Needy Little Things(29)
“Do you remember that gnat Malcolm and I were talking about? Phillip?”
“Yeah. Vaguely.”
A light rain starts up. My eyes linger on the wiry muscles of his forearm a little too long as he reaches to click on the windshield wipers. “He’s Danny’s brother. He asked me to come here and I felt guilty about everything so I said yes.”
“But isn’t he some kind of creep?”
“Malcolm said that, not me.” I position Santa Bag comfortably between my feet. “But I guess his feelings rubbed off on me because a few minutes ago I thought maybe Phillip had Deja in the basement.”
Jude laughs awkwardly, like I’ve made a bad joke. “Wait.” He turns his upper body to face me. “You’re serious?”
“Yeah.” I raise my eyebrows and pop my lips. “I wouldn’t kid around about my missing friend.”
He presses his palm to his forehead. “I’m sorry. That was a stupid thing to say.”
“It’s fine. I hear how it sounds, but the police really did question him.”
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, like he needs to chew on this information to process it. A couple of seconds pass before he wrinkles his nose and frowns. “Did you know that before you went in there?”
“Hell no. Some stuff crossed my mind when I saw how close he lives to the park, but no.”
“Why’d they question him?”
“Probably a combination of things, but he sells bandannas just like the one Deja was wearing. He buys them in bulk.” I blow out a puff of air. “Of course, I saw him use one before I knew all that, then I heard something moving in his basement and my mind ran with it. Almost peed my pants.”
“Do you think he could have been involved?”
“No. He’s kind of weird, but he’s always been like that. And the police didn’t arrest him, so there’s that.” The last part doesn’t comfort me as much as it should, but it does help.
Jude begins to drive. “What was moving in the basement?”
“His dog.”
“What kind was it?” he asks all eagerly, the way dog lovers always do.
“I—” My blood goes a little icy. I didn’t see the dog. But did I hear it? Did I see water or food bowls? A leash? Pet hair? I can’t remember and I’m embarrassed to admit I left without even confirming if what Philly said was true.
“Ri?”
“I don’t know. Big dog named Bear. Could knock him over. That’s why he has it down there.”
Good thing Philly said I’m welcome anytime because it looks like I’ll be making another trip to the Irvine residence really soon. No chance my brain will let this go until I do. But for now, I can address something else my brain won’t drop.
“I know you didn’t really want to talk about it last night, but were you able to clear up the whole hairbrush, poison ivy thing with the police?”
“I think saying clear up”—he flicks on his turn signal—“makes it seem like there was something they had the wrong idea about. That was my first time talking to them. I just told the truth. Like I should have told you from the jump. Might have avoided you looking at me like some kind of criminal. But what can I say? I was really embarrassed.”
“Why would you be embarrassed about that?” I ask, wondering if it might have anything to do with what I saw on Google.
He fiddles with the cord of his phone charger at a stoplight, smiling a little. “You started calling me your friend right after the Danny thing.”
I scrunch my brows, confused by where he’s going with this. “Yeah. I told you why.”
“Because my needs went silent.”
“Right.” It’s my turn to be embarrassed. “Was that awkward? I’m not well-versed in the making-new-friends department.”
He laughs. “Yeah, it was a little awkward, but not for the reason you think.”
“Then why?”
He licks his lips and keeps his eyes trained on the road. “I get embarrassed around you because I care what you think of me. I noticed you months before you noticed me. I don’t think I was ever interested in just being your friend.”
The temperature in the car seems to spike twenty degrees and I’m tempted to open the door and throw myself into the road just to feel a little breeze. “Jesus, Jude.” I pull at the collar of my shirt. “Don’t people, you know, usually beat around the bush with that sort of thing? Ease into it?”
“I don’t know.” He smiles. “You asked. But also, to be clear, I’m not asking you anything. You don’t have to say anything. There are way bigger things going on right now. But you should also know that I’m here for you however you need me to be. Okay?”
My heart threatens to hammer its way completely out of my chest because I like this boy. I do. But do I deserve this excitement fluttering in the pit of my stomach? The warm flush he gives my cheeks? Do I deserve that while Deja is out there somewhere? Hurt or in danger? Do I deserve it when it was choices I made, tickets I was given, needs I heard that led to it?
I settle back into my seat and whisper, “Okay.”
CHAPTER 12
Jojo’s sprawled across the living room floor on his belly when I get home later that afternoon. An empty carton of orange juice sits on the coffee table and some Oreos are crushed into the rug. He lazily presses buttons on his game controller.