Rouge(67)

Mother’s Beauty is a trick, Tom whispered last night. Not like yours, Belle. Right now, he says, I’m just a little bud in the grass. Not even a bud yet, a seedling. Deep in the dark earth, among the worms and spiders. That’s where Mother’s keeping me. But Tom says he sees me down there in the dirt. Sees the green shoots that will soon rise up. The red petals that will unfurl. A rose I will be someday, little seedling. Just like the ones in Stacey’s mother’s garden. Just wait. Wait and see. And what will Mother be? Rotted. Fallen petals. Dead earth.



* * *




Now Mother’s still out but she’ll be home soon. Grand-Maman is asleep in her chair in the living room. Tom’s really late. Maybe he’s busy filming a new movie or something. But didn’t he say just yesterday to meet him here tonight?

But Mother might come back early, I warned him.

Fuck Mother, Tom said. Did Tom Cruise really say that? He put his cold, sticking hands on my shoulders, and he said, Belle, your mother is a real problem.

I nodded like I knew. Yes. But I really didn’t know. It’s just that this is her room, I said. And she told me not to go in. So she gets mad when I’m here. In her shoes. And I wanted to tell him if he came into my mirror in my bedroom, we wouldn’t have to deal with these issues. We wouldn’t—

I don’t mean that, Belle.

What do you mean, then? What’s the problem with Mother?

And Tom looked at me and smiled in the dark. His fang shone, sharp and white. Surely I knew what the problem was. But I didn’t really.

She’s taking your Beauty away, he said.

She is?

Oh yes, definitely. And I, for one, won’t stand for it. I told you. I hate stealing.

I nodded. I hated stealing too. I thought of Mother’s many robes from Egypt. How sometimes she’d line her eyes like Elizabeth Taylor in Cleopatra. Wear a blue beetle on her wrist, a scarab. She didn’t steal any of it. Father bought it all for her. From Egypt, Mother would say of the jewels and robes. So why was it that when I watched the beetle wink against her light skin, I sometimes thought liar, I sometimes thought thief? Because she was Noelle Nour with creditors only. I’m Mirabelle Nour, no matter what I wear, no matter where I go. Can’t take it off like Mother’s wrist beetle. Can’t even take it off like Father’s eye. But was Mother really stealing? Wasn’t she born like that and wasn’t I born like this? And wasn’t I the actual thief, coming into her room where she told me again and again not to go? Little thief. Little bitch, isn’t that what Mother calls me under her breath each time she catches me? She says it after I’ve left, but I hear her through the wall.

Tom—

Seth.

I don’t know for sure if she’s stealing. Maybe she’s just beautiful. I pictured Mother when she took me apple picking last fall. Her face beaming up at me through the branches of a tree fuzzy with caterpillars. I handed Mother the very first apple I picked. The red of the apple was almost the same red as Mother’s Chanel lipstick, so it matched. I told her so and she laughed and said, Oh god, I’ve created a monster, haven’t I?

It’s a lie, he said, stroking my hair. I see through her. I see the truth. And I hate lies. He closed his eyes. So much. It’s true that Tom Cruise hates lies. He has a lot of honor. I saw that firsthand in Legend. In Top Gun, too.

Please take me away with you, Tom Cruise, I begged.

He opened his eyes, which were red now. A flash of anger. I thought surely he would correct me again: Seth, remember? But he just smiled to himself, amused. He sighed. Shook his head of waving dark hair.

I’d love to take you away, Belle. Definitely, I would. You know I’d do anything to keep you close. It’s just your mother would be very, very angry at me… He put a hand to his chest just like Tom Cruise would. So suddenly sincere.

I don’t care, I whispered. I’ll do anything.

Tom’s smile flashed white. Anything? He took my face in his hands. His hands were so cold, it was like being plunged in icy water. I gasped. Well. There is one thing.

I looked into Tom’s eyes, now blue-green again. Full of the laughter and light I loved. So much like Tom Cruise’s actual eyes, I could barely breathe.

Tell me. I was shivering in Tom’s hands, but he didn’t seem to mind.

It involves Mother, of course.

Of course. I shouldn’t be surprised about that. I was afraid, but I tried not to show that to Tom Cruise. What about Mother? I said.

The lies need to be stopped, Belle. She has to pay for stealing your Beauty. And you have to take it back to be able to come with me to California. You’ll need it there. Will you do that, Belle?

Do what exactly? I thought. I don’t know. But Tom Cruise was so close to me then, I couldn’t speak words anymore. His smile a flashing white that made jelly of me. I was lost in the laughing waters of his eyes. He leaned in closer still. Like he was going to kiss me, this was it. Don’t be nervous, I thought. Stacey wouldn’t be nervous. She wouldn’t get stiff. She was leagues ahead of me with her Black Honey lips and her hair a blond swishing curtain like Rebecca De Mornay’s. Gabriel Gardner had just Frenched her the other day, apparently. Tom’s smile flashed and flashed at me, blinding like an eclipse. His hands on either side of my face, making me shiver. Tom’s eyes on my face like he could truly see me. Could see my great Beauty deep down in the dirt. Could he really see it? I felt his breath on my skin like a cold, cold wind. I closed my eyes, not believing this could be. Tilted my head up just like those terrible girls do in Tom’s movies, those girls I wanted to push off the screen, out of the world. Except I wasn’t one of them, was I? Nothing could change that. Not my slash of lesser red or Mother’s sex shoes or the Dior I was drowning in or my stolen cloud of violets and smoke. How could Tom Cruise ever want me? I started to tremble, knowing he was so close now. Then at the last second, I suddenly lowered my head, afraid. Tom ended up kissing my forehead. And where he kissed me, it burned. I felt the fire through my whole body. I felt shame, why had I been afraid suddenly? I lifted my head back up and waited for him to kiss my lips. I parted them even. I was ready this time, though I was scared. Tom Cruise was my boyfriend, after all. This was what a boyfriend did. Tom, you can kiss me now, I thought with my eyes closed.