Saving Rain(45)

“That’s weird,” I said quietly, hardly seeing the road in front of me when I could only see that face. Those big green eyes, full of fear and suspicion.

“What is?”

“I met a girl named Rain once.”

Ray hugged her book even tighter. “And I once met a guy named Soldier.”

There’s no way. There’s no possible way …

But … what if …

I swallowed at a lump in my throat, but to no avail. It wouldn’t budge, just as my heart wouldn’t slow and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. “When … when did you meet him?”

We took our time turning the corner into our shared community as my pounding heart drowned out the sound of nearby cars. We were hanging on to something life-altering, and I wished she would just say what I had a feeling she’d say, not knowing at all how I was going to react when she said it. I couldn’t even begin to plan for something like that.

“I … I knew it was you,” she finally replied quietly. “When Connie told us that a man named Soldier was moving into town, I looked you up. I thought it might be a crazy coincidence, but then I saw you at the grocery store and … the scar on your face, and … I just knew.”

She was too short to see as we walked toward our homes, but I was grinning so wide that my face fucking hurt.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, afraid the stuff I was carrying would fall—my arms were shaking so much.

“Because I was …” She sighed and shook her head. “I was scared.”

That wiped the dumb grin right off my face. “Wait. You were scared of me?”

She stopped walking and turned to face me, shaking her head adamantly. “No, no, no! Soldier, I was never afraid of you. But I was afraid that if you knew I knew you from your life back there, you wouldn’t want to know me. And Noah loves you, and I …”

I raised an inquisitive brow at the abrupt halt to her words. “You what?”

She released a sigh as her eyes lifted to meet mine. “I really, really like having you around.”

“I like being around too,” I replied softly, staring down at her and holding on to my books and grocery bag for dear, sweet life.

I felt like a kid, carrying my stuff home from school, staring down at the prettiest girl in my class. It was a moment, a pivotal one, and I knew it despite never having a real moment before in my life. And that wasn’t for a lack of experience with the opposite sex. I was far from inexperienced, far from a virgin. But my experience with girls had come with the territory of the things I used to do. They’d been with me for the status of being with me. They’d been with me for the connections, the things I could give them. Honestly, looking back, I wasn’t sure any of those girls had ever truly liked me, and it had never occurred to me how fucking sad that was—until I was in this moment. Staring at Ray—Rain—while clutching my grocery bag and books and wondering if her hair was as soft and smooth as it looked.

“I just didn’t want you to cut us off or … I don’t know … regret being here or something.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, looking toward the sky and thinking about the things she didn’t know. Embarrassing things. Things I never would’ve told her or anyone had this odd turn of events not happened.

“What’s so funny?” Ray asked, a little defensive.

“Okay. I’m going to tell you something that’s probably gonna sound weird, but hear me out.”

She furrowed her brow and nodded. “Okay …”

“So …” I cleared my throat as the bag of groceries began to slip from my arm. I hoisted it back up as I thought about some of the letters I’d never sent but kept as a scrapbook of some kind. “You know what? Hold on. Stay right here.”

I hurried past her toward my house as she nervously said, “Um, all right …”

I fumbled to hold on to the books and bag as I dug into my pocket for the keys. I had to be quick. I didn’t want too much time to pass with her wondering what crazy shit was going on after she’d just dropped a bomb on me.

Holy shit. I can’t believe this is actually happening right now, I thought as I dumped everything on the table and ran to my bedroom, where I knelt on the floor and dug a box out from beneath the bed.

In it was a stack of letters I had written to a girl who existed for the most part in my head, where I had imagined what incredible things she might’ve gone on to do after I rescued her from a violation I never would’ve forgiven myself for had I allowed it to happen under my watch. I pulled out those letters, holding them in my hands for the first time in months, unable to believe that the person I had written them to was standing right outside. I hesitated only a moment before climbing to my feet and running back through the front door, where I found her still waiting by her steps.

“Okay,” I said, holding the letters tightly in my trembling hands. “So, when I was locked up, I had nobody. I-I mean, I had some friends inside, but from my life before, I had nobody. Not a single person gave a shit about me. Fuck, even my own mother only visited me twice in the entire time I was there.”

Ray’s face fell with a sweeping rush of sadness. “She only saw you twice … in nine years?”

“Yes,” I replied simply, afraid that if I said anything more, the hurt and anger and everything else would overshadow what I needed to say.