Sauter (Ironside Academy, #3)(107)

She nodded quietly, dropping her attention to her lap as she played with the hem of her shirt.

“Talk to me,” he suggested. “What are you thinking?”

“Just that I need to start taking this seriously.” She raised her chin, swallowing as she met his eyes. “You guys will all be fine if something happens to me or if we’re all separated, but I won’t. And the only way I get those surrogate pills is if I stay out of the settlements. The only way to secure my future is to win this game.”

He nodded, regarding her seriously. “Welcome to the club.”

“I’m not asking you to help me or anything.” She went back to fiddling with her shirt, her cheeks heating. “I’m just asking you not to sabotage me.”

“What if there was a way for all of us to win?” he asked quietly, his deep rumble tunnelling shock through her.

“What?” her head jerked up. “No. They only choose one winner.”

Kalen sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head. “It’s a conversation for later. With everyone. We need to do this as a group. From now on, we need to do everything as a group, understood?”

“I think so.”

“You understand, princess. So let me rephrase. Do you agree?” He leaned forward, notching his forearms on his knees, drawing his face close to hers, his fierce amber eyes digging into hers with a glint of something she couldn’t quite read.

“Can I think about it?” she dodged.

For some reason, that amused him. “You really think you can do this alone, Carter?”

“No.” She chewed on the inside of her cheek. “Yes. Maybe.”

“Do you want to?” He caught her hand in his, ducking his head to catch her eye. It wasn’t like when Teak or Charlie grabbed her hand. His was so warm, his palm so rough, and he was so much bigger than her—her own hand practically disappeared. “Because we want to do this together. I know the Alphas fight amongst themselves, but we’ve known each other far longer than the years we’ve been here. They’re supported by myself and Mikel, and by each other. We trust in the group and we protect the group. We don’t keep secrets—though some of us try, for a little while. I’m not saying it’s simple or perfect, but you need the group and none of us want to see you suffer on your own.”

“Why not? I haven’t known any of you longer than a couple of years. I’m not like your family. I’m just a really annoying thing that happened to all of you.”

“Technically—” Kalen smirked. “—every one of them were an event that ‘happened’ to me at some point in time. I collected each of them and added them to the group to protect them because all of them need to win this game. Now I’m doing the same with you. You’re exactly like them, not some annoying outlier.”

“What do you mean? Why did you have to protect them?”

“Let’s talk about it tonight. Are you in, Isobel?” He squeezed her hand, that comforting brush of his power settling over her shoulders like a hug.

“Okay how are you doing that?” she finally blurted, widening her eyes at him. “How are you pushing out good emotions on me? I usually only feel negative stuff.”

“Just something I thought I’d try.” His lips twitched into a half smile. “I’m glad it’s working.”

“But how?”

“Elijah found some interesting information about people influencing emotions through a bond. We’re not fully bonded, but I guess it still works to some extent. I just think about what I want you to feel and push it at you. Why don’t you try it?”

“Me?” She reared back, blinking at him. He looked serious. “You want me to push my emotions on you?”

You want me to treat you like a Sigma?

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t.” He caught her other hand, tugging both until he could hold them against his knees as he shifted forward. “Close your eyes, if you need to focus.”

It was an immediate relief to close her eyes, to pretend that Kalen wasn’t holding her hands and asking her to trust him and use him like a Sigma sponge.

She pulled in a deep breath. “Okay, now what?”

“Pick a feeling.”

That would require her to actually sort through her feelings. She twitched, a second from pulling her hands away, but he seemed to anticipate her reaction, tightening his grip on her before she could actually move.

She huffed out an annoyed sound, turning inwardly to sort through what she was feeling. Scared—terrified, really. Betrayed. Angry. Sad. Surprised.

But there was a tiny, miniscule little spark of hope in there too. Clinging on to the promise Kalen dangled over her.

She might not have to be on the outside, anymore. She could make a choice and it really seemed like they were giving her this choice instead of demanding she become one of them.

She clung to the sliver of hope, pushing everything else away, but paused as the sad feeling persisted, floating back into the forefront of her mind.

Her grandfather had died at some point, and nobody had told her.

She still didn’t know how or when it had happened.

With another sigh, she shoved that aside and gripped onto the faintest thread of hope. “Now what?”

“Push it. Literally, just give it a mental shove toward me.”