Play Along(81)

Monty nods, tongue in cheek as he rocks Max to sleep, but it’s obvious to anyone who can see him that his eyes are glossed over.

“Which brings me to Miller.” Kai’s got a smile on his face when he turns his attention to her. “Goddamn, I love this crazy woman.” A small laugh settles over the crowd. “You are the second greatest thing to ever happen to me and I know you understand what I mean when I say that because you feel the same way.” Miller quickly nods in agreement, looking up at him. “Who would have thought that a single elevator ride would bring us to where we are today?” He chuckles at the memory. “Thank you for loving me. For loving Max. Thank you for coming home when you were ready. Thank you for making me laugh when I forget to and thank you for supporting my dreams all while chasing your own. You are the absolute light of my life, and I cannot believe I get to spend the rest of my days with you.”

Miller wipes at her cheeks, as does her dad. As does half the crowd as my brother speaks, but I keep it in. Knees bouncing, throat clogged with emotion. I don’t want my team to see me like that. They’ve never seen me like that. I’m the fun one. The goofy one. The one that never lets anything get to him, but I don’t know how the fuck to hold it back when I know exactly what’s coming next.

“With that being said,” Kai continues, “Miller and I have some new dreams we are looking forward to chasing. I’ve thrown out the retirement conversation a few times over the years, but most of that was due to feeling like I needed to clear time so I could take care of my responsibilities. Feeling bogged down and unable to juggle everything at once.”

Kai pauses, looking right at me. We talked earlier this week. I know this announcement is coming, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

“I’m officially announcing my retirement from professional baseball.” A murmur begins over the crowd, but he continues. “But I want you all to know that it has nothing to do with feeling bogged down or trying to find enough time to take care of everyone else. It’s with absolute joy that I get to leave this career I love so much to do something I love even more, and that’s to be there for my family. I’m looking forward to supporting my future wife in her career and getting to work on giving Max some siblings.”

Kai chuckles, though a bit choked, and it breaks the tension in the crowd when they begin to laugh too.

“I feel honored that I’m stepping away from this game to be a present husband and father. It’s truly my favorite job I’ve ever had.”

The crowd claps for him, but I can’t. I’m happy for him. Happy for Max and Miller too. But I have played baseball with my brother for almost thirty years, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep playing without him.

He holds his hand up to settle the group. “There is one last person I still need to address.” His attention finds me, but he instantly breaks eye contact, taking a moment to gather himself as he holds the podium with both hands, stretching back, head down. When he looks up again, it’s clear a few tears have already fallen behind his glasses.

“There’s one single reason I have loved this game for my entire life. It’s not the winning, the strikeouts, the fans, or the glory. I have loved baseball because of my brother. Isaiah was four years old and I was six when we first joined the same t-ball team. He wasn’t technically old enough yet, but I told our mom I wasn’t going to play unless he was out there with me. And it’s been that way for us ever since. He and I together.”

Lip tucked under my teeth, I nod in agreement, the burn sharp in my nose, the sting evident behind my eyes. I want to hold it in front of these people. I want to hide in the restroom so I could cry the way I want to.

But when Kennedy slips her hand between mine and my thigh, lacing our fingers together and squeezing my palm in encouragement, I can’t hold back any longer.

I quickly assess the area around me. There are no team owners watching us, only her looking at me. Being there for me.

I hold her hand tighter as the first tear falls.

I hate you for this, I mouth to my brother on the stage.

He laughs, tears still falling down his cheeks because he’s never been afraid of admitting when things are sad or hard or hurtful.

“As much as I love this game, what I’ll miss most is sharing the field with you. Traveling with you. Spending every single day with you. How lucky am I that I got a best friend and a brother all at once? There are things no one else will understand besides us. Things we experienced, people we lost, and the entire time, our goal was to be here, in this league together. Well, we did it, little brother. You and me, and you were right. It feels good when you end it like this.”

A choked sob shakes my chest, but I hold back the noise. It does nothing, though, to keep the tears from streaking my cheeks. I don’t even want to know what my teammates are going to think after seeing me this way.

But that worry quickly disappears when, out of my periphery, I see Kennedy pat her face with the back of one hand while still holding mine with the other.

My even-tempered girl never cries. She almost did once, on the first day I met her, but never since. And now she’s crying for me.

“You okay?” I whisper to her.

Kennedy shoots me a look that screams she’s not upset for herself. She’s upset for me.

She pulls my hand to her mouth, placing a kiss on the back of it before resting it on her lap, covering it with her other hand as well.