Maybe Once, Maybe Twice(74)

Hours later, as he walked me to the car to say goodbye, Asher tugged me back to his chest for one last kiss. Our lips parted, and we stood with our foreheads pressed together in front of Summer’s car in the front yard.

“So, any chance you don’t want to leave?” he asked, smiling.

I want to stay forever.

“I mean, I don’t want to leave, but my sheet music, my lyrics, my guitar—everything is back in the city.” I sighed, hating being rational. “And I don’t exactly have a lot of time left to deliver you perfection.”

He delicately tucked a stray hair behind my ear. “Fair. I’m going to head back into the city Friday. My co-pro is organizing this thing at his townhome in Brooklyn. A bunch of people who are involved in On the Other Side will be there.” He tugged me closer to his body. “Come with me? Schmooze, meet some music people? Raini will be in attendance, and it would be nice to put you two in the same room.”

I went to say yes, but then I hesitated, hearing my manager’s words echoing in my head—a reminder that my career was in Asher’s hands. As swiftly as Asher had given me my dreams, he could take them away.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I asked.

“What do you mean?”

I shuffled, uncomfortable with the direction this conversation was going—bringing up distrust toward a man I had only ever deeply trusted.

“I don’t know if we should be seen together in public…or if this is a good idea while we’re working together. I just…” I trailed off, silenced by the way his brows pressed together.

Asher was visibly stung, and he had every right to feel that way. I had kissed him in the water, I had pulled him closer to me, I had taken off his clothes just as he had taken off mine.

“Well, you really are being managed by the best, aren’t you?”

He kicked the gravel below his feet, keeping his eyes on his tennis shoes. I took his hand in mine, and he didn’t squeeze my fingers back.

“I have everything to lose here, Asher.”

“And what makes you think I don’t?” He stared directly into my face, waiting for my answer.

“Asher, you’ve made it. You’re an Oscar winner. You have an entire career to rest your decisions on. I don’t. What if we move forward and this doesn’t work out, and you…”

“And I what? And I ruin your career out of spite? Really? This movie is going to put you on the map. With or without me in your bed, you’re going to make it, Maggie Vine.”

“You don’t have to phrase it that way.”

“How else would you like me to say it?”

He put his hands on either side of my arms, holding my body steady, so that his statement would soak in through my bones, so I would believe it.

“You’re going to make it. I’d like to be by your side when you do, but I wouldn’t dare stop you from succeeding if I’m not. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this, but a career win for you on this movie is a career win for me. I’m up against the clock, I hired you for a reason, and no one else is taking your place. I know you have the best team, and I know you’ve heard horror stories, but Mags, I wouldn’t take this away from you, not for the world.”

I wanted to tell him the truth, that I hadn’t just “heard” horror stories. I had lived one. Truthfully, the idea of someone who was so deep inside my soul hurting me—the idea of Asher Reyes turning on me—it felt impossible. I had tried to leave hope in the rearview so I could focus on reality, and it was possible that believing in Asher’s good nature was too optimistic, but trusting him felt more realistic than hopeful.

“Mags, I’ve spent so much time trying to hide what’s going on inside. Something about you, about the way you always made me feel, about the way you make me feel—it feels like everything. In the ocean yesterday—that’s the most alive I’ve been in almost twenty years.”

I gazed up at him with wide eyes.

“Why didn’t we do this sooner?” I asked, my voice trembling with regret.

Asher’s eyes flickered down to his hands as his mouth searched for the words.

“I didn’t know if I meant something to you, the way you meant something to me. And then, the cards fell into place on this movie, and it felt like a window I could open.”

“And if that movie hadn’t come together the way it did, exactly when it did, would we be standing here like this—you and me?”

He looked me dead in the eyes. “I would have found you, because the question mark was killing me,” he said without hesitation.

I took a step forward, my hands on his hips, my eyes locked on his.

“You meant something to me. You know you did. And you still do,” I said.

He exhaled into a smile and pulled me tightly toward him. I wrapped my arms around his neck as the ocean air swirled around us. There was a silly grin on my cheeks. It felt like letting go and holding on, all at once; like watching every piece fall into place.



* * *



SOMETIME LATER, I HELD THE same expression as Summer drove me back toward the city, her usually aggressive driving tempered by her wavering attention—which was half on the road, and half on myself.

“So, did his penis grow since the last time you saw it?” she asked, as we passed by a vegetable stand.