Romantic Comedy(45)
As for the end of your week at TNO, although I appreciate your apology, you were right about everything. （It’s possible I’ve never before written those words to anyone so please enjoy them.） I’ve also thought a lot about that week, and I’ve also felt bad about it. The reality is that you don’t owe me an apology, and I do owe you one. When you called me out, it was justified. What I said to you in that bar was rude. I’m truly sorry.
Is writing （and I imagine receiving） your longest email since the early 2000s a bad or good thing? In honor of the early 2000s, are you also fretting about the Y2K computer glitch and wearing one of those yellow Livestrong jerseys? I am, of course, wearing my yellow jersey right now. The breezy nylon keeps me cool in the humid Missouri summer.
from: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
to: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
date: Jul 23, 2020, 3:50 PM
subject: Actually
What an honor to receive the inaugural Sally Milz “I think you were right about everything” declaration!! Would it be weird if I had the words tattooed on my arm? （Have you gotten any more ink since we compared notes on that front? I haven’t, but remembering your hamster still cracks me up.）
It’s fucking great to be writing and receiving long emails! Don’t get me wrong, it’s very intimidating to write to a TNO writer, but it’s also so fun that even though I’m probably making all kinds of punctuation mistakes, I’m wondering if the thing I’ve been missing all these years is a pen pal. In all seriousness, this is the quietest my life has been in two decades and it’s really nice to connect with another person. I sometimes used to wish I could hit pause for six months or a year and now it’s like the universe called my bluff. No, I am not self-centered enough to think I caused a global pandemic, but still…be careful what you wish for.
To answer your question, I was in the middle of an 18 city tour in Feb, came back to L.A., and have been here since. I think it’s a familiar story at this point, but we did a show in San Antonio that felt pretty normal, the next night was Houston and there was a strange energy in the air, two nights later was New Orleans and by the time I went onstage I knew we were postponing the rest of the tour. Though even that night we did the meet and greet and all the usual stuff…so I probably shouldn’t have been surprised when I got sick a week later.
I am a bit sheepish, to use your word, about this, but I have a housekeeper/chef and a caretaker who live with me in their own section of the house, above the garage, and are married to each other. Then I have a P.A. who does not live with me. They all looked out for me when I was sick in a way I will be forever grateful for. None of them got sick…Margit （the housekeeper） left food outside my bedroom door and we didn’t interact much, but it was reassuring to have people checking that I was alive.
I hope this isn’t too weird of a question, but what’s a “day in the life” for you now? Are you living with anyone besides your stepdad and his dog? Congrats on signing on for another TNO season! I remember you telling me in 2018 that you thought you’d leave in a year or two, but it sounds like you changed your mind. Did you consider staying in Kansas City?
So…I’m scared to broach this subject but since it seems like we are being honest…the thing I know I should apologize for is hanging out with Annabel L. that week after the show. I’m not sure if I owe you or Danny Horst an apology, but it wasn’t cool on my part. There was nothing going on between Annabel and me, but I know it may have looked like there was and…well…I wish I could go back and change that impression. （I’m sweating bullets here because one, this topic! And two, I first wrote “Annabel and I” but the 47 grammar websites I just checked suggested the other way. But I’m still not sure.）
I bet you look awesome in your yellow jersey. I’ve heard those never go out of style.
from: Sally Milz <[email protected]>
to: Noah Brewster <[email protected]>
date: Jul 23, 2020, 7:40 PM
subject: Actually
It’s weirdly gratifying that I’ve infected you with my grammar anxiety. Sorry? Congratulations?
It actually （actually actually actually） could be a funny sketch to have various people explaining why they think they personally caused the pandemic. You’re not the first person I’ve heard express this sentiment. The mom in the family who lives next door to my stepdad told me her 11-year-old daughter was worried she had caused it by telling the mom she traveled too much for work, and Henrietta’s father-in-law told her he felt like he caused it because he was dreading a retirement party being held for him at the end of March. I mean, clearly, the combination of the 11-year-old, Henrietta’s father-in-law, and you DID cause it, and you owe the entire world an apology. It had nothing to do with a bat at a market in Wuhan.
One of the weird things about working for TNO is that it’s such a feast or famine schedule—either a ninety-hour week or I don’t even go to the office for weeks or for the entire summer. Before things shut down, I would have said that I’m excellent at keeping myself busy outside the show, but maybe the pandemic has called all of our bluffs.
I would NEVER stay permanently in Kansas City. I realize that might sound snobby and that smart, interesting people live everywhere and all that shit but still—never. Even when there’s not a pandemic, restaurants are cleared out by 7:45 at night, the sidewalks all are empty, and sure, there ARE smart, interesting people here but not in the proportions there are in NY. That said, knowing that I’m staying with Jerry and Sugar temporarily makes it pleasant, if slow-paced. Jerry is very nice, very proper, and considers things like email and oat milk to be cutting edge. Sugar is not at all proper, especially when requesting belly rubs. This is by far the most time Jerry and I have spent alone together, and 75% of what we discuss is Sugar. I was 10 when my mom married Jerry （my biological dad, who was a pretty troubled guy, died when I was 8—a story for another time）。 When Jerry moved in with us, I’d been sleeping in my mom’s bed since my dad’s death, and the way she got me to return to my bedroom was by giving me my own TV. Which was how I began sneak-watching TNO as a fifth grader. So maybe I owe my career to Jerry?