Saving Rain(75)

My nerves couldn’t handle the anticipation and anxiety.

“… friggin’ listening to me?”

I realized I had, at some point, gotten so tangled up in my thoughts that I stopped pushing the broom, and Noah was now standing beside me. I glanced at him to read his annoyed expression and quickly offered an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I am. Sorry.”

Noah wasn’t an idiot though. “No, you’re not,” he grumbled, rolling his eyes.

I pushed my hair out of my face and huffed a sigh. “Noah, seriously, I’m sorry. I’m just distracted, so—”

“Why? Are you pissed at Mom?”

“What?” I narrowed my eyes, taken aback. “No, why would you think I’m pissed off at her?”

“Because my dad gets really distracted and annoyed when he’s pissed off.”

Every now and then, the reminder that Seth could father this cool, amazing kid barreled against my chest like a raging elephant. I was able to forget most of the time, but on those rare occasions, I had to bite my tongue from declaring to the world that Noah deserved better than that piece of shit. He deserved the best.

He deserves me.

“Well, I’m not,” I said, keeping a stillness in my voice. “I’m just thinking about an old friend’s mom. I saw her a few days ago when we were at your grandparents’ house.”

Noah’s features contorted with his immediate understanding. “Ohh, that lady we saw you with?”

“Right.”

He nodded, accepting the offered information. “Did you see your friend too?”

“Sort of … well, not really.” I resumed my cleaning, an image of Billy’s black marble headstone flashing through my mind. “He died a long time ago.”

“Oh …” Noah dropped his darkened gaze to the floor I’d just swept. “So, um … why were you thinking about your friend’s mom?”

“Because I’m going to see her tomorrow.” I swallowed, keeping my eyes ahead at the Produce sign I used to repeatedly smack my head against.

“Why?”

“Because …” I sucked in a massive breath of air, puffing my chest out until I couldn’t take any more in. “She just wants to tell me some stuff … about, uh, my friend. And … I guess I’m just nervous about it … because I don’t know what she’s going to say.”

Noah nodded, brow furrowed and eyes squinted. I knew he didn’t quite understand what I was saying and didn’t know what to say in reply.

So, I cleared my throat and said, “Anyway, what were you saying before? Something about Mario?”

He perked up immediately, welcoming the change in subject, and I forced my attention to remain on him while I finished closing up the shop. Then, with the doors locked and the keys in my pocket, we headed home.

As we walked, we passed by other neighbors and people I’d started to consider friends, all who waved and greeted us with friendly grins. None of them looked at me as a villain anymore—not even grouchy old Mrs. Montgomery, whose mouth even twitched into something resembling a smile every now and then. And it irked me all of a sudden that I was allowing Billy’s mom—someone from my dark, dirty past—to infiltrate this happy, sunshiny bubble I had created for myself. She didn’t fit into this place, whatever she was going to tell me wouldn’t fit either, and, God, what the fuck had I been thinking, even mentioning David in her presence?

“Do you like video games?” Noah asked as we turned toward our neighborhood.

“I do. I haven’t played them in a long time, but I used to play a lot when I was a kid.”

“Why don’t you play anymore?”

I shrugged. “I just don’t really have anything to play on. I don’t even have a TV or—”

“Why not?”

“Why what?”

Noah walked along the edge of the curb as we turned the corner, then kicked his feet through a puddle leftover from last night’s rain. I smiled at the childlike innocence he still managed to hold on to, even at twelve years old and after withstanding the abuse his father had put him and his mother through.

It was a good thing that he could still be like this even if only sometimes. Carefree. Happy. It was likely a survival mechanism—I knew that—but it was good. I just hoped he could hold on to it longer than I had.

“Why don’t you have a TV?” He hopped back onto the curb and continued to stroll beside me.

“I don’t know. I guess I’m too busy reading to think about it. And when I’m not reading, I’m hanging out with you guys, and you already have a TV.”

It was a valid point even if my attention was more on Ray than it was on whatever was playing.

“Yeah, but if you had a TV, then I could come over and play video games with you.”

With narrowed eyes, I glared at him as we turned onto Daffodil Lane. “Why can’t I just play video games at your house?”

Noah rolled his eyes and grumbled, “Well, you never have before.”

I barked with a laugh that rang through the night. “Dude, you’ve never asked!”

“Yeah, well …” He chuffed and shrugged begrudgingly. “You’re always too busy with my mom.”