Sublimation(61)

“Soyoung is OK. Rose called herself Soyoung sometimes. But tell me what you’ve got. Can you help me?”

Your laughter stops. You take a deep breath. You take the food from her; you eat from her fork.



* * *



In every version of the story, though, the man at the edge of the water looks across the bay. His lover at the other side, and the whole of the storm between them. He knows that this is dangerous. He knows that eventually, the water will recede. He knows that there are more important things than hypothetical love, that this might not be the most important relationship in his life, that there’s a lot of other things he needs to be doing rather than pining after some inconvenient girl. But. The girl.





SOYOUNG-ROSE


YJ takes a bite of the noodles, leaving a red oil slick over his bottom lip. He sets the carton down. He runs a hand through his hair.

“So. The majority of the clinical trials have already concluded. But we’re still running a few more research studies, because there are avenues of research that have opened up since we’re looking into processes similar to Mitosis. Make sense?”

Soyoung nods.

“The problem is that most of these aren’t really testing Mitosis anymore, and you need Mitosis.”

“Is this the part of the conversation where you turn me down?”

She says it lightly. In reality, her heart is in her throat. She’s thinking about plane tickets. She’s thinking about landing at Incheon Airport, with all her hopes conclusively dashed, everything over and done with.

“This is the part of the conversation where I admit that I was going to turn you down,” YJ says. “I wanted to help but it wasn’t—it would have caused problems.”

Soyoung doesn’t say anything. She picks up the carton of dumplings and stabs one with a chopstick. YJ keeps speaking.

“But I wanted to tell you honestly. So, I went looking on the restricted floor to at least confirm things, before I told you no. The one I’m supposed to have access to, because it’s my project.”

Soyoung eats the dumpling. YJ twirls noodles with his chopsticks and doesn’t pick them up.

“Then earlier today, my boss called, and told me not to look around, not until I got some sort of clearance. And he basically bribed me with fast-tracking my green card. Said he could expedite it. Said, whatever I want.”

He puts the carton down.

“So, I’m saying yes to you, instead. There’s a research study that makes sense to slot you in. And, if you see anything weird, during the research study trials, or get a chance to look through any of the files, I would very much appreciate if you could let me know what you see in there.”

“You mean spy on your company for you,” Soyoung says. The joy of him saying yes tempered by apprehension at his request.

“I wouldn’t put it that way,” YJ says. “It’s not conditional. I want to be clear about that.”

“But you want me to help you.”

YJ nods. He keeps twirling his noodles.

“They’ve offered to help me and Yujin. I want to just make sure—it’s probably all just fine! But. I don’t know why Drew’s offering, and I can’t push back. I—Yujin, we’ve cut it really close, timeline wise. Like—you know.”

He finishes spinning the noodles, puts them in his mouth, and chews.

The realization hits her not so much like a lightning strike but as if a set of lenses have been placed over her eyes, bringing her vision into focus. Like looking at Yujin in the bar in Korea and realizing that he wasn’t a handsome stranger, he was her friend, the arrangement of his features collapsing into something familiar. The way he’s avoiding the question, how he talks in vague abstractions, the contrast between how he and Yujin talk about reintegration.

“You’ve been putting this all off on purpose. You don’t actually want to reintegrate with Yujin,” Soyoung says with wonder. “You’ve been lying to him.”

Surprise blooms across YJ’s face, an inkblot spreading across the page. For a second he looks lost. He looks like the night where Soyoung laughed at him and turned him down. Soyoung suddenly feels like an asshole.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m not doing it on purpose,” YJ says. “Why would you say that to me?”

“But you’ve been putting it off,” Soyoung says, tilting her head. “You want—”

“Don’t tell me what I want! You don’t know me. You don’t know him.”

She realizes that she’s leaned forward, her face close to his. Soyoung is in YJ’s space now. Too close for strangers. Hot enough to feel the warmth of his skin against hers. He’s got a look on his face that she can’t read. Is he going to push her back? Is he going to throw his drink at her?

“I know you, Lee Yujin. Do you think I don’t? Do you think you’re so divorced from your other self that you can be unseen? I’ve known you for twenty-nine years, Lee Yujin, and, if you’re jerking yourself arou—”

YJ surges up from where he’s sitting and—



* * *



The Auraji had risen to levels never seen before. Water is one of the strongest boundaries in human history. One version on the shore. The other dreaming of crossing the water.