Out On a Limb(86)

“Everything okay?” he asks, lowering to the edge of the bed, his back facing me. I watch as he takes off his glasses and places them on the bedside table next to his phone.

I take a trembling breath in and dive toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pressing my head between his shoulder blades.

“Hey,” he says gently, his neck turned as far as he can over his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I answer, my voice muffled by his sweater. “I just needed to hug you.”

“Okay,” he says, placing his hand on mine over his ribs. “Let me lie down, and then we can both get in on this.”

I nod, pulling away.

Bo twists and lowers himself until he’s flat on his back, then gestures for me to come snuggle into his side with an outstretched arm. Instead, I crawl over top of him, straddling his hips and burrowing my face into his chest.

“Win…” Bo says as his large hands spread across my shoulders, rubbing up and down my back. “Talk to me, honey. What’s going on? Did something happen?”

“When you went to shower, your dad and I talked for a little bit.”

“Did he say something to upset you?”

“No…” I say, turning my head out to the side. I wipe my face with the sleeve of my sweater and sniff back tears. “But he told me about your mom.” My voice pitches up, near breaking. “About how she passed, and… Bo, I’m so sorry.”

“Oh,” he breathes out, his hands stilling on my back. “I was going to tell you, Win. I just—”

“No, no.” I sit up, teary-eyed, and look down at him. When I do, his expression isn’t what I expected. He looks scared, almost. Not sad. Not mournful. But scared. His jaw hardened and his eyes soft and held on me with a concern that has me wanting to smooth out the line between his brows with my thumb. More than that, actually. I wish I could take out his soul and smooth it out too, remove every wrinkle and crease and stain and give it back to him as good as new. “I’m not upset you didn’t tell me. I’m just… I wish I’d known,” I say. “So I could help somehow.”

Bo lifts up, forcing me to shift off his lower abdomen as he moves to sit with his back against the headboard. I go to move to the mattress next to him, but he pulls me back onto his lap with his hands on my hips.

With our faces just a few inches apart, Bo moves his hand to my neck, his thumb tracing my jaw tenderly next to my ear as his eyes delicately track the pattern.

Let me in, I want to say amidst the silence. Love me. Trust me. I won’t let you down. I swear it.

“I was scared that if I told you how my mom died, you’d think I was doing this for all the wrong reasons,” he says, his chest rising and his tear-brimmed eyes held tentatively on my jaw. “I didn’t want you to think that I asked you to move in just so I could monitor you or something. And…” He sighs, letting his forehead fall against my chin as he sniffs back tears.

“It’s okay…” I say, wrapping my hand around his neck, brushing over his hair. “You don’t have to explain. It’s okay…”

“I convinced myself that you wouldn’t be honest with me about how you’re feeling if you knew what had happened. I never wanted to risk your safety because you were more worried about my feelings than your own.” I feel his hands move to my hips, the tension pulling on my sweater as he balls up the material in his fists on either side. “But I did want to tell you, Win. I don’t want any secrets between us. Not anymore.”

I nod, my lips quivering against his hairline. He shakes with a soft sob, his shoulders falling forward. “It’s okay…” I say, over and over. “What happened is not at all your fault. It’s no one’s fault. You were just a baby. You’re not to blame.”

“I think…” He clears his throat, sitting up, his face level with mine. “I think having August is helping me realise that.” His nostrils flare on a deep inhale, and a tear drips down the left side of his cheek that he quickly wipes against his shoulder.

“Good.” I put my hand on his cheek, forcing him to look at me, to hear me. “Because we’d never blame them, would we?”

He shakes his head, his eyes locked on mine.

“You’ve given me so much, Win.”

“No…”

“Ever since I met you, it’s like every part of me has healed a little bit. Do you know that? Do you know that you do that for people?”

I nod. Not because I agree, but because I understand. “I think we both needed a fresh start. I think we gave that to each other.”

Bo’s hands begin shifting against my hips, his thumbs brushing the front of my stomach as he looks down between us. “It’s more than that, Win.” He tilts up to face me, his gaze pleading. “At least, it is for me.”

I swallow tightly, my hands still on the back of his neck.

“I’m not sure how to pace myself here. How to slow down so you can catch up,” he whispers.

“Catch up?” I ask, trembling.

“I think we both know how this is going to end,” he says, his voice gruff. “I’m just trying to figure out how to get us both there at the same time.”

“But… what about Cora?” I stutter out.