Phoebe Berman's Gonna Lose It(66)

Once she’s finished shaving, Meg rifles through the contents of her makeup bag, walking toward me when she finds what she’s looking for. “Here.” She hands me a necklace made up of two twisted chains, one gold and one silver. It’s more of a statement piece than anything I’d typically wear, but if there’s any night to make a statement, it’s this one. I fasten the clasp behind my neck.

“You look hot, Phoebe. Finn won’t be able to resist you.”

I try to suppress my smirk, but it’s hard when I can’t help but agree with Meg. I feel hot. Against all odds, my hair seems to be cooperating. I may have finally found a curly-girl routine on YouTube that works for me, because after spending thirty minutes with my head upside down and my hair in a bowl of ice water, my curls fall in perfect ringlets around my face. My confidence is at an all-time high, and I just know, deep in my bones, that something big is going to happen tonight.

I feel the need to divert the attention away from myself. “Speaking of irresistible…” I gesture at Meg’s all-black ensemble: black wide-legged jeans, a black tee, and black heeled boots. Her signature look. “Look at you. Noah’s totally going to ask you out after tonight.”

“We’ve actually already been out. While you were away.” She fiddles with the blanket at the edge of my bed.

My eyebrows shoot upward in surprise. “Like, as in, on a date?”

She nods. “A few dates, actually.”

“A few dates?” I echo. “Why am I just hearing about this?” It’s starting to seem like everyone’s walking on eggshells around me, hiding things.

Do they feel bad for me? Is that what this is?

Well, I don’t want their pity.

And after tonight, there will be nothing to feel sorry for.

Meg cocks her head to the side. “I mentioned it in the group chat.”

She did? I guess I haven’t been paying much attention to our chat recently.

“Plus, I haven’t really gotten the chance to talk to you.” She shrugs. “You’ve been kind of MIA.”

I look down at my feet.

Maybe Jonathan was right. Maybe I really haven’t been that good of a friend lately.

“Long story short,” she continues, “it’s going well. We’re having a lot of fun.” There’s a sparkle in her eye that I haven’t seen in the past few months.

I do my best to match her energy with a smile, even though I feel terribly guilty about the fact that I dropped the ball on this earlier. I need to do better.

“That’s so amazing, Meg!” The strain of my forced smile makes my cheeks hurt. It is amazing, of course, but I can’t ignore the fact that she and Noah are practically dating and I can’t even get a text from Finn. “Tell me everything once we get in the car.”

We wave goodbye to Jonathan on our way out of the apartment. “You’re sure you don’t want to come?” I ask.

“Positive,” he responds from his spot on the couch as he browses the TV for something to watch. “You two have a girls’ night. I’ll be here when you get back.”

I don’t take the refusal personally. Things have been better between us since he picked me up from the Carl’s Jr. parking lot. Our dynamic is slowly inching back to normal. I can’t fault him for wanting to spend the night in while Meg and I pursue our romantic interests. Besides, after the weird impression he made on Finn at Jeffery’s, maybe it’s for the best that he stays home.

“Our car’s here.” Meg holds up the rideshare app on her phone. “Bye, J!” She races out the door.

Jonathan looks me up and down slowly, an unreadable expression on his face. “You look really pretty, Phoebe.”

A warmth spreads across my chest.

I wink at him in response. “Don’t wait up.”



* * *



—

My eyes don’t leave Meg as she brings me up to speed on her and Noah.

“We’re taking it slow, but I really like him.” I make sure to nod and offer small interjections (“Wow!” “Oh my god.” “He’s obsessed with you!”) at all the right times. I’m so focused on perfecting my reactions, trying to be a good listener, that I don’t even register we’ve arrived at the boys’ apartment until Meg lets herself out of the car.

“That was quick,” I marvel.

She smirks. “You guys are practically neighbors.”

This whole time, Finn and I have been sleeping a six-minute drive apart from each other, separated by only a few blocks.

We really should be carpooling to work.

My heels click in rhythm with my heartbeat as Meg and I ascend the stairs to the second level of the duplex. The closer we get to the top, the faster my heart pounds against my red corset. The air is charged with energy, an invisible sensation that confirms my suspicions: something will happen tonight. From the moment I created my list seventeen days ago, I’ve been consumed by a fever that’s been steadily rising in temperature, and tonight, it’s going to break. Tonight, something is finally going to give.

I’m so sure of it.

The door swings open before Meg gets the chance to knock, as if Noah was waiting on the other side just for her. “Hey!”

“Happy birthday!” She leans in and wraps her arms around his neck. He kisses her cheek.