Nectar of the Wicked (Deadly Divine, #1) (100)

I wished I could roam freely throughout this land and any other without fear. I wished I could further get to know the male who was my father and have him smile and wink at me again without feeling like I needed those tiny displays of affection. Hints that he cared for me.

This kingdom was supposedly my own, yet I couldn’t shake the sense that one wrong move might cause all of it to disintegrate and cave in around me.

I wanted to be accepted here. In a way I hadn’t been accepted in Crustle or in Florian’s court. In a way that finally made me feel like I’d found it.

Home.

Avrin dropped his spoon with a clatter, then leaned back in his chair.

Sufficiently shaken from the anxiety that refused to let me feel at ease, I was grateful. “And your brother?” I asked, recalling that he was a member of the Wild Hunt.

“He wanted no part of this kingdom or any other. He left with the hunt the moment he matured and proved his worth to them.”

Curious, I asked, “What did he have to do?”

Avrin grinned, then rose from his chair and said with a seriousness that shocked, “Trust me when I say you’re better off not knowing everything, Princess.”





The following afternoon, I ventured down those sandstone steps to the terrace once more.

Determination kept my stride steady and my shoulders back as I neared the gates that would open to a world I’d yet to experience.

And I was tired of waiting.

Tired of sitting within a pretty palace, awaiting my father’s attention when I was beginning to fear he saw me as nothing more than a creature to be kept in order to keep me from his enemy. I should have been grateful for such protection. But the safety I’d found was nothing like I’d envisioned.

This time alone had made it clear that all I’d found since beginning my hunt for something so elusive was more uncertainty, violence, and questions.

I wanted no part of this war. I wanted to live without being used by scheming males. I wanted to breathe without feeling the burn of betrayal and missing someone I never should have wanted.

I wanted to escape everything I’d foolishly hoped to find and have the freedom to find something else.

Maybe I would find a place of my own. A place where no one would bother me. And if I had to find such a place in the middle lands until these kingdoms forgot that I existed, then so be it.

I couldn’t return to the apartment. It would be the first place Florian and Molkan looked. I’d have to work my way farther south toward the wood-laden borders of the human realm, and gain employment along the way to help me achieve that.

The guards ceased talking and separated when they became aware of my approach. Both moved to the center of the gates, chins high and their hands drifting to the weapons at their sides.

I stopped a few feet away, frowning. “I wish to leave.”

Neither of them responded. They didn’t need to.

My heart sank, my new plans dissolving upon the warm breeze. I was evidently not permitted to leave the palace grounds.

Footsteps crunched down the drive behind me before I could set my panic-induced anger free by demanding to be released.

I whirled on Avrin, seething quietly, “Why won’t they let me through?”

“It’s not safe for you out there. You know that better than anyone after almost having your throat carved wide open.”

The reminder made me instantly tense. “I can fend for myself, Avrin.”

“Of course.” His lips twitched. “With the help of some creatures, if they just so happen to be around?”

I glowered at him. “Let me go. Whatever happens to me is of no consequence to you and Molkan.” I swallowed thickly, suddenly desperate to run through those gates when his brows rose and his arms crossed. “I have no intention of being captured by Florian, if that’s what you’re so worried about.”

Avrin gave the guards behind me a slight nod, an unreadable command in his gold eyes. Then he looked down at me and whispered through lips that barely moved, “We cannot talk here.”

Confused, I let him escort me back to the terrace and up the steps.

As we neared my room, my impatience and anger returned. I hissed, “I didn’t realize I was a fucking prisoner.”

His brows jumped at my crassness.

But I wasn’t sorry. In fact, something loosened in my chest at having been so careless with my actions.

It was then everything I’d held inside for days while hoping to be proven wrong—while hoping that I’d merely grown jaded from all I’d been through—exploded. “He barely even looks at me, Avrin. Not once has he asked me about myself, about the things I love and the life I’ve had...” My chest heaved, my eyes blurring with unexpected tears. “I want to leave. Please,” I croaked. “Just let me leave.”

Avrin licked his lips, casting his gaze to the end of the empty hall.

When he looked back at me, he murmured, “You’re not a prisoner, Tullia. But until we’ve formally announced your arrival at the introduction ball tomorrow evening, we would like you to remain in the palace.”

My breath stalled with my thudding heart.

I shook my head, not wanting to believe I’d overreacted with my outburst. But perhaps I had. “A ball?”

Avrin’s jaw clenched. He nodded and lingered after he stepped back, as if he wished to say something else. Then he walked away.