Strange Sally Diamond(59)

Before the week was up, Rangi’s bloated body was found at the other end of the lake, closer to town. I was never questioned. The Daily Post reported a tragic drowning. Auntie Georgia didn’t look me in the eye as she came and went. A police car dropped her home twice, once on December 18th and again the next day. I could hear her wailing aloud into the night from my bedroom and I wanted to console her, to confess and explain that it was an accident, that it was my life or his and that I had to choose mine, and that he had been my best friend.

Christmas Day in our house was strange. Dad pretended that everything was normal. We ate outside on the porch, toasting the day with Coca-Cola. Dad bought me a record player and I’d bought him a book on Māori culture. I found it in the bin a few days later.





35


Sally


My shopping expedition the day after Uncle Donald’s funeral was not entirely successful. Sue parked in a vast underground car park and we emerged into this blindingly bright, dizzyingly high, cavernous building with neon signs everywhere, piped music and, for a Tuesday morning, lots and lots of shoppers. I had seen shopping centres on TV, but I hadn’t expected this scale.

‘I don’t like this, Sue. Please may I go and wait in the car?’

‘But the whole purpose is to get you kitted out with a brand-new wardrobe!’

‘I don’t like it.’

‘Here, hold my hand,’ she said, ‘I have an idea. We will go to one shop with a huge range. You can go straight to the fitting room, and I’ll bring you a selection of things to try on.’

I had recently found that hugging or holding the hands of friends was somewhat comforting. I allowed Sue to lead me into a shop called Zara. She spoke to an assistant while I stood, trying not to tremble, as people manically picked out random items on hangers, discarding them across the rail without re-hanging them, pulling at sweaters from the middle of a neatly folded pile and throwing them down again. I had once thought of working in a clothing shop, but my jaw hurt from the clenching of my teeth. I would not be able to stand this.

Sue came back with a young and beautiful shop assistant. They took me to a large changing room, with full-length mirrors on both sides. I sat dutifully and waited. Within ten minutes, Sue came back, laden with armfuls of clothing. I thanked her and began to try on sweaters, culottes, jackets, boots, jewellery, waistcoats, blouses, overcoats, T-shirts, skirts short and long, trainers, jeans, cardigans. Sue would check in with me every few minutes, exchange sizes for things I liked but didn’t fit, and return things I didn’t like. There were six times as many things in the changing room as there were in my wardrobe at home. The shop assistant took some of them straight to the till. I was dazed by so much choice, the silks and cottons and suedes and denim and sparkles and fur. I liked what I saw in the mirror. All the different versions of me.

I bought everything I liked. I passed over my bank card while Sue pirouetted with excitement. ‘Just one more place I have to take you,’ she said.

I was exhausted and the shopping bags were heavy.

We exited the lift on the top floor and Sue took me towards what turned out to be a beauty salon. ‘Hair, nails, facial, lashes, eyebrows, make-up – I think you should do the lot.’

We were outside the door. I stopped. ‘Why?’

‘Don’t get me wrong, you’re beautiful, but wouldn’t you like to see what you look like with a different hairstyle, a few blonde streaks or a curly blow-dry? I don’t even know what your hair looks like when it’s loose. Is it very long? Facials are so relaxing. This is a way to pamper yourself.’

‘No thank you, Sue, I don’t mind changing my clothes but I don’t want to change the way my head looks.’

‘Aren’t you curious?’

‘No.’

‘Oh Sally, please? Let them style your hair. If you don’t like it, you can pin it straight back up. Treat yourself.’

I could feel myself becoming agitated. I raised my voice. ‘I said no.’

Sue’s face flushed. She was annoyed. ‘I booked us both treatments. I’m going in for a facial and to get my eyelashes done. Do you want to wait in the car?’

‘Yes please.’

She threw the car keys at me. ‘Level 1 in the elevator. Car Park A.’ She swung open the door of the salon and disappeared behind smoked glass.

I couldn’t tell how I had failed on this occasion. We had never mentioned hair and make-up and tinting eyebrows when we planned this trip. It was purely about clothes shopping. What did Sue mean about it being a ‘treat’? How is it a treat if I don’t want it and was never asked about it? Did she think my hair was awful? Were my eyebrows the wrong colour? I liked them. Tina said I was handsome and elegant. Sue had just said I was beautiful. I knew I was chubby but I didn’t mind. Why would I change my appearance?

When Sue returned to the car, I was ready with my explanation, but before I could start it, I noticed her eyelashes. ‘Wow,’ I said, ‘they’re amazing!’

‘You could have –’

‘Look, Sue, I’m sorry but I think we misunderstood each other. I love your eyelashes and I’m glad it makes you feel good, but I’m different. All these clothes are enough change for me. I like my hair the way it is. I don’t want to change my face or my nails or my hair. I hope you understand. It was kind of you to offer, but I’m not the same as you. I never will be.’