Say You'll Remember Me(64)

He was so smart. And so thoughtful. He was a good listener and he was attentive and he made me laugh.

Also, he liked to send me things. It was really sweet. He sent me a heart dog tag for my key chain with Pooter’s name on it. Two days later I got flowers for no reason. He sent me a box of little vanilla-flavored creamers to keep in my apartment. They were shelf stable, which was sweet because I didn’t have a fridge. He shipped me cookies and a cat paw wind chime and he made me playlists, which was the cutest thing of all.

It was like he was always thinking about me. A crow, bringing me shiny things.

But really, all I wanted him to bring me was him.





28





XAVIER


I WAS IN the back room in between patients. I had a favorite at the clinic today. Jafar, an African gray parrot. I knew his family and had grown up with this bird.

He was strutting back and forth across the table, talking to himself. I made a video for Samantha and sent it.

She called me a minute later, laughing. “Is that bird yelling that you touched his ‘no-no spot’?”

“Yes. He’s got an interesting vocabulary.”

Jafar flapped his wings and yelled, “PERVERT!” at the top of his lungs.

“Who taught him that?” she asked, cracking up.

I grinned. “The grandpa. He’s always doing stuff like that.”

I picked him up and put him back in his cage with a peanut while he shrieked “MOTHERFUCKER” at the top of his lungs.

“What are you doing today?” I asked, leaning back on the exam table.

“I’m developing a marketing campaign around the health benefits of mustard.”

“Ahhhh. Smart.”

“Yeah, listen to this.” She cleared her throat. “Mustard contains antioxidants that provide various health benefits including anti-cancer, antibacterial, antiviral, antifungal, anti-inflammatory, and wound-healing properties. What did your ex do for you? Nothing.”

I chuckled.

“Do you like it?” she asked.

“I love it.”

“I have to go,” she said. “I have to make Mom lunch.”

“Okay. I can’t wait to see you.”

“I can’t wait either. When you get here, I want to do this couples challenge thing I saw on TikTok. Will you do it with me?”

“What thing?”

“It’s hard to explain. It’s kind of like the lift from Dirty Dancing, but it starts on the floor?”

“Would it make you happy?” I asked.

“Yesssss.”

“Then I will do it.”

“Yay!” I could feel her smile through the phone. “Talk to you later.”

We hung up.

I looked around the back room and let a breath out through my nose. This time tomorrow I’d be with her. This day couldn’t move slower if it tried.

Our relationship changed the laws of physics. Time seemed to stop the closer I got to seeing her. Maybe because I was working so much I was sleeping less? There were more waking hours in my days lately so they felt longer?

And then when I did see her, time flew by.

The three nights she’d been here had gone by in a blink. And then there’d been nothing. Monotony. Until I’d met her, I had no complaints about tedium. Now her existence in my world changed how I felt about everything else.

It was harder to go home when she wasn’t there, now that I knew what her being there was like. It was hard to wake up without her next to me, eat a meal where she wasn’t seated across from me.

When they say that someone can be a light in your life, this is what they mean.

And my light was two thousand miles away. I could still feel her from here, but it wasn’t enough. So I worked harder, picked up more shifts. And I was already getting tired.

I knew this pace wasn’t sustainable. I also knew I had to keep it up because not seeing her was not an option. She’d been very clear that she didn’t do long-distance. And I know she’d agreed to it, and she was just as willing to pay to come see me as I was to see her, but money was tight for her too and I’d promised I would make it work. So I would.

I got up to go see my next patient. When I opened the door, Maggie was outside, poised to knock.

“Oh, hey. You have a phone call. She says she’s your mom?”

I stared at her. “My mom?”

She shrugged. “That’s what she said.”

I kept my face straight.

“I thought you didn’t talk to her,” Maggie said.

“Why would you think that?” I asked.

“Because you don’t ever talk about her? Your parents didn’t come to the grand opening?”

“I’ll take the call in the office,” I said.

I closed the door and dragged a hand through my hair, staring at the blinking hold light. My anxiety flared back with a vengeance.

Why was this making me feel like a kid who was about to get in trouble?

Samantha had been right that my parents don’t matter. There was nothing they could do to hurt me now. But my body remembered. It braced like I was still back there, living in that house.

What did she want? Help? Atonement? Closure? Money?

I had no interest in giving her anything. Frankly, she didn’t deserve the time or attention she was asking for either.