Obsession Falls(104)

Anything to keep her safe.

My problem now was the same problem I’d had my entire adult life. I was bad with people. And that included the beautiful, sweet, way-too-good-for-me woman who’d somehow fallen in love with me.

I’d meant it when I’d told her I was going to marry her. My timing had been crap, but I stood by it. But despite our decision to talk about it later, we hadn’t yet.

And I had no idea what I was doing.

It was hard not to think back to the last time I’d had a ring, intending to give it to a woman. That would have been a mistake. Although I’d been hurt at the time, she really had done me a favor by choosing a job over me.

This time, I wanted to do things right. Not for me, but for Audrey.

But that didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t great at this stuff. I was too blunt—too unemotional. I was basically the most unromantic guy on the planet, trying to plan what should be the most romantic moment of Audrey’s life.

I’d bought a ring. And I’d almost just handed it to her in the kitchen that very day. That would have been fine, right? She loved me for me, she didn’t need me to pretend to be someone else with a big over the top proposal.

Except in that moment, when I’d been standing in the kitchen with a ring in my pocket, I’d realized I wanted to do better. My lack of emotional expression was a sorry excuse to deprive her of a romantic moment.

This was a once in a lifetime thing. Even I understood that.

But I needed an assist.

The internet had been no help. All the ideas I found online had been stupid. My brothers were no help either. The only one of them who’d ever proposed was Garrett, and that marriage had fallen apart. The rest of them were as stubbornly single as I’d been for so long. What would they know about proposals?

Which was why I was pulling into Asher Bailey’s driveway on a Friday morning while Audrey was at work.

His wife Grace was outside, sitting in a lawn chair under an umbrella while their two little boys ran through a sprinkler. One hand rested on her pregnant belly and she lifted the other in a friendly wave.

“Hi, Josiah.”

“Hey, Grace. Is Asher home?”

“Good timing, he just got off duty. Feel free to go in.”

“Thanks.”

I went inside and stepped over a few discarded kids’ shoes and a toy truck. Small jackets hung from hooks by the door and the mantle was full of photos, both of Asher’s kids and their growing group of cousins. I had to give it to them, the Baileys were fertile.

For the first time in my life, I felt an ache in my chest at the sight of someone else’s happy family and didn’t push it away. Could I imagine a mantle like that in my own house? Filled with tiny smiling Havens?

Yeah, I really could.

“Hey, Asher?”

He came out of the kitchen dressed in his TFD uniform. “Morning. What are you doing here?”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Sure. Want some coffee?”

“I’m good for now.”

He brought his cup to the dining table and I sat across from him.

“How’s the leg healing up?” he asked.

I flexed my leg under the table, feeling the ache that still lingered as it healed. “It’s fine. Could have been a lot worse.”

“You were smart not to pull the knife out yourself. That could have been bad.”

“Yeah, bleeding out on the forest floor is not my idea of a good time.”

“No shit. How’s Audrey?”

“Resilient as hell. It’s a lot, you know? But she’s handling it.”

“You probably have a lot to do with that.”

I glanced away. “I don’t know.”

“Own it, man. You’re good for her.” He paused for a moment. “That’s our job. Our calling.”

“You ever feel completely ill equipped for it?”

“All the time.”

I nodded in acknowledgment. “Glad it’s not just me. I don’t know, man, sometimes I wonder what she sees in me. I’m like a block of concrete and she’s cotton candy.”

“Yeah, I get it. But that’s the thing. Sometimes it’s up to us to be hard so they can stay soft.”

That resonated deep inside me. I was hard—always had been. I had no idea how my sharp edges didn’t constantly bruise Audrey’s tender heart. But maybe that was the reason. She wouldn’t always need me to protect her from being murdered—hopefully that had been a one-time deal—but she would need me to protect her softness. Her sweet nature that made her who she was.

I could do that. I could stand in the gap for her. Protect her from the world. Obviously I couldn’t protect her from every hurt that might come her way, but I could do my best to keep her safe—not just her body, but her heart.

It was my calling.

“I want to marry her,” I said, cutting to the chase. “She knows that. I told her when we were at the falls. Not the best timing, but I meant it.”

Asher smiled. “Good for you.”

“That’s why I’m here. I want to do it right. Give her the moment she deserves. But I’m an idiot when it comes to this stuff. I have no idea how to propose to her other than just handing her a ring and asking.”

“Do you have the ring already?”