Spiral (Off the Ice, #2) (101)

Ashley comes by his side. “Aubrey, if you need me to step in—”

“Enough,” he interrupts sharply, lifting his hand as he pivots toward us. “You’ve ruined the first lift. We have an entire routine left to execute. What in the world is happening?”

“I’m trying, but she’s off-balance,” Adam interjects.

I glare at him.

Zimmerman jabs a finger in Adam’s direction. “Take responsibility for your weak hold. Fix it, or I’ll fix it for you.” Then he turns to me. “You’re in your head. I saw what you can do at the audition. Give me the version we came here for. Give me that, Sage.”

I nod. “I can do it.”

“Good. Because you have no other choice.”

Zimmerman storms off, and a breath I can’t seem to release catches under my rib cage.

“Adam is fucking with you,” Jason says, coming to my side. He’s dressed in all black to represent the evil sorcerer, Rothbart. Our routine is next, and I know at least with him it’ll be a good performance. “Zimmerman needs to put in Adam’s alternate.”

I can’t speak. I squeeze Jason’s shoulder and head to my dressing room to change into the Black Swan costume for act three. The makeup artist is quick. She sprays my hair, adds the black crown and dramatic black eyeliner. When she’s gone, I can finally pace the room like a lunatic. I’m doing breathing exercises and imagery, but none of it calms me. Tears threaten to spill from my eyes just as a knock sounds at my door.

“One second!” I shout, quickly dabbing my eyes with a tissue.

“Sage.”

The voice almost breaks me. I open the door and slide my arms into Elias’s strong hold. He doesn’t hesitate to hug me, and we stay like that for a beat.

“Did I suck that bad that you had to come check on me?”

He pulls back. “You took my breath away. But I came here because I think you were right. Adam’s messing up a simple lift. I’ve done it with you, and I know it’s not supposed to look like that.”

I blink to keep the tears from falling. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t perform like I’m supposed to. Like I’ve been training to.”

“No one can dim your light.” He says it with so much intensity I have no choice but to believe him. “Tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll do it.”

I pull him close, and he pours his warmth into the touch. “This is enough.”

I know Elias would do anything for me, but this time I have to do it for myself.

The announcement for the second act in ten sounds around us.

“You’re okay?” Elias asks.

I nod. “Thanks for the flowers.”

“You decide on your favorite ones yet?”

“Yeah, but I kind of like letting you guess.”

He smiles into the kiss he plants on my lips, and when he pulls away, I drag him to my mouth again. The simple connection eases the cord of panic that chokes my heart. “Finally got that good luck kiss, huh?”

“I think I’m going to need another,” I say. “You know, to make up for the one you didn’t give me.”

With this kiss, he lets me take. Allows me to pour all the emotions flooding my mind into him to take his calmness instead. With a warm swipe of his tongue against mine I feel a contentment swim through me.

Elias lifts my chin. “You think you’ll be okay?”

Opening night hasn’t been anything like I’ve dreamed, but I know I wouldn’t trade it for anything. “Yeah, I just need to let go.”

He smirks mischievously. “I can help with that.”

“Get out of here!” I push him. “You’re going to miss the big finish.”

“I can stay another thirty seconds and see it right here.” He taps his thigh.

“Shut up, Elias.” I’m laughing as I walk him out of my dressing room, and he shoots me a bright smile before heading down the hall. My smile drops when I look at Adam’s door, which reads Prince Siegfried.

I take a deep breath. I’m going to figure this out. I won’t be complacent this time.

Rap, rap, rap.

As Adam opens the door and catches sight of me, he begins to close it again. But before he can shut it completely, I swiftly insert my pointe shoe between the gap.

“I don’t know what your deal is,” I start. “But if this is your way to sabotage me, it won’t work. Even if I break my damn leg out there, I’ll still perform. You can’t take this away from me, Adam. So, figure out whatever you’re doing, or I’m going to request that Zimmerman have your alternate perform the last act with me.”

As I turn to leave, he halts my movement with a firm grip on my wrist. I instinctively pull away.

He sighs. “I fucked up. There’s just so much pressure from my parents, from Ashley’s parents, from the entire fucking company. I don’t know who to please anymore.”

He runs a frustrated hand through his hair, and that’s the first time I notice the bags under his eyes. They’re dark and creased, like he hasn’t slept in a while. His tired face pulls at a sympathetic string in my chest.

“Black swan in five,” the stage manager says as she walks past us.

As if I’m embodying Odile herself, I let go of the need to tell Adam it’s okay and what he did wasn’t his fault. But those words never make it out.