Must Love Flowers(25)

“And that’s the reason you made this appointment?”

“Yes. That and other reasons.”

“You should know that I don’t give directions, Joan. That’s not the way a counselor functions. My role is to help you find your own way. It will be painful at times and joyous at others. It isn’t easy to break patterns that we fall into when our natural instinct is to steer toward what is familiar. Are you ready to make those changes?”

“I’m here.” That should be answer enough.

Dr. O’Brien smiled. “That’s a wonderful first step in the right direction, and I applaud you. Would you consider attending a grief therapy group?”

Joan automatically shook her head, vehemently rejecting the idea out of hand. “No.”

Showing no outward sign of disapproval, Dr. O’Brien asked, “Can you tell me why you’re so adamantly against the idea?”

Inhaling a calming breath, Joan lowered her gaze to the floor. “The people in this group have all lost loved ones, right?”

“Yes, that’s the reason they chose to join the group.”

“Each one is grieving, the same way I am…I can’t take on their grief, I can’t sit and listen to all that they’ve lost when I’m dealing with my own pain. It would destroy me.” Joan could only imagine how hard it would be to carry the weight of another’s immense loss along with her own. She wasn’t strong enough.

“It isn’t like that, Joan. The sessions are affirming; it’s about healing, leaning on one another with shared experiences. Many participants in this group have worked through their grief and come out the other side or are on their way there. They treasure their loved ones and always will. Like you, they lost their equilibrium in their pain but have found the courage to right themselves and move forward.”

A group meeting was completely out of Joan’s comfort zone. “Can’t I just continue to see you?”

“Of course, if that’s what you wish. I’d be happy to work with you. However, I wish you’d give the group at least one try. Afterward, if you decide it isn’t for you, then the two of us can continue as we are now. Deal?”

Although reluctant to agree, Joan felt she didn’t have anything to lose. “Deal.”

“Wonderful.”

“Will you be there?” Joan asked.

“Of course.”

“How large is the group?” She had more questions, and while she’d agreed to attend a session, her mind was already made up; she wasn’t interested in group therapy.

“We currently have eight members.”

At least that number was manageable. She hoped she wouldn’t feel too overwhelmed.

“We meet Wednesday night at seven in the conference room.”

Joan made a mental note of the information. “I’ll keep the commitment, but I don’t really think this is for me.”

Dr. O’Brien nodded, accepting her words. “I appreciate your willingness to give it a try.” She looked at the time, silently letting Joan know the session was over.

She stood, and Joan did as well. They exchanged handshakes. “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

“Wednesday, at seven,” Joan repeated. “Thank you.”

“It was my pleasure. I appreciate how difficult it was for you to make this appointment, Joan. I’m proud of you.”

For the third time that morning, Joan’s eyes flooded with embarrassing tears. She lowered her head as she hurried toward the exit, keeping her gaze on the floor as she fled into the parking lot.

By the time she returned to the house, Joan was emotionally exhausted. The doctor was right. It had taken courage and fortitude to keep the appointment. Nevertheless, it was progress in the right direction. All she needed to do now was continue down this path to life, to recovery, to the future…whatever it might hold.

By the time she made herself a cup of her favorite tea, an orange spice combination, the front door opened, and Maggie came barreling in and raced up the stairs to her room. This was the week of her finals. Maggie had spent nearly the entire weekend in her room studying.

Joan met her at the foot of the stairwell as Maggie came racing down, clenching a bookbag.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot my textbook. Sorry, I’ve got to run or I’ll be late for class.” She rushed out the door.

Smiling, Joan followed her onto the porch and shouted after her, “You’re going to do great. Relax.”

Maggie gave her a wave and a smile as she rushed to her car.

The young nursing student had been with Joan only a few days and it seemed that the house that had lain fallow for the last four years had come to life. Joan had insisted Maggie join her for dinner over the weekend and they had a lively discussion about the books they’d both read and politics on which they basically agreed, with some differences. Joan appreciated that they could share their opinions without those differences interfering in their genuine liking of each other.

After making herself a sandwich for lunch, Joan called her sister. Emmie seemed pleased to hear from her.

“You called me,” her sister said approvingly. “Instead of me being the one to reach out to you.”

“That’s because I have news,” Joan said, feeling almost giddy.