically become the Princess Maximillian zu Liechtenburg, signifying the first in a trifecta of royal marriages that Arabella would orchestrate. Next, Rufus would take Princess Solène de Courcy as his bride, linking the Greshams with not one but two of the noblest houses of Europe. Then Bea would surely follow in her siblings’ footsteps and snag her own prince—not fat Tassilo but maybe one of the dashing Greek or Danish ones—and it would be a fait accompli. Her legacy as the matriarch of her own royal dynasty would at last be secure.
Josh blew on the conch shell again, and this time a band of drummers appeared on the sand and formed a drum circle. As they began drumming energetically, an ancient wa’a—a wooden outrigger canoe—could be seen coming around the bay. Six men rowed the canoe through the waves, their oars perfectly synchronized, and perched at the prow was Prince Maximillian, dressed in a white and sky-blue paisley Etro robe. As the men rowed closer to shore, Max suddenly threw off the robe, stood up to reveal white boxer briefs embellished with gold fleur-de-lis, and dove off the canoe into the ocean. The wedding guests gasped.
“My crazy son,” Prince Julius guffawed as the crowd began to cheer him on. Max swam just a few yards before the water became too shallow, and he stood up in the waves and ran toward the beach. A trio of attendants appeared, quickly toweling him off and helping him into a white linen jacket and pants. He remained shirtless underneath the jacket, his only adornment an ornate puka shell necklace.
Max marched up to the archway and immediately embraced Augie, bending her over in a dramatic kiss. “Sorry, I couldn’t wait,” he said as everyone roared with laughter.
“Dear god, I’m completely soaked!” Augie announced through her giggles. “Maxxie, my gown is ruined!” Then, to the absolute horror of her mother, Max began to unzip her from behind, allowing her to step graciously out of the encrusted gown to reveal a lusciously beachy white slip dress woven from the finest organic unbleached hemp. Like a butterfly finally free from the confines of its cocoon, Augie turned to the crowd, grinning from ear to ear. The bride was going to get her way after all.
Skip Notes
*1 Everyone who was anyone knew Prince Tassilo’s weight gain was a result of his recent stay at Paracelsus, the world’s most exclusive rehab.
*2 The Princess Hanne Marit, who came from a long line of very aristocratic yet very practical Norwegians, had no awareness of bourgeois wedding traditions and spent most of her life in Johnny Was tunic tops and Alo Yoga leggings on her alpaca ranch in Ojai.
*3 Sharp ears might recognize this song as the main theme to The Crown. Of course Arabella would select this particular tune to make her entrance.
*4 An homage to the bouquet Babe Cushing Paley carried at her wedding to Stanley Mortimer. Arabella, of course, idolized Mrs. Paley, while Augie didn’t have a clue who she was.
XIII
The Wai‘olu Suite
FOUR SEASONS RESORT HUALALAI ? AFTER THE CEREMONY
Jackie Zivenchy was one of the world’s foremost event planners. She had once shut down the East River in New York for a private party on Randall’s Island. She had masterminded political conventions and multimillion-dollar product-launch events held at stadiums involving thousands of guests. She knew how to handle the most demanding clients on the planet, people who were too famous and too rich to ever hear the word “no.” But she had never imagined that an intimate wedding for three hundred on the Big Island of Hawaii would mark the nadir of her illustrious career, and that things could ever go so, so wrong.