Say You'll Remember Me(72)

I let the video play.

It was a total hero montage. Xavier breaking the window and lifting the pug from the car. His arms look great. He’s all serious and devastatingly handsome, his jawline like a paid actor.

Then he’s got the water and he’s doing his cool-down thing—the cameraman was really good, getting all the angles. The dog’s coming out of it, I’m in the background on the phone with 911, the cops are pulling up.

It pans to when the asshole guy comes out to yell at us about his window, then back to Xavier, still on his knees. The dog is sitting up now. Xavier is glistening like he’s been misted with olive oil, an homage to the volleyball scene from Top Gun. He lifts the bottom of his shirt to wipe sweat off his face. You can see his whole stomach in HD. His six-pack abs crunch like an accordion, it’s glorious. Then that part of the clip repeats in slow motion.

Oh my God, the person who took this video was good. They understood the assignment. The whole thing was a cinematic masterpiece, start to finish.

I went straight to the comments.

Why am I jealous of an unconscious pug??



BRB Locking myself in a hot car



How many times did I watch the end? Yes.



I put a hand over my mouth to cover my laugh. Oh, he was gonna haaaate this.

I looked up. He was watching the video. His face had gone flat.

Becca’s group chat was pinging with texts. I assumed it was the guys.

WTF Bro I see u been doing the crunches I showed u, thank god for me



Holy shit I’m laughing so hard what r u doing in CA ?



Is that Samantha’s number? Is the dog ok?



I looked back at my silent date.

“You all right over there?” I asked.

He stared at the phone another moment, then slowly looked up at me. “‘I need him in a way that’s a threat to feminism’? What does that even mean?”

I snorted.

Dad looked back and forth between us. “What does that mean?”

Jeneva was laughing, watching the clip on her own phone. Actually from the commentary I could hear she wasn’t watching the original video, she was watching a duet of the original, which meant it was officially everywhere.

“Let me see that,” Grandma said, motioning for my cell. I gave her my phone. She took her reading glasses off her head and put them on and squinted at the screen. “‘Lowering the volume so my bf doesn’t ask why the same video is playing on repeat.’”

I bit the inside of my cheek.

She went for another one. “‘I’d army crawl naked through a thousand miles of broken glass just to lick the seat of that man’s workout bench.’” She read on. “‘A teardrop just ran down my thigh—’”

That’s it. I lost it. Uncontrollable laughter.

“Grandma, give me that!” I took my phone back, dying.

Jeneva and Dad were cracking up. Mom was laughing too now, but only because we were.

Xavier was looking at his phone. “They are never going to let me live this down…” he said, totally talking about Jesse, Mike, and Chris.

They weren’t. They seriously weren’t. They were playing this at his funeral. He had no choice but to outlive them all.

I couldn’t stop laughing.

“I’m sorry,” I wheezed. “Hearing my grandma read thirst comments about my boyfriend was not on my bingo card today.”

That got him. He gave me a good-natured if slightly embarrassed chuckle. I mean, it was hilarious, there was no denying it.

My dad slapped his shoulder and gave it a paternal squeeze. “You’re a good sport.”

It took me a solid five minutes to get my shit together.

We finished eating and sang happy birthday to Mom. Dessert was a cake that looked like the coffee maker. It had been sitting on the kitchen counter the whole time. It was a huge hit, if very confusing for the birthday girl who was already confused as a rule.

We all cleaned up dinner and an hour later, Xavier and I were back in my room. Our little rescue pug was fast asleep and snoring gently.

“Who knew you were going to get so much done on this trip,” I said, flopping onto my bed. “Saved a dog from certain death, your abs got famous, you got a boost for your business.”

“They don’t know where I work,” he said, coming out of the bathroom from checking on the dog.

I propped myself on my elbows. “The strangers of the internet? They do. Believe me, they do. Nobody works faster than horny women. They probably found you hours ago.”

He laughed like he didn’t believe me.

I twisted to grab my phone from the nightstand. I googled his clinic and turned the phone to him and showed him his new Google rating. 5 stars where a 4.7 used to be. About a hundred new reviews, all of them hilarious. I didn’t even need to check to know I was going to find this. I also knew the asshole guy with the pug was probably getting canceled as we speak.

“You’re a sexy hero,” I said. “From a PR standpoint, this whole thing is absolute gold. I pray for this kind of organic mustard engagement every day of my life. You have been blessed by the TikTok gods.”

He blinked at me.

“A VILF is a thing now,” I said, putting my phone away. “That’s because of you. You should be proud of that.”