Saving Rain(63)

Had I really fucked this up so bad, simply by being with his mom? I wouldn’t take back a second of last night, not for anything. But was it so impossible to have both his friendship and Ray’s affection? Was I too greedy to expect that I could?

He eyed me warily, studying my every move. Defensive and aware. His eyes flicked toward his mother, already beginning to casually eat, like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. He swallowed, and I realized he was shaking. His hands trembled in fists at his sides, and another revelation hit me. One I knew well.

He’s scared. He’s afraid he can’t protect her.

Noah had never known his mother to be with a man who didn’t hurt her. He had witnessed it probably more times than I could even imagine. God, I couldn’t even pretend to know what that kid must’ve seen—but I had seen my own share of shit regarding my own mother. I had felt helpless more times than I could count, I had felt desperate and hopeless, constantly trying to find ways to make it better, and the last thing in the world I wanted to do was make him feel the same way.

“Are you guys gonna eat?” Ray asked, digging into her scrambled eggs before volleying her eyes between Noah and me. Then, she scowled. “What’s going on? Noah, what’s wrong?”

Noah shook his head. “Nothing.” Then, he hurried toward the couch and dropped onto it like a sack of potatoes. Crossing his arms and scowling toward the blank TV screen.

Ray stared at her son, stunned and taken aback. “What the heck? Noah, what’s—”

“I got this,” I interrupted gently, holding up a finger to ask for a second alone as I followed Noah into the adjacent living room.

He didn’t even look at me as I approached and crouched in front of him.

“I’m not gonna hurt her,” I said quietly, hoping Ray or her mother couldn’t hear in that little house without adequate soundproofing. This was between us. “And I’m not gonna hurt you either.”

He lifted his worried gaze to mine. “You swear?”

I laid a hand over my heart. “Buddy, you and your mom are the best things to happen to my life in a very, very long time—hell, maybe ever. And I swear I would rather die than hurt either of you.”

He tightened his arms to his chest and loosened the scowl on his face, making way for the panic and worry. “Good, ‘cause I-I don’t think I could actually beat you up, but I’d try.”

It was my turn to scowl. “You try to fight for your mom?”

His head jittered in a nod. “Sometimes,” he muttered.

Judging from the shame touching his downturned eyes and lips, I’d say he wasn’t very good at it.

“How ‘bout I teach you how to kick my ass?” I asked, fighting the urge to clench my own fists. “Just in case.”

Noah’s face was quick to shift from helpless to hopeful in a matter of seconds as his gaze jolted back to mine. “You’d do that?”

“I told you I’d do anything to keep you guys safe, didn’t I? And if that means teaching you to knock me on my ass, then you got it,” I replied, standing up and offering him my hand. “But let’s eat first.”





CHAPTER EIGHTEEN


UPWARD SPIRAL



If someone were to analyze my life from the very start, they’d probably say I had been destined for failure. That no matter how hard my grandparents had tried, things were inevitably going to go south for me, given the circumstances with my mother and the shit she got herself into.

A self-fulfilling prophecy, they’d say when I started tumbling down that dark and twisted path of selling drugs.

And I thought, if I hadn’t ended up in prison, they probably would’ve been right. Because no matter how good my intentions and heart might have been, that road I was on never would’ve taken me anywhere good. Hell, if I hadn’t been locked up, there was a good chance I would’ve been dead by now, killed in a deal gone wrong or some shit like that. I never would’ve been given the chance for redemption. I never would’ve met Harry, I never would’ve gotten a job at The Fisch Market, and I never would’ve met Ray again or her son.

Needless to say, my downward spiral had officially been turned around the moment entered that barb wired fence. And right now, thanks to my second chance in River Canyon, life was definitely on an upswing.

A couple of nights a week, after I came home from the grocery store and did some work on the house, Noah would come over to hang out for a while, and I would teach him how to defend himself. I had no professional training, and I definitely had the advantage of size on my side. But while I couldn’t guarantee he wouldn’t get his ass kicked in a fight, I was confident he’d at least get in a couple of decent shots—or make a solid attempt at trying.

Most weeknights, I ate dinner with Ray and Noah. Sometimes, Ray cooked, and sometimes, I did. A couple of times, Noah even took a stab at throwing a meal together. Afterward, we would watch a movie or play a board game together before Noah showered and went to bed while Ray and I made out on the couch.

On the weekends, Noah went to his grandparents’ house, and Ray and I went on our dates. Eating dinner, going for walks, having sex that very quickly began to feel like making love, and sleeping in each other’s arms until the sun came up.

Routine had settled in—a good one—and it struck me one day, as I walked into the grocery store to discover that Howard had finally moved the Produce sign, that life was truly, without a doubt, good.