The Apple Tree (Sunday Morning, #2) (79)
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want her ever to be that sad again. It’s not about blame; it’s just that I love her. And I know that—” I stopped. It was easy to forget that I was talking to my mom’s mother.
“You know what?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“I love her too, dear. That’s why I’m going to talk to her. It’s not fair for her to feel responsible for anyone’s happiness but her own. And that’s what you need to remember too. Understood?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
On my way home, I pulled into the gas station and used the phone booth to make a collect call.
Sarah accepted the charges.
“Why are you calling me collect?” She laughed.
“Because if Dad sees it on our phone bill, he’ll ask why I called you.”
“What’s going on that couldn’t wait until Thanksgiving?” she asked.
“I’m in love with a man who’s twenty-eight.”
Silence.
“Sarah?”
“Um, yeah. I’m here. That’s ten years.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m aware.”
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
“What do you think?”
“Are you still living at home?”
“Yes,” I said.
“Then I think you haven’t told them.”
I leaned against the side of the phone booth. “Did you know Mom was so upset over Dad kicking you out that she felt suicidal?”
“What?”
“She didn’t say those exact words, but it was implied.”
“Oh my gosh,” she whispered.
“Ask me who I love.”
“Do I want to know?”
“Did Mom tell you about the new neighbor?”
“Fred’s brother?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, it’s him.”
“Nooo …”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Yup.”
“And he likes you?”
“He loves me.”
“Oh, Eve.”
“Don’t act like it’s okay for you to fall for someone who everyone else thinks is the wrong person, but I—”
“Eve, I wasn’t going to say that. I just feel bad for you because it sucks to have to choose between your family and the man you love. And don’t get upset with me for asking, but are you sure it’s love? Have you done stuff with him?”
“Sex?” I chuckled because Sarah didn’t talk about sex as much as I did. “Yes. Amazing sex.”
“Are you being smart?”
“As smart as a B-average girl can be.”
“You’ve always excelled at being a smart ass,” she said.
“We use condoms.”
“I don’t know what to tell you. There was a lot involved with Dad finding out about us, but when he finds out you’re sleeping with Fred’s brother, I think it could be worse because he’s ten years older, not six. And he has a child, right?”
“A son. Josh. He’s five. I love Josh so much.”
“Who are you?” She laughed.
“I know I’m eighteen, but since Kyle and Josh moved in, I’ve grown up a lot.”
“No longer sneaking alcohol?”
“Listen, grown-ups drink alcohol.”
“Alcoholics drink alcohol like you.”
“I’m not an alcoholic.”
“Are you sure?”
“Anyway, as I was saying. I’m not just scared of Mom and Dad finding out because I’ll get kicked out of the house. I’m scared that Mom will get really low again, but this time what if she tries to kill herself?”
“Eve, I think you’re overreacting. Mom is not the type of person to do that.”
I frowned. It was easy for her to say. She didn’t know what I knew. I opened my mouth to tell her because I’d carried the burden alone for too long, but the words clogged in my throat.
“Eve?”
I quickly wiped my tears. “I’m here. Um, I should go so you don’t have a big phone bill.”
“It’s fine. You can call collect anytime. And I think you need to tell them. Keeping secrets is painful, and covering them up only sets you up for more trouble and more lies. Learn from my experience. Okay?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Are you okay?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I managed without my voice cracking.
“Tell everyone ‘hi’ and we’ll see them at Thanksgiving.”
I cleared my throat. “I can’t, stupid. I’m calling you collect from a phone booth so that nobody knows about our call.”
“Oh.” She giggled. “True. Sorry. See you in a few weeks then.”
“Bye.”
I wasn’t that girl. The one who carried hidden scars from my past. As I hung up the phone and opened the door, I pulled in a long breath and let it out while heading to my car and repeating it again.
I wasn’t that girl.