Shadows of You (Lost & Found #4)(27)

Lawson nodded as he got the booster seat in place, Cady and Charlie chattering over him. “I’ll leave the seat at school so Maddie can grab it.”

“Thank you. I’m really sorry to call on you so much.” Guilt twisted deep. I was calling on all the people in my life when they had busy schedules of their own.

Lawson straightened. “Aspen, at this point, you’re family. It’s what we do for each other.”

A burn lit behind my eyes and in my throat. Family. I’d wanted that for so long. Hoped Autumn and I would build it together for Cady. And it had all been ripped away. My hand slipped beneath my flannel shirt, feeling the scar there.

I should be finding a way out of Cedar Ridge. Moving Cady to a city where we could be anonymous. But I couldn’t. Not when she was so loved and cared for here. I’d have to find another way. Figure out how John had found our location. Make him think we’d moved elsewhere.

“Thanks, Law,” I whispered.

Concern swept over his expression. “Everything okay?”

I’d almost told him about my past a few times; he was law enforcement, after all. But something always held me back. Part of it was thinking that the fewer people who knew, the better. The other bit was that I liked just being Aspen here. Not a woman who’d been through a horrific ordeal and barely lived to tell the tale.

“I’m good,” I lied. “What about you?”

I hadn’t missed the dark circles under Lawson’s eyes or the deepening lines of strain on his face. But I knew he’d never tell me exactly what was going on. Lawson always kept things close to the vest.

He sighed. “Just been a long few weeks.” He glanced out at my pasture. “I’m worried about Luke.”

Lawson’s eldest son had been acting out a bit and throwing more than a little attitude toward his dad.

“I’m sorry. I can take Charlie and Drew this weekend. Maybe you and Luke can do something, just the two of you. It’s probably too cold for camping, but you could rent a cabin somewhere that isn’t home.”

Lawson nodded, scrubbing a hand over his stubbled jaw. “I don’t want to dump those two knuckleheads on you.”

I smiled. “It’s what family does, isn’t it?”

The corner of his mouth kicked up. “You’ve got a point there. Let me get a feel for my caseload, and I’ll let you know.”

“I’m around, so you can decide last minute if you want.”

“Thanks, Aspen.”

Warmth spread through me. Something about giving back to the people who had given me so much helped. “Anytime.”

“Dad, we’re gonna be late,” Charlie called from the SUV.

Lawson chuckled. “The only kid who’s worried about being on time for school.”

I grinned and ducked into the vehicle. I rained kisses all over Cady’s face.

“Mama!” she shrieked.

“I’m gonna miss you like crazy. Promise me you’re not gonna run away and join the circus.”

Cady giggled. “Why would I when we have our own circus right here? All the best parts, anyway.”

She had a point there.

Charlie frowned. “I don’t know. I think having a trapeze would be pretty cool.”

I chuckled and tickled his belly. “I’ll get right on that.”

“I’m first up!” he demanded.

“You got it.” I gently shut the door and stepped back, but I didn’t go back inside the house. I waited until the police-issued SUV disappeared completely from sight.

A pang lit along my sternum. It was always hard to watch Cady go. It didn’t matter if it was for twenty minutes or twenty hours. But watching her disappear with John’s letter hanging over my head? That was torture.

“We’re thousands of miles away,” I whispered. “We’re safe.”

I forced myself to turn and head inside. I grabbed my muck boots, jacket, and work gloves, and headed back out. Sliding the keys out of my pocket, I locked the two deadbolts and the doorknob, then checked each one twice.

The temptation to check them all two more times was strong. When we first arrived in Cedar Ridge, and Cady was still a toddler, I’d ventured into obsessive territory. I’d spent my nights walking the house, rechecking every window and door countless times.

I wasn’t sure when it shifted. Maybe after a couple of months of being here with no one showing up at our door or recognizing me from news coverage.

When we were in Mississippi, one reporter always seemed to find me, no matter where I hid. Oren Randal had exposed two houses, an apartment, my office, and Cady’s daycare in his articles. He’d almost cost me everything all over again.

But when he hadn’t found me in Cedar Ridge, I’d slowly begun to let it all go. The panic, the fear. The shadows of it still lived inside me, but I no longer let them hold me down.

Letting out a long breath, I started toward the barn. I’d already been through the feeding rigmarole but needed some solid cleaning and muck-out time.

Mabel brayed from her pasture as she kicked out at Phineas.

“That’s not nice, Mabel,” I called. “He just wants to play.”

She raced along the fence line, and I stopped to scratch between her ears. I bent and dropped my forehead to hers. “A little kindness goes a long way, Miss Mabel.”