Nobody in Particular(40)
She leans her elbow on the piano and tips her head back. “Eh, I guess I figured it’d happen eventually. Alfie’s been into her for years.”
“Yeah, totally,” I say, like this isn’t news to me at all. “But, I don’t know, Rose never really mentioned him like that. Not to me, anyway.”
Molly takes a deep, slow breath, and I’m reminded of Mom when I’m in a whole heap of trouble and she’s trying to calm herself down before she tears my head off. “Look,” she says. “Please don’t be offended. I promise I’m not annoyed with you. But I really, really don’t care about Rose’s love life, and I don’t want to talk about it, if that’s okay.”
“Oh my god, totally fine. I get it.”
“Actually…” She catches herself, like she’s thought better of what she was going to say. Then she gets a determined look. “I’ve been thinking, and I could really use some space from Rose. I didn’t know how to tell you in a way that doesn’t make it sound like I want you to choose between us, because I really don’t. I just think I’d like to spend less time with her if I can.”
I guess I’m not surprised to hear it. If anything, I’ve been figuring something had to give between the two of them eventually, one way or another. How long can you give someone the silent treatment if you’re eating every meal with them, and hanging out in the same group with them after class? But I’ve never really seen Molly hang with anyone outside of our group. Being internet famous apparently doesn’t translate to having endless real-life friends. And if she’s not expecting us to cut Rose off or choose sides, what does that look like for her, exactly? Her sitting by herself, livestreaming her lunch?
The thought makes my stomach twist. After everything Molly did for me when I started here? I mean, she’s the reason I never spent a second sitting by myself at meals, or in class. I can’t stand the thought of it happening to her.
I think back to Rose. The rugby game. At the palace. Our text exchanges, and how they went from weekly to daily.
But I haven’t heard from her since this morning. She left me on read. To go and kiss Alfie.
As much as I don’t want to lose Rose or Eleanor as friends, I can’t help feeling like a bit of space from Rose might not be the worst thing in the world for me, too. Maybe if I take some time to hang with just Molly for a few weeks, it’ll give Molly a chance to cool down, and I’ll be able to kick this stupid little crush. I know from past experience it’s not easy to shut feelings down if you’re spending time with the person every day. And the last thing I need is to be pining after a taken girl for the next year.
Nip it in the bud, right?
“If you want to hang out one-on-one for a while, I’m fine with that,” I say.
Molly looks like she could kiss me. Not her, too. I really am seeing it everywhere. “Really?”
“Sure. You said you don’t want me to pick sides, right? Like, this isn’t going to be a declaration of war or anything?”
“No,” Molly says firmly. “Definitely not. You’re free to do anything you want. If you want to talk to Rose, or hang out with her, go for it. But I won’t be joining for a while. And I’d … honestly, I’d love to still be able to spend time with just you, if you’re up for it.”
The more I think about this, the more it sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a while. “Totally,” I say. “Let’s do it. I’m down.”
Molly actually claps her hands together. This must have really been eating her up. I think she must have been expecting me to say I’d miss her, and good luck. And, I guess, I can see why. If she’d asked me this two days ago, I don’t know if I’d have been able to offer to ditch the group with her quite as fast.
But that was two days ago, and this is now.
“Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” she asks. I’m glad she asked again, because my stomach’s started rumbling over the last couple of minutes. Maybe a distraction from this morning’s news story is all I really needed.
“Fine, I’ll come,” I say, closing the lid of the piano. We walk across the ballroom together, and then out into the freezing night. “What about Eleanor?” I ask as we go.
“What about her?”
“Do you need space from her? Or can she join us?”
Molly laughs, but it’s a sort of bitter one. “She can join us. She won’t, though.”
“No?”
“She’ll stick with Rose, no matter what.”
“Really?” I ask. “I kind of thought she was friends with both of you.”
“She is. But it’s different with her and Rose.”
“How so?” I ask as we enter the courtyard and pass the fountain. Icy water sprays us as we pass, and I wipe it off my cheek.
Molly slows down before we enter the dining hall. Clearly, she doesn’t want to say whatever she’s about to say while we’re surrounded by dozens of students. “Rose and Eleanor were friends in preschool, but Rose and I went to a different primary school to her. She came to Bramppath with us, but we didn’t really have anything to do with her. Then in third year, her mom cheated on her dad with Millicent Roper’s dad, and everyone found out about it and the whole grade iced Eleanor out. Anyway, Rose told them all to piss off, and I think people were too scared of getting on Rose’s bad side to keep being shitheads to Eleanor, so everything went back to normal. And that’s how we got to know Eleanor.”