Scythe & Sparrow (The Ruinous Love Trilogy, #3)(85)

Conversation gets a little easier after that. The weight in my chest eases. We talk about Sloane and Rowan and their mini honeymoon to Martha’s Vineyard. We make plans to meet up at the circus while Silveria is in town for the next few days if we can get our schedules to line up. She texts Sloane to make sure she’ll be able to come to my show. One last chance to say goodbye. We order another couple coffees, a croissant each. We talk about her married life, how their stars are finally aligning. We laugh and smile. And time ticks down to the last moment. I feel its hammer in every heartbeat.

“I’m going to miss you,” Lark says, reaching across the table to take my hand.

“I’m going to miss you too,” I reply. I smile, but it’s fragile. Ready to break. “You know what they say about the circus.”

“What, that the show must go on?”

“No. That the show can’t begin until you jump.”

Lark’s expression seems to clear. She watches me, her eyes fixed to mine, a soft smile forming at the corners of her lips. My phone buzzes on the table and my heart skips over itself. A rush of nerves roils in my guts as I read the short message. Just two simple words. Parked outside.

“Doc’s here.” I pocket my phone. “Guess I’ll see you around. Don’t be a stranger.” With a few final goodbyes and a crushing hug, I pull away and place a kiss on Lark’s cheek and leave the coffee shop, swallowing down the tears that climb the back of my throat.

Fionn is parked at the curb, waiting in his rental vehicle. He pops the trunk as I draw close and I toss my backpack inside next to his. I remember the first time I rode anywhere with him. The way he slid his arm around my waist. The strength with which he lifted me inside his truck.

Anything I should know before we do this? he’d asked before we drove away.

Maybe if I’d just said something then, my chest wouldn’t ache so much now. I wouldn’t be hesitating as I shut the lid of the trunk, slowing my steps as I walk closer to the front of the car. Though I hate the thought of making life harder for Fionn, I think the pain I feel now was worth it. It hurts because it was real. It’s how I know the truth. The only one that matters.

I’m in love with Fionn Kane.

And it’s too late to ever tell him.

“Hey,” I say as I slide onto the passenger seat.

I can feel Fionn watching me as I pull the seat belt across my body and clip it in. When we still haven’t pulled away from the curb, I return his gaze.

“Hi,” he finally says.

He turns away to check for traffic, but I still catch a glimpse of his face. There are shadows beneath his bloodshot eyes. A hollowness to his features, one that might not be noticeable to most people, but I’ve seen him from every angle, in every light, from far away and so close his features become hazy. I can see the evidence of a sleepless night.

I look out at the coffee shop, taking one final glance at Lark before we pull into traffic and drive away.




“Thanks for taking me back to Silveria,” I say, checking my text messages. There’s one from José confirming that they’re nearing the city. It’ll be one of the last shows of the season before we make our way home.

“Here.” Fionn extends the leather pouch toward me and I blow out a long breath between pursed lips. I take the deck out just to feel the comforting finish of the worn cardstock between my fingertips.

“I appreciate it. Thank you.” I imagine what he must have been thinking as he entered my room and realized I was already gone. Maybe it was a bit of relief, at first. He had the place to himself. Maybe dread sunk in as he spotted the deck on my nightstand. It’s impossible to divine his thoughts from his stoic expression. He just gives me a single nod.

The traffic is backed up. We inch our way along. A playlist drones through the speakers at a quiet volume. I’m not sure if it’s better to have music or silence between us. There’s a fresh wave of tension in the air as Fionn looks at his watch and taps the steering wheel with impatient fingers.

“I can take an Uber to the pier,” I say, looking out at the river of red brake lights in front of us. I don’t think we’ve made it more than a few blocks in the last forty minutes since we pulled away from the coffee shop. “Maybe you can find an alternative route.”

“It’s fine,” he says, glancing in his rearview mirror.

I open my mouth to argue when a call comes through on the car’s dashboard screen. Lachlan’s name appears and Fionn accepts the call.

“Hey, Lach—”

“Where’s Rose?” Lachlan barks, panic infusing every note. “Is she with Lark?”

Fionn and I exchange a confused glance. “I’m here,” I say. “Lark went back to your place a while ago.”

“Shit. Shit.”

“What’s going on?”

“She’s missing. Something’s wrong. I can’t explain right now. I need to get home.”

“We’re not far,” Fionn says.

“I’ll meet you there.”

“Fuck,” Fionn hisses as Lachlan hangs up. His gaze darts around the wall of traffic that surrounds us. It feels like there’s not enough air in the car. Like we’re spinning through space, though we’re not moving at all. Panic curls around us and squeezes. If we don’t find her now, we won’t find her alive. I don’t know how I know it. But I do.