Say You'll Remember Me(98)

“I don’t care,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t care about any of it. I’m tired of waiting forever.”

I smacked a hand over my mouth. “Xavier, it’s too much,” I breathed. “You had to give up too much. This had to be the hardest thing you’ve ever done—”

“No. Being without you is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m sorry I put you through it. I should have ended up here sooner, but I had to come to it on my own.”

Tears started to sting my eyes. “What made you?”

“Hank,” he said. “He made me think about it. About what was keeping me there. At the end of the day it wasn’t the business. It was them. I didn’t want my parents to see me fail, and really that’s exactly what I was doing anyway. I was failing myself trying to prove that I measure up to people I don’t give a shit about. And for what? Pride? The last word? I don’t care what they think or what they say or the narrative they run with when there’s a for lease sign on the door. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to forget them. It’s what they deserve.”

“But your friends—”

“They helped me pack. They’re happy for me. Couldn’t get me out of there fast enough.”

I laughed, wiping under my eyes.

“I did what I could to mitigate the damage,” he said. “I waited until my lease was up on my apartment. I sold all my furniture. Hank is going to keep working three days a week until Maggie and Tina can find new jobs and my patients can find new vets. And then I’ll liquidate what I can and…” He stopped to give me the contemplative gaze I’d missed so much. “I want to stop living one flight to California at a time. I want to wake up every day and be alone in a room with you. I want to witness your life and have you witness mine. I want a parallel line and the fantasy world we talked about to be real. I want us to make memories.”

I studied him and he tucked my hair behind my ear.

“I have nothing, Samantha. I don’t even have a job. I’m about to be several hundred thousand dollars in debt, I’m broke. All I have is my veterinary license, and I’m not even licensed in California yet—”

“Xavier…”

He looked at me like maybe I was going to send him home.

“This is a very weird way to ask me to marry you.”

I watched the smile spread across his face.

“Will you?” he asked, his voice a little thick.

I nodded. “A thousand times yes.”

He let out a relieved laugh and I jumped into his arms.

He was here. He was always going to be here. I would get to wake up with him and fall asleep in the same bed and get wings on a random Wednesday and collect animals together. Whatever we wanted. We could make it up as we go.

Mom was standing in the door of the gazebo watching us. She was beaming from ear to ear. She knew. Something ingrained that told her she was seeing true love. Her heart remembering even though her brain had forgotten. She didn’t know who I was or who he was. But she still knew what love was.

Maybe that’s the last thing we forget. Or we never forget it at all. Not really. We lose the words to say it. We lose the ability to show it. But we never lose the ability to feel it or recognize it when we see it.

Love is the brightest color in a gray world.





EPILOGUE





SAMANTHA


Eleven Months Later

DAD AND TRISTAN on either side of her, they’re the strongest,” I said, talking to my family in the driveway. “Jeneva, you’re in the front seat, I’ll drive.”

It was Mother’s Day.

We’d talked a lot about how to celebrate today, and in the end we’d universally agreed to my idea.

A ride in the Dart. Top down, one of Mom’s tapes in the tape player. A scarf around her hair, a little dab of coconut sunblock on her face.

I wanted to help her relive some of her favorite memories. We wouldn’t know how much of it she’d actually absorb. Her dementia had progressed over the last year. She was harder to reach, more confused. The car ride might scare her, she might try to jump out, Dad and Tristan might need to hold her on to the seat. But we agreed to try it. If it worked, the payout would be worth it.

Xavier came out of the house and jogged down the steps. “Hey.”

“What did they say?” I asked.

“They want to come with me to work.”

I laughed. “You offered to take the boys anywhere while we’re gone and they want to go to the clinic,” I deadpanned.

Jeneva shook her head. “I think they’d live there if they could. They love Uncle Z.”

My husband looked at his watch. “What time will you be back?”

“An hour maybe? Depends,” I said.

“Okay. Whose night is it for dinner again?” he asked.

“It’s mine,” Dad said. “I’m making spicy coconut chicken.”

“Need anything from the store while I’m out?” Xavier asked, over my shoulder.

“I’ll text you,” Dad said.

“All right.” Xavier leaned in and kissed me. “Drive safe.”

I smiled against his mouth. “I will.”

“If it breaks down again, call me.”