Phoebe Berman's Gonna Lose It(35)

“No worries!” I tell Finn, and standing in the middle of Jeffery’s looking right at him, despite being caught completely off guard, I actually think that I might be somewhat okay.

I think back to something Sandy once said, about how the anticipation of an event can be worse than the event itself. “Anticipation is just another word for uncertainty,” she had said. “It’s a stretch of time where you have very little control. And the longer you have to anticipate something, the more time you have to prepare yourself for the worst.”

Maybe that’s why going out with Matthew, after close to a year of making up scenarios in my head, feels like the hardest thing in the world. Whereas everything with Finn is happening so quickly, I hardly have time to work myself into a panic.

Noah reaches out his hand to shake mine.

“I’ve heard so much about you…the infamous Teacher Phoebe.”

“It’s so nice to meet you,” I tell him, hoping someone else heard the infamous Teacher Phoebe comment. “Come meet my friends!” I turn around and take one step forward to where Jonathan sits with an uncomfortable look on his face.

Did you eat too much dairy? I want to ask.

“This is Jonathan.” I gesture toward his side of the booth, and Jonathan offers up a weak wave. He can’t even be bothered to make eye contact. Finn must notice his lack of enthusiasm because he meets Jonathan’s pathetic hello with only a nod.

What is Jonathan’s problem tonight?

Meg and Alex jump out of their seats, practically tripping over each other’s feet, and make a beeline straight for Noah.

“So nice to meet you,” Meg tells him, and then extends the same warm welcome to Finn. I turn toward Alex to make an introduction, but he beats me to it.

“I’m Alex.” He reaches out and takes Finn’s hand, and then Noah’s, eagerly. “Really, really great meeting you guys,” he says, shaking Noah’s hand so furiously that his glasses are bobbing up and down and I worry Noah’s arm is about to be yanked out of its socket.

Nora introduces herself, and then I’m sliding into the booth next to Jonathan, and Finn is sitting next to me on the other side. Noah slides into the corner across from Jonathan, with Alex and Meg hastily sliding in next to him.

“Uh, hello?” Nora says from the booth where she’s sitting alone. “We need three people to qualify as a team.”

Jonathan jumps up so fast, his knees hit the bottom of the table. “Let me come over there.” He cranes his neck down to look at me and Finn. “Excuse me,” he says.

“Really?” I whisper to him while Finn slides out of his seat to let Jonathan pass.

“What’s wrong?” he whispers back. “She needs another person.”

I slide out after Finn, then Jonathan makes his way to the other table without looking back.

“Sorry about that,” I tell Finn once we’re sitting next to each other again. “I think he’s in a bad mood.”

“It’s okay.” We’re sitting so close together that our thighs are touching, and I try not to think about Lucas and the Frosted Flakes, but I can’t help it. But I’m not twelve anymore and this isn’t the auditorium and I haven’t eaten Frosted Flakes since. I swallow the panic threatening to rise in my throat and wrap my hands around the cold safety of my drink.

“Is he your…?” Finn starts to ask, and it takes me a second to realize he’s waiting for me to fill in the blank.

“My roommate. And best friend,” I add. “Usually.”

“Ah,” Finn says, and it occurs to me that Finn may have thought Jonathan was my boyfriend. I wonder if that thought upset him. Shoot, I think to myself while remembering Nora’s advice: Make him think you’re interested in someone else. Maybe I should have left our relationship status up in the air for a little while longer.

“One more person needs to come over here,” Nora insists, and I don’t volunteer because I don’t want to be on Jonathan’s team right now. And I quite like my spot next to Finn. I look across the booth to Meg and Alex, who are in the middle of firing off question after question at Noah. I give Alex a pleading look, only because I think Noah is straight and Meg stands a better chance.

“Fine,” Alex huffs as he gets up.

“Do you want to get a drink before the next round starts?” Finn asks me.

“Yes,” I answer immediately. Finn flashes a smile at me as he scooches out of the booth, accidentally kicking over my bag when he stands. “Sorry,” he says while reaching down to pick up the few stray items that tumbled out. This time, I had the foresight to keep my list far away from Finn, safe in the glove compartment of my car. But looking down at the contents of my bag now splayed on the floor, I realize there’s been an oversight. Finn reaches for the black bottle of Seduction.

“Oh, that’s not mine,” I tell him, waving him off. “It must have been there when I got here.” He picks up the bottle to get a closer look at the inscription. Thanks to our seductive and captivating fragrance, he won’t be able to resist you.

“You can just leave it,” I say. “Someone will probably come back looking for it.” He nods, a small smile creeping over his lips.

We make our way to the bar side by side, and I’m surprised to see Jonathan standing there, talking to Jerry. I didn’t even see him get up.